Page 98 of Wild As Her

I spin around. "This isn't just a show to me!"

She blinks. "What?"

"This is my life, Jenna." My voice rises, unsteady with the emotion burning through me. "It might be some flashy reality TV for the world, but for me? This is my home. My name. Our family's legacy. And yeah, it's messy. And yeah, Cami gets under my skin. But I’m not acting. I’m not pretending to careabout a woman that I don't have genuine feelings for a show. I can’t."

"Then why did you agree to do this if you were just going to fall apart every time Cami's around?"

"Because I thought I could handle it!"

The barn falls quiet. Dust motes float in the sunlight slanting through the high windows. I run a hand through my hair, breathing hard.

"I thought I could keep it together. That I could fake it just long enough to save the ranch, play along, do what was needed." I look over at her, eyes wild. "But every time I look at her, I can't breathe. I can't think."

Jenna folds her arms. "Then admit it. To her. Stop letting it eat you alive."

My chest heaves. My hands curl into fists at my sides.

She softens. “Jack, you’re my brother first. Sure, this show is my career, but I love you. And I love Cami. I want you to be happy.”

And then the words are out before I could stop them. "I love her."

Silence crashes down. I stare at Jenna, my heart racing like I just ran ten miles.

"I love her," I say it again, quieter this time, but no less fierce. "God, I love her so much it makes me sick. My whole life, it's been shit up until now. I've just been trying to hold the pieces together. And then she walks back into it like a damn dream, and I can't wake up. I don't want to wake up. I want her."

Jenna opens her mouth. Closes it. "Well. Shit."

I laugh bitterly, scrubbing a hand over my face. "Yeah. That about covers it."

"Does she know?"

"I can't tell her this. I can't risk hurting her," I say and then quieter, "What if I'm like Dad? What if I mess it up?"

Jenna steps closer, her voice softer now. "First of all, you are nothing like him. And second, you can't keep pretending like you're okay. It's leaking out in every scene. Every look. Every sharp word. She's not the only one you're hurting. You're hurting yourself."

I look away. "I don't know how to stop."

"You don’t have to stop," Jenna says. "You just have to wait it out. Play the game. We’ve got a few weeks left of filming. You make it through that, and then you can tell her everything. Hell, shout it from the mountaintops if you want. But if you crash and burn before then, we lose it all. You, her, the show. The whole thing goes down in flames with you."

The weight of it all presses on my chest. The cameras. The legacy. Cami. Always Cami.

"I don't know if I deserve her," I murmur.

Jenna nods slowly. "I get that. We don't really deserve anything, do we? We just work our asses off and be thankful for what we are lucky enough to have."

I shrug, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to mess things up with the show. I know how hard you’ve worked on everything."

Jenna softens. "Okay, then just hold on. Just a little longer. Don’t ruin your own ending."

I close my eyes, feeling the truth of it settle like a stone in my gut. I want Cami. I want forever with her. But if there’s any chance at that, I have to survive the next few weeks without blowing it all to hell.

When I open my eyes, Jenna watches me with something that looks a lot like sympathy.

"You're not a bad guy, Jack," she says quietly. "You're just in love. And it’s messy. And maybe it doesn’t fit in a tidy reality TV package. But if you love her, really love her, then you find a way to make it work. After."

I nod. My voice is hoarse. "After."

She gives me one last look, then turns to leave. Just before stepping out into the sunlight, she pauses. "For what it's worth," she says over her shoulder, "I'm rooting for you two. ... try not to mess it up."

---