Page 43 of Reluctantly Yours

I forced a grin for Sofia and managed to choke down bite after bite of food I couldn’t taste.Why was he doing this?

“Penny?”Sofia asked, carefully scooping potatoes onto her fork.“When we go to New York, can we see the big Christmas tree?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, glancing at Travis before asking, “How do you know about that?”

“I was telling my teacher about going to New York for Daddy’s work.”The pride in her voice almost brought me to tears.“She told me about it.Can we go?”

I swallowed a mouthful of turkey, gazing across the table and waiting for him to react.No way would I make a promise and break the poor girl’s heart when I didn’t keep it.He noticed my attentive stare and cleared his throat.“Penny won’t be coming with us.I thought it would be nice, just you and me.Rose and the other moms out there can’t wait to hang out with you when I’m busy with work.”

So that was the answer.He had worked the whole thing out, arranging childcare and everything.He had thought it out and never bothered to bring it up until he was backed into a corner.A sizzle of pure disdain raced through me and almost stood my hair on end.The coward.

“Why aren’t you coming?”Sofia’s big hazel eyes turned my way, still innocent and unaware of what was really happening.That her dad thought I was good enough to bend over his desk but unworthy of a little respect.And definitely not worthy of being part of his life.

He spared me, speaking up when I couldn’t.“Well, honey, we need to remember Penny’s time with us is almost up.”

I set down my knife and fork, shaking, staring down at my plate.There was no hint of caring in his voice.He might as well have been reading from cue cards.How could I have deluded myself into thinking there was something real between us?

Because that’s what you do, dumbass.

I’d find someone who needed fixing and push up my sleeves, ready to jump in.It was all so obvious when I looked back.The dinner at his parents’ house had been the turning point.When I knew he had to be hurting, that he never knew his father’s love and approval.That was when my heart cracked open to let him inside because if there was anything I was a sucker for, it was taking responsibility for the people around me.

And all the time, I was only dealing with a younger version of Harrison Knight.I had nobody to blame but myself for the crushing pain in my chest and the roaring in my head.Travis had already shown me who he was, but I didn’t want to see it.

“What?Why?Why are you leaving?”Sofia’s pitiful, high-pitched question gave me no choice but to compartmentalize and unplug myself from the situation because if I let myself feel any of this, I would fall apart.I would shatter.And it wouldn’t do her any good.

“It’s not that I want to leave,” I ventured, speaking slowly, trying to find the words that would help her.“I love you.Please, don’t think this means I don’t love you.But…” I couldn’t go on.Not when she looked so stricken.

“You don’t want to be with me?”she whispered in time for the first big teardrops to overflow onto her cheeks.

Before I could say a word, Travis set down his silverware.“What did Penny just say?She loves you very much.But this is her job, and the job is up now.Maybe the two of you can see each other again sometime.”Something told me he didn’t mean that.Something told me he had no intention of setting eyes on me again after this.

“I’m sorry, sweetie.”Using my napkin, I dried her tears as I fought back my own.Maybe if I hadn’t pushed him to tell me about Nicola, this wouldn’t have happened.He wouldn’t resent me.

What little fun there was dried up once the conversation was over.I wasn’t so afraid to look at him anymore.There was none of that stomach-fluttering, heart-racing uncertainty anymore.I was now positive about quite a few things, like how I was going to give him a piece of my mind.

He wanted to throw me out of his bed, his home, his life?Fine.I wouldn’t go quietly.

“Can I watch TV?”Sofia set down her fork after picking sullenly at what was left on her plate.

“You didn’t finish your beans,” Travis pointed out, gesturing to her plate with his fork.Either he refused to see the pain and distress she was in, or he chose to ignore it.Didn’t he see what he was doing?He hated his father probably for doing the exact same sort of shit he was doing to Sofia now.Pushing her feelings aside, pretending they didn’t exist because it was easier for him to shut down.

Just like he was shutting down with me.

“Go ahead,” I replied, ignoring the beans in favor of lovingly combing my fingers through her curls.My wink at least made her frown waver a little.“Later on, we’ll have lots of pie.”

She got out of her chair, hesitating, then hugged me.“I love you, Penny,” she whimpered.

Travis shifted in his chair.I could see him from the corner of my eye as I wrapped my arms around her.Do not cry.Don’t make it worse.“I love you too.I love you so much, sweetie.”

“Then don’t go,” she begged, her head on my shoulder.

“Sofia.”Travis’ voice was firm, almost sharp.“What did we already talk about?This isn’t Penny’s decision.It’s mine.”

I pressed a kiss against her forehead, smiling for her sake.“You go ahead and watch TV.”She didn’t need to be around for what came next.All of the love I had nurtured in my heart for him before I ever knew it existed was beginning to harden.To turn cold.Because by turning away from me, he was turning away from her too, ruining her life because he couldn’t handle his shit.

I waited until I could hear the television in the living room before setting my napkin aside and pushing my plate away.“Congratulations.You’ve given your daughter a Thanksgiving to remember.”

“I’m sorry.Were we supposed to tell her you would be joining us in Manhattan?Would that have made things easier?”He wouldn’t respect me by making eye contact, finishing what was left on his plate.At least one of us seemed to have an appetite.

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