Page 48 of Reluctantly Yours

“Sometimes, friends disagree about things.They end up getting in fights or deciding they can’t work together anymore.But I didn’t tell Penny to go because I was angry,” I insisted, weaving a web of lies with every word that spilled out of my mouth.“The job was over.”

“But I still need her!”The tears overflowed, followed by more.“You don’t know all of our nighttime songs.You don’t know how to make banana chocolate chip cookies.You don’t do all the voices in my books when we read at night.You’re not the same, Daddy,” she concluded.

Wiping her cheeks with my thumbs, I said, “I’m the same daddy I’ve always been.”

“No…” she sniffled, “… you’re notfunDaddy anymore.I miss when you were fun.”

Out of the mouths of babes.Her words soaked into my head and lit up places that had been dark for weeks.Like the faint trail of sparks as a firework climbed into the sky before it exploded.

My explosion came in the form of getting on my feet.What the fuck was I doing?I didn’t have the first idea.I only knew this was the first moment of complete clarity since the night I told Penny everything.

“I’ll tell you what,” I offered as I pulled my phone from my pocket.“You get to sleep now.I have a big surprise for you in the morning.We’ll be getting up very early.”

“To go to Rose’s house,” she said, yawning again.“I know.”

“No, honey.”After giving her forehead another kiss, I tucked her in again.“Something else.You’ll see.”

It would take time to get the jet fueled and crewed, but I had no doubt we’d be on our way by dawn at the latest.Before reaching out to my pilot, though, I sent a group text announcing my plans for tomorrow had changed.

20

PENNY

“In spite of everything, it is nice to have you home for a little while.”Mom offered an apologetic smile on her way to the table, holding a steaming mug in each hand.“And now I get to take care of you, which you know I miss doing, especially now that everybody’s left the nest with your sister away at school.”

There was something about being home with her and Dad.I could stick my head in the sand and lick my wounds.I needed a break to think things over after something I thought I was prepared for ripped my heart to shreds.

They would be in New York now.Today was the big day.It was coming up on eight in the morning here, meaning there was probably around an hour until the first ship sailed, and everybody celebrated and patted each other on the back.

I accepted the coffee Mom handed me.She remembered how I liked it.“Nobody has ever made a cup of coffee as good as yours,” I told her with a happy sigh after taking the first sip.

“I pride myself on that.”She reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear before settling back in her chair.On a sunny, peaceful morning like this, I could usually see the bright side of anything.Normally, my heart would be full of hope.Why waste a beautiful day feeling sad?

I had finally found something that tanked even my spirit.I wasn’t strong enough to overcome this.Just the thought of trying left me staring into my coffee cup, blinking back tears.How could he?Did I ever mean anything to him besides hired help and a good time after Sofia was in bed for the night?

Sofia.“I miss her,” I confessed in a whisper, picturing her dimples and bright eyes.Was she happy?Was she having fun in New York?Would Travis take her to see the tree?It occurred to me that was what bothered me the most.Would he listen to her, pay attention to what she needed?

“I know, sweetheart.You have such a big, loving heart.”Mom smiled at me in her familiar way.“Sometimes, the people who love the hardest are the ones who hurt the easiest.”

Staring into my mug, I decided, “I’ve learned my lesson.No more letting myself get attached so fast.I should’ve known better.”

“Are you talking about Sofia now?”she asked.“Or her father?”

“Both…” I sighed, though it was Travis I was thinking about.I was still waiting for him to call and tell me he’d come to his senses.When would I grow up?“I’m not saying I’ll never love anyone again because I don’t want that to be true.I want to have that courage.Just… I’ll guard my heart from now on.”And I wouldn’t give it away unless I knew the guy wanted it.Never again.It hurt too much.

“Tell me something positive that came out of this experience,” she suggested.

I had to be truly heartbroken because her suggestion made my teeth grind together.Was this what I put Travis through?Who knew it was so irritating to be told to look at the bright side when it was nowhere to be found?“I don’t know.He did help me with some of my feelings about…” Nope.Wrong topic.I should’ve rattled off something nice about Sofia instead.

Mom nodded slowly because, of course, she understood without me needing to speak Josh’s name.“How did he do that?”

I explained the accident in the pool, leaving out the part where we were flirting shamelessly at the time.“I don’t think I understood before then how guilty I’ve felt all these years,” I mused.“Like I should’ve saved Joshie somehow.When Sofia was struggling in the water, it was like reliving every single nightmare I’ve had since he drowned.Not being able to rescue him.”

“Honey.”Her palm cupped my cheek, a familiar gesture sweet enough to make me want to cry.“I hope we never made you feel guilty.”

“No, never,” I insisted.“I did it all on my own.”

“Eh, maybe we did have something to do with it.”The crow’s feet at the corners of her eyes deepened when she narrowed them.“We gave you too much responsibility from a young age.It wasn’t up to you to rescue Joshie, honey.I am so sorry you ever felt like it was.”

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