Page 45 of Shield

“I should have left you alone, Siena, I know that. I should have put some bodyguards on you and separated myself from you. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stay away.” I ball my hands into fists in my pockets. “I’m sorry.”

Her body is trembling as her eyes spark fire at me. “Was fucking Valentina part of your plan to ‘protect me,’ too?”

“You know that didn’t happen,” I say, moving toward her slowly.

“I do? Did you or did you not put her on the plane with me so that you could let me know that you were just fucking me for entertainment?”

I almost flinch, hurt that she would say that. Entertainment? She can’t really believe that. “You know that’s not true.”

She gestures to the leftover dinner plates. “It’s not? Because it is true that you guys never quite found the time to eat lastnight. That you were wearing nothing but a towel when I got here. That she left here naked under her dress this morning.”

Siena kicks the trash can, and it falls over, spilling out papers along with Valentina’s red bra and panties.

Her jealousy has my dick hard, and watching her re-animate with rage makes my heart pound with relief. She fucking loves me.

She shakes her head, her voice dripping with disgust. “Howthe fuckdoes fucking Valentina protect me?”

“I didn’t fuck Valentina last night.” I state the fact calmly, but work hard to bite back a smile when her eyes flash.

“‘Last night?You didn’t fuck her ‘last night?’” Her voice is low, and she enunciates each word, taking slow steps toward me until she’s right in front of me, her head tilted back to maintain eye contact. “Are you implying that you have fucked her in the past but for some reason didn’t last night?”

I can’t hold back the smile now. “I didn’t imply anything, but clearly you are inferring.”

She slams her fists into my chest, and I grab her arms and turn her around, hugging her back to me. Wrapping myself around her so that my mouth is next to her ear, I let myself just hold her for a few moments as she struggles against me, enjoying the feel of her in my arms.

When she calms down, her voice is low, precise. “You keep telling me different things, conflicting things, creating these elaborate set-ups apparently, in order to manipulate me, Matti. I can’t trust you. I don’t trust you.”

My heart breaks hearing those words from her. Burying my face in her neck, I breathe her in, squeezing her tighter, ready to tell her everything. Almost everything.

“I did fuck Valentina one time almost two decades ago whenwe were kids. We were never together. It was stupid. I didn’t give a shit about her then, and I don’t give a shit about her now. She knows that, and she doesn’t care, Siena. She’s a bitch who likes to fuck with people.”

“You’re an asshole!”

She writhes against me even more, and I adjust my grip, holding her even tighter so that she can’t move. It doesn’t stop her from trying.

“I did not fuck her last night. I didn’t fuck her the night you left or any night in between. Siena, listen to me. I know what it looks like. I know what she told you. And I’m telling you it didn’t happen.”

She begins to still, but her heart is pounding and her chest heaves with her labored breathing. “Why should I believe you? You lied about Emily.”

I sigh, my lips brushing against her skin as I speak. “I never said I had anything to do with Emily’s death. But I did let you believe it because you seemed to want to, and I knew it would help you walk away from me. I used Valentina, put her on that plane, for the same purpose. I haven’t fucked anyone else since the first time I laid eyes on you, and I will never look at, much less touch, another woman again. I am yours as much as you are mine. And youaremine, Siena. You always will be.”

“You don’t even fucking know me,” she snarls, but I can feel her body softening into mine as she tilts her head just slightly, giving me more access to her neck.

I smile softly, dropping kisses up to her ear. “I don’t know you? You read four books like the ones Olivia was reading with you at the Edge since you’ve been gone. The smile you give your clients is different from the one you give yourfriends, which is different from the one you give me—when you actually smile at me, that is. You wear your hair up when you go to bed and the tiniest clothes with the fan on, but sleep with a heated blanket. You eat Greek yogurt with maple syrup and fruit for breakfast every morning while scrolling on your phone. You have a yoga mat rolled out in the corner of your room, but you never use it.”

“Stuff you learned while spying on me doesn’t count. None of it has to do with who I am,” she growls, twisting in my arms to glare up at me with her big brown eyes, her fingernails digging into my chest.

I lace my fingers behind her back and look down at her, taking in every inch of her face, her neck, her chest, the feel of her in my arms. Fuck, even with her angry with me, I could stay like this forever.

“You care about the people you work with and the people you serve. You’ll eat lunch at that chicken place that you used to love but are now sick of just because it’s Blake’s favorite, then give most of it to an unhoused person on the way home. You’re honest to a fault. You love your family even though they don’t deserve any of your precious attention, except maybe your cousin, Sophie. You know who I am, both the man I am with you and the person I am out in the world, and you love me despite that, because you know my heart the same way I know yours.”

“I never said I loved you,” she whispers, pressing her forehead into my chest, her arms slipping down by her sides.

I lift her chin so she’s looking at me.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t with you when Aurelio came for you at the Edge, Siena. It’s a day I relive over and over in my head. If I could go back and do it over, I would. I’d give anything totake that experience away from you.” I kiss her forehead and take a breath. “But I wouldn’t change sending you back to your house. It was the best way to protect you then. Keeping you far away from me kept you safe. What I should have done differently is tell you what was happening. I’m so sorry I broke your trust. It fucking breaks me to know that you don’t believe in me. But I promise that I’ll do everything I can to earn your trust back. I promise you, baby, no more secrets.”

“No more secrets,” she repeats.

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