Page 47 of Shield

Siena curls into my chest and wraps her arms around me. “So you always ask me to verbalize what I want so that you know I’m not secretly feeling violated.”

I nod again, holding her tight. “I never saw it coming. I was in shock. I still am, whenever I think about it, and I think about it every single day. I’ve gone over it in my head thousands of times. She was asking me to do things, and I did what she wanted. The only thing I didn’t do was go hang out with everyone with her afterward like she wanted me to. I don’t know. I mean, she said in her letter it was rape, that she didn’t want it, so if she felt that way, then I was missing something, some kind of cue or sign. No matter how many times I relive it, I can’t figure out what it was.”

Swallowing hard, I force myself to meet Siena’s gaze. Relief floods through me as I realize that she isn’t screaming at me, isn’t trying to leave me. She sees me, she sees that I really didn’t know I was hurting Liana.

“It took me over a year to touch anyone again, more than two years to have sex with anyone. And I started making every woman say out loud exactly what she wanted, reminding them that I’d stop if they didn’t like it, asking them repeatedly. I know for a fact it annoyed the shit out of some women, but there was no way I was taking the risk of that happeningagain.”

Siena strokes my chest, snuggles her face into my neck as I tell her everything. I’ve never done this before, gone into detail like this, even with the people who know about it. Tommy and Vin always gave me the benefit of the doubt, but they’re my brothers, so I don’t know if that’s just out of loyalty. And Aurelio has never let me forget it. While that felt like protection at first, it quickly soured into something closer to blackmail.

Siena pulls back just enough to meet my gaze. “Thank you for telling me. It’s a horrible thing to hold by yourself. I don’t have any words that can change what happened or alleviate your pain, but I’m so sorry that you’re hurting.”

I sit up, pulling her onto my lap so she is straddling me, her forearms resting on my chest. I cup her face, pressing a kiss to her forehead, then pause, my mouth inches from hers.

“I know I don’t deserve you, Siena. And I know you deserve a better man. But I’m too selfish to give you up. I did try. When I sent you away, I told myself I wanted you to hate me. I did everything I could to make it happen.” My voice drops to a whisper. “But I couldn’t let you go.”

“The garage…” she says pensively. “What was that about?”

I sigh. “Those weeks without you, I was lost, Siena. Fucking killed me. I stepped out of that elevator and saw you there, and instinct took over. All I knew is that I needed to be inside you immediately.”

“But you wouldn’t kiss me,” she says softly, tracing her finger along my jaw line.

“My brain was fucked up without you, kitten. I knew I couldn’t keep you, so I didn’t kiss you. Like it would somehow protect me from the heartbreak of letting you walk awayagain.” I shudder, remembering her asking me to kiss her. “When I was in the car, and you asked me to kiss you, I wanted to so badly. But I also needed you to hate me if I was going to keep distance between us. I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough to make you go if you fought me on it and wanted to stay.”

“That little business with making me get in the car afterward?” she asks “If the plan with that was to make me hate you, it worked.”

“I know. It fucking broke me.”

Her voice is raw, and she drops her gaze to my chest. “You could have just told me, talked to me about it.”

I stroke her cheek with my thumb, refusing to let her look away. “I didn’t think you’d go.”

“I wouldn’t have,” she agrees with a soft smile.

I take a deep breath. Time to put all my cards on the table. “But would you stay?”

Her brows knit. “What do you mean?”

Indicating the penthouse with a sweep of my hand, I keep my eyes on her face. “I need you to stay here with me, Siena. I need you.”

She hesitates. “What about the safety issue? You said—”

I nod. “I did. And that was true. I barely slept the whole time you were gone making sure that you were never in danger. But that only worked until it didn’t. That’s why there were men looking for you last night at the club. And men waiting for you last night at your house.”

Siena pales. “At my…house?”

I squeeze her tightly. “You don’t have to worry. Everything was handled, and I am in the middle of making sure that this never happens again.”

“You’re in the middle of it…” she says slowly.

“Yes.”

“Which means Aurelio is still a threat?”

“He isn’t a threat to you here. This place is a fortress: security around the clock, fail-safe measures ready to lock off this floor if needed.”

I speak slowly so that she can absorb everything. She looks nervous, overwhelmed, and I want her to feel safe.

“Then why didn’t you keep me here the whole time?”

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