Page 120 of My Last Dance

“No, I didn’t say—”

“Yes, you did!”

He clenched his eyes shut.

“Don’t lie to me anymore,” I blubbered between tears. “No more secrets. Tell me everything, Richard. Right now. You have to.”

He seemed to shrink back. Sitting on the edge of the bed again, he looked helpless and lost. “I’ve only ever had two dreams,” he whispered. His eyes were red. “Make the NHL, and…” His chin quivered. “Make a life with you. I was waiting, you know. Until after you got your gold. That was always my plan.”

My heart cracked down the center. “Richard.” A new wave of tears hit me as I moved to him.

“Wait, just… Just let me explain…” He swallowed hard, gathering himself. “All I’ve ever wanted was to be with you, save up to provide for you, maybe I’d even be lucky enough to be your husband one day. Even when we weren’t talking, I always checked in to see how you were doing, even when it was painful. I wanted you to be happy. I really did. When we crossed paths this year, I thought, maybe it was finally our time.” His jaw tightened. “When everything happened this spring, when that test came back…” He trailed off. “And then you didn’t have a partner.” He looked up at me. “It felt like a sick joke at first. But then I just thought…maybe this is how it’s supposed to go. Maybe I can’t give her any of that, but maybe I can help her get this medal. And then…” His chest expanded with a ragged breath. “Maybe I can be the man in your mantel picture. And then maybe it won’t hurt so bad if I don’t get to be the man you marry.”

I covered my eyes and my whole body shook with a sob. Again, I wanted to slap him and hug him at the same time, but the hug won out. I hugged him, feeling so completely angry. Mad at the world. Mad at the unfairness. Mad at him for putting himself in danger and not even telling me about it.

“We can’t keep going. Let’s go home,” I said into the crook of his neck.

His hand went up to cradle the back of my head. He stayed silent for a beat. “I’m not going, Piper.”

I pulled out of his arms. “Your heart could stop, Richard. That’s what you’re telling me, right? That it could stop?” I choked out.

His face flinched. “It could stop while going to get a coffee, Piper. My dad was on a morning jog, the same jog he went on every single morning for years, and he—” His throat bobbed with a swallow.

“Richard, that was decades ago,” I said as gently as I could. “There have been medical advancements. We need to go in, we need to talk to doctors.”

“Okay, I will go in,” he said softly, trying to settle me. “Afterwe win the Olympics.”

“You could die at the Olympics!” I cried. I knew it was harsh, but I was desperate for him to listen to me.

His jaw locked. “I can’t be scared of hypotheticals.Yousaid that to me, Piper.”

My hands flew to my head. “That was just something I said when I was a stupid kid!”

“No,” he cut me off harshly, his brown eyes searing into me. “Don’t take that from me, Piper. Not when I’ve lived so much of my life by it. This ismychoice.”

I sucked in a shocked breath. “It’s a stupid choice.”

His throat bobbed with a swallow. “Maybe, but it’s mine.”

I could see it on his face. His decision was made, and he wasn’t budging. I couldn’t make him see how insane this was. This didn’t feel real. I wanted to rewind time, stop this from happening, but that wasn’t possible. It felt like I was once again stuck on a rollercoaster ride that was making me sick. “I need a minute… I need to…” I stormed out of the room.

All those years ago when I was afraid he was quitting and lost his fight… Nothing compared to the fear I felt now.

I ran to the trash can on wobbly legs and hurled everything from this day. Tears and snot streamed down my face. Too many emotions warred in my brain. But two stood out:

Pain.

Because we wasted so muchtime.

And terror.

Because his heart could stop.

________

I paced backstage before the Gala, but I wasn’t even sure why I put my dress or skates on.

“I don’t want to skate.” My whole body trembled. I held my chest, attempting to fight off an incoming panic attack. “This is too much, Richard. It could hurt you.”

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