Page 113 of Elevator Pitch

“I wanted to talk to you about something, aduel.”

I inhale deeply to prepare myself and shake my head.

“I knew something was wrong with eomma.”

“I told you there’s nothing wrong with either of us. I meant that. We’re in good health.”

“Then what do you want to talk about?”

My dad and I don’t have tough conversations. We’re avoidant, whereas Henry is the complete opposite and lets nothing linger.

“Aileen.”

I grip the steering wheel tighter and sigh. I’d like to berespectful, but I’d much rather pull over and walk away because this feels like a trap.

“I’d rather not, especially not today,” I respond, my tone firm.

“I’ve been quiet enough. I need you to listen.”

“Fine.”

I glance at Cliff in the rearview mirror, who’s sticking his head out the window and making the best of this beautiful weather today.

I’d love to stick my head out of the window right now, too, Bud.

“I know our relationship shifted once I expressed how strongly I was against you marrying Aileen. Your mother agreed with me and while you forgave her, things between us were never the same. I’d like to fix that, and we’ll need to talk about it. You’re a lot like me when it comes to talking about the hard stuff, we choose not to because it’s easier.”

I’m annoyed that he made that comparison, even more so that it’s accurate. No matter how much we say we don’t want to end up like our parents, we often do. If this conversation gives me a chance to avert that, then I’m game.

“Okay, let’s talk about it. Why were you so against me marrying her?”

“We never supported you marrying Aileen because we knew what a marriage looked like with two people who were willing to fight for it to work against all odds. There was only one person in that relationship willing to put in that effort and it was you. That’s how we raised you. You’re not a quitter and you’ll learn everything you can about something to achieve it. Just like when you were a kid, taking computers apart and putting them back together,” he chuckles to himself.

I don’t know what I expected him to say, but it wasn’t that. I’m not sure how to respond so I keep my focus on the road and nod my head.

When he doesn’t continue, I glance over at him, and he’s staring out the window.

“Appa?”

He sighs, “Your eomma and I faced so many challenges, but we fought hard because we both wanted this. You should know we struggled with fertility for a long time, between you and Henry. We had a few miscarriages when you were little and they really affected our marriage. We just wanted a family; it didn’t have to be a big one. Your mom and I agreed that you should have a sibling. So, we kept trying and it was really scary, aduel.”

I hear the emotion in his voice, I peer over at him and he’s taking deep breaths. I’ve never seen him this way.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to.”

He ignores my comment and continues, “I wasn’t sure how to fight this with her. She became very depressed and every time we weren’t successful, I felt like I lost a piece of her. It got to a point where we were desperate for help and met with a bunch of doctors before we found one that agreed to help us. We tried IVF. It took a while before it worked, but we got Henry.”

He chokes up and takes a moment to collect himself. I reach out my hand for him and he takes it. I breathe through the emotions building in my throat and keep driving. We’re almost to the ice cream shop, which is just what we’ll need after this conversation.

“Your mom still struggles with depression and that’s what I meant when I said she’s been sad lately and I wanted to cheer her up with our visit today. She goes to therapy and is being treated for it now, but it took a lot for her to get here. You know how our culture views mental health. It was difficult for me to understand, but we reached a dead end and I was open to anything. She needed me to fight for her on the days she wasn’t strong enough.That'swhat a partner does. You didn’t have that type of relationship with Aileen and you know it.”

He looks at me expectantly and I nod.

“You’re right. She was not a partner, at least not after we got married. As for mom, I never knew.”

“She was great at hiding it from you both. I didn’t like it. Especially as you grew up, but what she says goes.”

I pull into the lot of the ice cream shop and we go through the drive-thru, grabbing milkshakes for us and a vanilla cone for Clifford that he inhales when I give it to him. Dad let me know there’s more he wanted to discuss, but the heavier stuff is out of the way now. He hasn’t brought up Selah yet, but I’m waiting on it.

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