Page 125 of Elevator Pitch

She has suggested that I try co-working at home with Selah one day a week. It’s different from how she has to work in the coffee shop to be around people. I am being encouraged to stay home with her and see how that makes me feel about keeping a work/life balance. I’ll give it a fair shot because she absolutely loves it, but when I have tried it in the past, I didn’t enjoy working from home. I don’t think anyone who lives in Manhattan enjoys the commute, but I do love interacting with my staff. I also wouldn’t mind spending more time with Selah that isn’t on the weekends and in the evenings,so I can manage one day a week just to see how it works for us. We agreed to start next Friday and see how it goes.

Peach and Clifford don’t hate each other, which is interesting. The trial run went well, and we alternate between my place and hers. Clifford really enjoys playing and napping with his new friend. I love it because it gives Selah a reason to spend more time with us without feeling guilty. She does get annoyed whenever I come over in the daytime because I open her curtains to let the sun in. Peach on the other hand, loves it and sunbathes in the windows all day. So, I don’t mind her getting a little snippy with me when Peach is happy. It’s just a little sunlight; she’s not a vampire and she’ll live. Plus, her giving me a hard time is a part of her charm.

Aileen and Daniel’s wedding is in two weeks. I am only nervous because Aileen’s behavior is unpredictable and while she has pestered me about dating and bringing a plus one, I can’t guarantee how she’ll react. I’d like to believe she’ll be distracted enough by it being her special day that she wouldn’t start any drama. However, like I said she’s unpredictable and based on what I’ve heard from Audrey, she has been a Bridezilla. One of the worst of her career.

If she makes Selah uncomfortable at any point, I won’t hesitate to leave. I can’t imagine how odd this whole situation is going to be for her and I just want her to know I’m not leaving her side. I’ll admit as much as I love weddings, I wasn’t looking forward to this one until she agreed to come with me. We’re attending an Audrey Wood wedding at the Woodward in Manhattan, which is going to be extravagant and we’ll be a couple for the night. That’s the part I’m really excited about. Iwant Selah to see what things could be like between us. I hope that could warm her up to the idea of us pursuing more.

I’m proud to say our conversation about herno sleepoversrule went over well after that night. She’s been over my place quite a bit since then and I’ve slept over at hers. Once she shared that she doesn’t have nightmares whenever she sleeps with me; I saw no reason for us to sleep separately, but it wouldn’t be Selah without some resistance. We don’t share a bed every night, but as often as she allows it, we do. I know it took a lot for her to open up about her ex. I brought it up in therapy because I wanted to know how I can support her through this. I’ve been advised to keep meeting her where she’s at and don’t pry. She is becoming more comfortable with me and I’m grateful for that.

Today’s therapy session is different than usual because I’ve decided I’m going to tell Selah how I feel soon. Dr. Pierson was able to fit me in for a session before I have this talk with her so I can be prepared. She’s roleplaying the conversation with me based off what I’ve practiced and is going over what reactions to expect. As much as I’d love to get a positive reaction, I know a negative one could be more likely.

Selah could feel betrayed and while that wasn’t my intention, I’m aware of that possibility. Being honest was a rule of this arrangement and the moment things shifted for me, I should’ve been upfront. She’s been through enough bullshit in her life and can’t feel safe around someone who’s dishonest. I’m probably being too hard on myself, but I love her so much that the thought of hurting her makes me sick. I fear I’ve really fucked myself this time and I haven’t even told her yet.

We discuss what will I do if her reaction is positive and itcatches me off guard. I’ve been so worried about losing her, that I haven’t given much consideration to what I’d do if she’d stay. She doesn’t have to say it back if she doesn’t feel it. If she feels anything for me or believes she someday could, I’ll take that. I’d shown her how things could be if she were mine and I meant it.

The voice in my head taunts me as the anticipation builds. I don’t remember being this nervous since I proposed all those years ago. If I had an ox-eye daisy right now, the petals would be ripped from it. Hopeful for a game where the odds are in my favor.

She loves me, she loves me not.

She loves me, she loves me not.

She loves me, she loves me not.

What if she loves me?

61

working from home

Greyson

Manhattan | April 19, 2024

Today,we’re co-working at my place, per my therapist’s suggestion. This experiment is to prove that I can have a work/life balance, maintain a relationship, and a successful career. If it goes over well, I’ll be proven wrong. Selah has been nothing but supportive of me going to therapy, and when I asked if she’d work from home with me once a week at my place, she was all for it. I was a little surprised she agreed because I know she has a routine that she likes to stick to.

So far, it’s been going well because we’ve both been busy. I have a partner’s desk in my home office, so we’re facing each other, but we haven’t been able to speak much. I must say it’s nice to be able to look up and see her face. While she can be distracting, I don’t mind. However, she can stay focused on work while I stare at her, but she argues it’s because of her ADHD medication.

I quickly realized how easy it is for her to forget to eat when she’s in her zone and locked in on a project, so I keep bringing her snacks and water. She works with headphones on, and I have no idea what she’s listening to. I’ve passed by her desk afew times to peek over her shoulder, and all I know is she better send me that playlist. I seriously underestimated what working with someone whose job is all about music would be like. She just vibes all day and types aggressively, which I now suspect is on beat with whatever she is listening to.

Another thing I’ve noticed about co-working with Selah is she’s a chair dancer, and not in the way you think. Though with the pole dancing classes, I’m certain she can do that too. She keeps rolling her hips and twerking in that damn chair. I’ve never been jealous of an inanimate object before today. I now see how she acts when she’s alone working all day. So not only is her beauty distracting, but watching her work and goof around is a turn-on for me. I’m a little concerned about my productivity today, but then I remember she logs off at noon on Fridays, so I’ll be alone after that.

The day is halfway through when Selah gets off and hops in the shower. She’ll likely curl up in my bed and read ‘til I’m off. So, I take advantage of the time apart and dive back into my to-dos before my afternoon meetings.

As we’re getting closer to Selah’s birthday, I’ve been thinking of the remaining tasks on her list she has yet to complete. We have a little over three weeks left.

She returns in the doorway of my office with her curls pulled back, and she’s wearing one of my shirts. It stops mid-thigh, and she isn’t wearing a bra. I bite my lip while I take her in because I’ve had about enough of her unknowingly seducing me today.

“What are you doing in here? You’re done for the day.”

“Well, when I’m done for the day, I like to blow off some steam.”

“What are you saying?” I stare at her expectantly.

“I was going to grab a toy, but you’re here. So, I could use you instead.” A devious grin spreads across her face.

I love this woman. Don’t say that out loud.

I fight the urge to laugh.

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