Page 130 of Elevator Pitch

“You don’t have to love me back today, but you could love me. Can you please stay so we can talk? I love you so much that I will wait for you. I’ll fucking wait, Selah. For as long as you need me to. I promise I will. There’s no one else in this world for me. It’s you.”

“Please. Please stop saying that,” she begs. “This is why I shouldn’t have roped you into this shit with the fucking list. I should’ve just found someone on the app. That was the plan.”

She throws her strap on her shoulder and opens the door. My feet follow her out because I’m not finished with this conversation.

“Maybe you should’ve. Except you didn’t want anyone on the app, did you? You wantedme. Do you regret me? Us? Answer me, Selah.”

I plead to her back, waiting for her to face me. She turns toward me with red-rimmed eyes, and tears stream down her face. “Don’t ask me that,” she sniffles.

Clifford walks past me and goes to Selah. He knows something is wrong.

Dammit.

This is exactly what I was worried about. She squats down to his level, rubbing his chin and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

She says, “I love you, Clifford. Tell your daddy I’m sorry.”

The doors open, and I whistle for Cliff. He stays put, watching Selah board the elevator. She lets out a wracked sob as the doors close, and he whines for her. A tear wets my shirt as I call for him again.

“Come on, Bud. She had to leave,” I choke.

He stares curiously at me before he walks over with his head hung low. I follow him back into our apartment and shut the door behind us. I sink down to the floor with a defeated sigh as another tear falls. Clifford plops down beside me with a loud exhale.

He loved her, too.

“I know the feeling, Bud. At least we have each other.”

She may not love me, but at least she loves Clifford.

63

runaway bride again?

Selah

Manhattan NY | April 20, 2024

The doorsopen and I step onto the platform. Clifford watches me from the hallway, with a tilted head. He’s confused and concerned about Greyson and me.

Me too, sweetie. Me too.

This is why rules were put in place. He was the one that was more experienced with casual relationships. He was the one that shouldn’t have fallen in love. He was concerned about me coming from long-term relationships and look at what happened. I’m doing it again. I packed a go bag, and I am running. This fucking elevator cannot close fast enough. I need to get far away from here.

Greyson is in love with me.Why doesn’t he understand? I can’t trustanyonenot to hurt me. Loving me simply isn’t enough. It doesn’t ensure my safety. Manipulation was a familiar friend disguised as love and I was the butt of the joke. I didn’t know until the end that Jourdan never loved me. I was simply an easy target. Even after two years of therapy I don’t trust myself not to get caught in another spiderweb. The best way to protect myself is to have strict rules and boundaries.

Grey’s voice quivers when he calls out for Cliff, but he stands in the hall waiting for me. I never wanted to hurt him. My stomach turns at the cracks in his voice. I never intended to hurt anyone. This was the one time I did something selfish because I thought I deserved it, and I see now that I was wrong. I dragged him into this. We wouldn’t even be here right now if I’d stayed away from him like I tried to in the beginning. The doors are closing and Cliff whines.

I’m so sorry.

A wracked sob escapes me before the doors fully shut. I’m certain he heard it. I couldn’t hold it any longer. I watch the numbers descend through teary eyes until they stop on my floor. I managed to make it home without running into anyone else. I plop onto my bed and scream into my pillow. Everything was perfect. These past few months have been smooth and peaceful. Every day with him feels like a dream, so I’d be lying if I said it never felt like we were ‘more,’ or at least heading towards it. Then yesterday was unreal. I can’t fault him for riding that high and baring his soul. He could’ve lied, but he didn’t. He promised he wouldn’t lie, and I respect it, even if I don’t like the truth.

I hate how I reacted at that moment. I really care for Greyson and enjoy his company. We get along well, and this arrangement made sense, at least I thought. I’m just not capable of giving him what he deserves so I won’t waste his time. He could find himself a woman that’s ready to be loved and appreciate him now. He said he’d wait for me. Why? What good would that do for him? If you’re ready to love and be loved, why waste time waiting for someone that isn’t to eventually come around? I’m surely not worth all that trouble. I’m not healed enough, and I don’t want to damage anyone’s heart while mending my own.

I am chaos and Greyson is peace.

I don’t want to hear anything about ‘Stubborn Selah’ right now. I need a neutral voice of reason, and that’s Eric Callahan. I send off a text to see if he’s down for some shenanigans today.

Me

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