Page 29 of Crash and Burn

I wanted her to say something. Anything. We sat in silence for a few minutes, and she finally spoke.

“How do you feel right now? Not about the day, but in this very moment?”

“I feel...Happy. Calm. At peace.”

“Then I would say that is a win for today. Live in that. Be in that feeling because it’s ok to be happy…even when you don’t think you should be.”

Her words meant a lot. I smiled, got up, grabbed our plates, and took them to the kitchen to toss them in the trash. Then I stood in the kitchen and said, “I should go.”

Amelia stood up. “Of course. Thank you for sharing your birthday with me. I know today wasn’t easy, but I hope it was easier than it’s been.”

She had no idea. Without thinking, I reached in to give her a hug. She wrapped her arms around me. She smelled good. I closed my eyes…but then I panicked. I let go and stepped back.

“I’m sorry. I’m going to go. Thank you for today, Amelia.”

She nodded, smiled and we walked to the door. “Drive safe, Hudson. Text ‘home’ when you make it, so I don’t worry.”

I nodded and walked out.

*

My drive home was fast. I felt overwhelmed with a mix of thoughts and emotions. Walking in the house, I yanked my hoodie over my head and tossed it onto the couch. When I did, I got whiff of her smell lingering on my hoodie. I was hot and felt like I was having a panic attack. My phone dinged with a text. It’s Amelia.

“You make it ok?”I let out a deep breath.

“I’m home. Thnx.”I tossed my phone down and walked to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and reached for a towel to dry off then looked at myself in the mirror, thinking,You’re fine, man. She’s a friend and you’re fine.She smelled amazing. That’s wrong. Is it though?My phone rang. It was Vinny.

“Hey, man.”I can’t hide the panic in my voice.

“Hudson. What’s wrong? Where are you?”

“I’m at home.”

“Give me 15 minutes, buddy. I’m on my way.”

Vinny gets me the same way Carter does, only he isn’t as pushy as Carter. Bianca, Vinny’s wife, isn’t pushy either, the way Lex can be. I was sitting on the couch in the living room when Vinny walked in. All my friends just walked in. It had been that way since Dev passed. They all got keys made in case of an emergency because I wasn’t really taking care of myself.

“Hudson, what’s up, bro?”

I just looked at him. My eyes felt heavy. I said, “I don’t know. I guess I’m just panicking.”

Vinny asked in his New York accent, “What’d you do taday? Carter said you went somewhere with Amelia. Happy Birthday, by the way.”

“I did. She didn’t want me to spend my thirty-fifth birthday alone. It was nice.”

“What’d yous do?”

I laughed, “She picked me up with a City Bus, man.”

“Ha! A City Bus? You’re kidding.”

“No. Long story but she rides the city bus home from work almost every night. Anyway, she arranged for her usual driver to drive us around. She took me to the bookstore, and I bought a book.”

“Youbought a book? Since when doyouread?”

“Tell me about it. Another long story but I bought a book, we had lunch, and then we went to a record store. When we got there, I bought a record player, and we picked out a record for each other. She picked out Jimi Hendrix for me. It’s a good album. I got it home, as you can see there…” I pointed to the table. “I put it on, and it was great. I got a lot of work done.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

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