Page 40 of Crash and Burn

“Am, don’t shut down. Don’t close yourself off to everyone again. I’ll come here every day if it means making sure you don’t lose yourself.”

He sat closer to me, wrapped me in an embrace, and that was when I lost it. I sobbed hard, leaning into his chest.

He hugged me tighter, “Hey now, everything’s going to be ok. I told you I would do whatever I needed to protect you. It’s gonna be alright.”

I’m not sure how long I cried but it felt like I had nothing left. I finally calmed down and when I pulled back and looked up at him, I noticed his shirt was all wet. “Sorry, I got your shirt all wet.”

He smiled, “Eh, just a little water, right? Don’t wipe your eyes with your sleeve though. It’s too rough. Let me grab you some tissues. I don’t want your eyes to hurt.”

I smiled a little and nodded my head. I thought,He’s so considerate. “Thanks, Hudson.” He came back with the tissue. “I do think I just need a little time though. I’m sorry we couldn’t get Christmas Trees.”

“Stop apologizing. I want you to rest. I’m a phone call away if you need anything.”

He grabbed my chin and brought my eyes to look at him. I closed my eyes and dropped my head.

“Amelia, look at me…”

When I opened my eyes he looked into them, and it felt like he was staring into my soul and reading every thought and emotion that I had kept locked inside so no one could hurt me. It was intimidating and my stomach was in knots. We slowly moved closer into each other; our breathing heavier. I reached my hand up and covered his hand that had moved to caress the side of my neck.

“Hudson…” His name on my lips sounds like a plea.

He leaned his forehead against mine. It felt like we were breathing the same breath when he said, “I don’t know if this is wrong…”

“It can’t be…” I said breathy.Please kiss me…it was all I could think. His thumb was caressing my cheek when he leaned in, his lips meeting mine. It felt like my entire world had stopped. The fluttering in my stomach instantly shifted somewhere else. I reached up and cradled his face in my hands. He moved back on the couch bringing me to the point of needing to straddle him as we desperately kissed deeper, our tongues intertwined. He gripped the back of my neck possessively and before I even realized what I was doing, I was grinding on his lap slowly as we kissed. He reached behind me and grabbed my ass with both hands, guiding us and pulling me harder against him.

I was drowning in pleasure, drowning in his taste, his smell, and the rough way he grabbed me, knowing I was safe with him. Hudson let out what sounded like a deep growl from his chest. I could feel him beneath me, his body responding with each stroke of my tongue through his lips.

“Hudson…” I moaned.

He instantly froze.

Oh no.

He pulled away… “Amelia, I’m sorry.”

No…the moment’s passed.I slid off him and onto the couch next to him.

Frustrated, he said, “Amelia, I should go. It shouldn’t happen like this. You’re emotional and…”

“Hudson, stop. That’s not what happened.”

“It is. This was…we shouldn’t...I shouldn’t have.” He got up off the couch and headed for the door.

“Hudson, please wait. Don’t run away from me, please.”

He stopped…turned around, looking so sad, completely tormented.

“Hudson, please. I don’t regret this. You felt amazing, that was amazing.”

“Amelia, I can’t. If you need me, call me. Ok? But I have to go.”

He was out the door before I could say another word. I closed the door and locked up. I leaned against the door and slid down to a sitting position on the floor.

Oh my god, what did I do? We ruined it. Everything.My eyes were teary again. I was so tired. Things were going so good and then Kevin found me. I had no idea where he was and what the hell he was doing. Things were fine with me and Hudson and then we kissed, and he regretted it. I didn’t know what to do with these feelings. I just needed to sleep it off. I dragged myself to the couch where Hudson was laying. The pillow still smelled like him. I didn’t know what to do.

*

The weekend came and went. No sign of Kevin again and no messages from Hudson. I was back to work, and I texted Hudson a few times over the next couple of days but didn’t get a response.

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