Page 53 of Crash and Burn

“Ok, too harsh? Well, he can unfuck himself, but I’m still mad that he let you leave.”

“She’s right, Am. It’s not ok. I know you care about him, but he clearly has more baggage to handle that you don’t need to take on or get hurt over. No way.”

“I know you guys are right. Things have been amazing, though. We make out, we hold hands, we go places together, we talk. I spent Thanksgiving with his whole family/friends group and he was so affectionate. I was worried about stepping into his space. I think I knew in my gut it would be a bad idea, but he invited me, so I figured he was ready.”

“Listen babe, he has got to sort some shit out. I think you need to steer clear for a while. Let him breathe and figure out what he wants his future to look like. If it’s you, he will come to you. If it’s not, then your time with Hudson just confirmed that there are other guys besides Kevin’s bitchass.”

I laughed, wiping the tears away. “Thanks, V. I appreciate you both. I work tomorrow and it’s late, so I should probably go. Amanda, ...I’m surprised you’re still awake.” I poked fun.

“Eh, something in my gut was telling me to text you. Glad I did.”

“Love you both!”

“Love you, byeee!”

They were right. I just needed to focus on me, so I told myself,I’m going to go get me a Christmas tree and decorations. I’m going to go to work and read and just focus on me and the things that make me happy.I thought,When Hudson is ready, he’ll reach out. I hope.

Chapter 20

Hudson

I had royally fucked everything up. Every single thing. I hadn’t left the bed in a week, wondering what the fuck I was doing. I get up to piss and when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize the guy looking back at me. He wasn’t the same guy that had been happy for three months.

BOOM BOOM BOOM.I jumped because I wasn’t expecting anyone.Who the fuck is that?I grabbed a towel and wiped my face down, tossing the towel on the bathroom counter and went to the front door. Before I could make my way down the hall, I heard, “YOOOO!!! Where you at, Hud?”

Are you fucking kidding me? Carter.Then I heard two more voices bullshitting back and forth.What the fuck is this? Cole and Vinny.

I yelled, “I’m here, I’m here!” I opened the door, and they all looked at me with big shit-eating grins on their faces. “The question is, what the fuck areyouassholes doing here?” I said it as I side eyed them and went to the kitchen. They laughed at me.

“I love the warm welcome from this fuckin’ guy!” Vinny, so sarcastic.

“Makes me toasty inside,” Cole said.

I was fucking miserable and started spewing rapid fire shit, “Seriously though, what do you want? Coffee? Breakfast? To go home to your respective families and leave me alone? Take your pick.” I’m not in the mood. Am I ever in the mood? No, but I’m especially not in the mood right now.”

“I’ll take coffee for $1,000, Alex,” Carter joked.

Cole said, “Aw, rest in peace, Alex.”

Vinny came over to me and said, “Listen, bro…lemme get a cup of coffee and then we need to talk.”

“Vinny man, what are you talking about? I don’t really need this right now.” My tone was low, almost a whisper. Cole and Carter were fucking off in the living room, playing with the record player. I looked back at them and then back down at my coffee. I put my hands on the counter, leaning back and forth and taking deep breaths to relax.

“See, that’s where you’re wrong, bro. Youdoneed this. I don’t recognize you anymore, Hud. What the hell happened? You been holed up in this place for a week and you’re not returnin’ phone calls. Now, we know you’ll be ok, but the girls…the girls are yappin’ away about this shit. So, tell us what happened.”

Shaking my head, I folded my arms across my chest and took a sip of coffee. “I fucked up, bro. I thought I was ready. I thought I was ready to have Amelia over here, so I invited her to dinner, but I fucked up.”

That caught Carter and Cole’s attention. I pushed off the counter and walked to the living room to sit in my chair. I watched as the three of them sat down on the couch. Vinny being the last one to sit, slid Dev’s slippers over with his foot.

Pissed with myself, I said, “That! That right there! You moved Dev’s slippers and that is what fucked everything up with Amelia!” I set my coffee down, propped my elbows on my knees, ran my fingers through my hair, and clutched my head with both hands. It was so fucking frustrating.

“Whoa! Me moving Devina’s slippers fucked what up? Slow down.”

Carter spoke up as if he could read my mind. “Amelia…Amelia moved Devina’s slippers and probably sat where you’re sitting, and it freaked Hudson out. That’s where Devina would sit. Am I close?”

I nodded. “I fucked it up. We were having such a good night. I made dinner…”

Vinny cut me off. “Ay! You made dinna, bro? What’s so great about Amelia that ain’t great ‘bout us? You never made us dinna.” We laughed.

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