Page 23 of Tempting Sebastian

It’s not that my life was horrible, or I had some traumatic past. I grew up in a very loving family. We were poor, my mom worked hard to make a living for Quinn and me, and so I promised myself that I would do everything to make sure none of us struggled like when we were young. That’s how Moore & Holbrook Antiques started. I didn’t want to work for someone else. After working at a corporate job after corporate job and seeing how employers just shit on their employees, and it seemed like the long-term ones were the worst, I vowed not to run a business that way. When Jackson came along, he was eager and honestly was the perfect fit for what we needed in someone for that position. At some point, I became an all work and no play person.

Jackson quickly changed that. He was always trying to get me to smile, and I honestly hadn’t realized it until that day in the work kitchen when he told me I never smiled. He’s the only one besides Quinn who has ever called me out. It made me think back on all our interactions over the years and Jackson was right. I rarely smiled, rarely said good morning, and rarely interacted with anyone. Not until him. I never thought in a million years someone could make me smile the way he has. He’s burrowed himself deep into my chest and maybe that’s why I’ve got the need to be near him, protect him, know everything about him.

Jackson was perusing the shelves of books. Each one he touched seemed to fascinate him like he’d never held a book before. The guy from the counter came up to him and pointed out a book. You could tell it caught Jackson off guard because he jumped slightly, but then once he realized what the guy was doing, he smiled. Jackson grabbed the book from him, still beaming. I felt like some kind of voyeur, but that had to be theguy he was seeing, I told myself. I was confused and didn’t know what to do in that situation.

“This is one of my favorite books of poetry. I think you’ll like it.” The guy said to Jackson. It was stupid that I was close enough to hear their conversation and not at all scared of getting caught by Jackson. I’d lost my mind.

Jackson flipped through the book and said, “Yes, I know Pablo Neruda well. Sonnet seventeen is one of my favorite poems by him. Have you read it?”

The guy shook his head. “No, but I’ll check it out. I better get back. Someone’s at the counter.”

“Thanks,” Jackson said, and the guy left. Jackson continued looking through the book, then walked to a different aisle. I took his place where the Neruda books were. I found100 Love Sonnetsin paperback and grabbed it off the shelf. When I saw Jackson go to the back of the store, I went and checked out.

Counter guy said, “Thanks for shopping with us. I was just telling another customer about Pablo Neruda. This is a great book.”

Flatly, I said, “Is it? What’s your favorite poem?”

He stuttered, “Oh…um…well, there’s just so many I like.”Right. He hadn’t read it but was trying to pass off something love related to Jackson. Was my mind playing tricks on me? Was I being ridiculous? Maybe I was, but I could smell shit from a mile away and that guy was covered in it. “Thanks, hope you shop here again,” he said.

I grabbed the bag, looked back to see Jackson still browsing, then turned and left the store. Unlike counter guy, I had actually read Sonnet seventeen, and itisa beautiful poem. It reminded me of Jackson, which was crazy because the poem is all about love and I didn’t love Jackson. I cared for him, but love… I didn’t love anyone. At least, I didn’t think I loved anyone.

Stopping by Walgreens on the way home, I grabbed a gift bag and tissue paper to put the book inside and a small card to go with it. I’d been a complete dick to Jackson, and it was time to make up for it. I had to start somewhere, and this seemed like the best way.

Chapter 18

Jackson

After finishing at the bookstore, I caught the bus back home. Since Thanksgiving had passed, all of the stores were adding holiday lights and I just wanted to be out window shopping. Sebastian hadn’t even mentioned getting a tree. I wondered if he held Christmas every year or if Quinn did. I couldn’t remember the last time I celebrated Christmas. It was just never a fun time for me so I honestly wouldn’t be too bothered if Mr. Grinch decided he didn’t want to do anything.

I felt weird walking up the steps to the house. Not horrible or scared or anything, but just weird. I was tired of things being awkward between Sebastian and me. It was exhausting and I was over it. When I walked in, the house smelled amazing.Was he cooking?I wondered. Taking my jacket off, I hung it in the closet and went to the kitchen.

Sebastian was standing over the stove mixing something in a big pot. “Oh, hey Jackson!”

Holy shit he was cheery.It was freaking me out. “Um, hey! What are you making?”

He smiled and nudged his head for me to come closer. “Look. It’s a wintery soup called albondigas. In college, I had a friend who was Mexican, and he made this all winter for all of us. We couldn’t get enough of it.”

Taking a big whiff of it, it smelled amazing. “What’s in it? I’ve never had it.”

“It’s got beef and rice meatballs, tomato broth, rice, and potatoes. I think it can be made in different ways, but this was how he made his. You can add lemon pepper to really bring out the flavor in it. He used to add so much to his bowl.” He laughed and his laugh was hypnotizing. “You’ve been making dinner all the time, so I thought I would make it. My way of apologizing for everything that’s happened. Will you eat dinner with me? Iamsorry, Jackson.”

Wow. I was shocked. Who was I to turn him down. I wanted nothing more than to eat dinner with him like we used to before things got all fucked up. “Yes, I would love to. I can’t believe you did all this.”

“Will you grab some bowls down and get drinks ready?”

I smiled at him and moved to set the table. It was nice to have a normal relaxed evening like we used to early on when I first started staying with Sebastian. We had great conversations through dinner about everything from work to the holidays, including finding a Christmas tree. “Do you want to go look for a tree this weekend? I haven’t done a Christmas tree in years because Quinn usually hosts Christmas, but it could be nice to have one here for us.”

“Only if you really want to. I was thinking about apartment shopping this weekend.” It was like the entire world went silent when I said it. You could hear a pin drop.

Sebastian set his spoon down and wiped his mouth. “You’re leaving?”

“Well, not tomorrow but that was always the goal, right?” I set my spoon down too and leaned back in my chair staring at him.

“Does this have something to do with whoever you’re seeing?”

“What?” He was thinking about my lie. I had to fix that.

“The guy you’re seeing. Is it about him? Is that why you want to leave?” He was visibly upset, and I felt terrible about lying still.

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