Page 25 of Tempting Sebastian

Sebastian

I’d been waiting for Jackson to get home. He’d been gone all day. The front door opened, and I went to greet him. “Hey! Do you want to go get…”

He cut me off before I could finish. “I’m moving out.”

We stood there looking at each other for a minute before I said, “What?”

He smiled and said, “I found a place. I just paid the first month’s rent plus half the deposit. It’s a great place. It’s over on Moss Avenue. It’s an apartment and I’m on the main floor. All utilities paid. I really couldn’t beat it.” Jackson took his coat off and hung it in the front closet as he spoke. “He already gave me the keys. I can move in immediately. You’ll have your place all to yourself again.”

I didn’t want my place all to myself. “Jackson…that’s…really great.” I hated it. I didn’t want him to leave. “I’m really happy for you.”

He smiled again and said, “Sebastian, thank you so much for everything. I honestly don’t know if I would’ve survived without you. Those guys…”

It was my turn to cut him off. “Don’t. I don’t even want to think about it. I’m glad I could help, Jackson.”Stay with me.I wanted to say to him.

He shrugged. “Yeah, so…I guess this is… it, right?”

No. No, it wasn’t it. I didn’t want it to beit.It meant over. It meant no more dinners and talks, no more tv together. It meant no more drives to work together or drives home. It meant a quiet house. It meant him moving on…without me. I’d missed my chance to tell him how I felt. Jackson was a drug. He cured everything. He calmed my nerves even when he was driving me crazy. His voice. His smile. Him. He had turned into someone I not only wanted in my life but needed and I just hadn’t known it. But I didn’t say any of that. Instead, I said, “Yeah, I guess this is it. Do you need help? With anything, I mean.”

“No.” He laughed. “It’s not like I have a lot. I’m going to go up and pack my bag and then I’ll head out.” He turned and made his way upstairs.

What was I doing?Live with me,I wanted to yell after him.I couldn’t bring myself to say the things I wanted to say to him. I couldn’t bring myself to be honest with him. I was stubborn, and afraid. I didn’t know what I was afraid of though. Jackson was a surprise. He tossed my whole world upside down. What happened at the hotel, in my kitchen… it all made me feel alive and I haven’t felt alive in years. Following him upstairs, I stood in his doorway.Hisdoorway tohisroom. It would always be his room if he wanted it. “What are you going to do about a bed and furniture and food? Do you need me to take you anywhere?” I asked.

He smiled, silent for a moment. “I don’tneedanything, Sebastian. I think Ineedto know that I can do all of this on my own.”

On his own. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to leave. “Right. Okay. Well, you know where to find me if you need anything. Anything with work too. Take care, Jackson.”

I walked toward him and hugged him, catching myself by surprise when I did.Citrus.His smell made me hug him tighter. When we finally let go, we paused face to face, exchanging breaths, neither of us saying anything. I went to reach for his face, to finally tell him what I wanted to tell him, but then he cleared his throat and said, “Well, I should get going. Thank you again, Sebastian.”

Dropping my hand, I stepped away and watched him walk past me, downstairs and out the front door. I shot off a text to Quinn to come over if she was free and I dragged my ass downstairs to pour myself a drink.

The front door opened. I was sitting on the couch, in the dark, whiskey in hand. Quinn came around the corner and said in a whisper. “Bash…”

“He’s gone, Quinny. He left. I’m an idiot, am I not?”

She came over and sat next to me, taking the drink from my hand and putting it on the table. “Oh, Bash. You like him. Yes, you should’ve just told him how you felt but I’m not sure that would’ve stopped him from leaving.”

Lifting my head, I looked at her and said, “Why? Why wouldn’t he stay?”

“You saved his life and for the past several months he’s been dependent on you. The one thing that Jackson has always wanted was to be independent. No foster care. No homeless shelter. No sleeping on bus benches. His own place. That’s what he wanted. Some place that he can call home and know it’s not going anywhere.”

“I told him if he needed anything to let me know. I would do whatever he needs.” I grabbed my drink off the table and took another sip.

“Sebastian, you’re not hearing me. Need and want are two different things. Not many people feel goodneedingsomeone else because they’re having trouble making it on their own. Do youneedto help Jackson, or do you want to help him? Don’t you want him towantto be here and spend time with you? Not because heneedsit but because it’s what hewants. And you want him here because you love having him around and you have feelings for him, even if you won’t admit it.”

Hanging my head, I looked into my glass and said, “I want to make sure he’s safe. I want him around. I want to tell him how I feel. I want to tell him that night in the hotel changed me. He’s not just someone who needs help. He’s someone I love being around and spending time with. Fuck, Quinn. I’ve wasted so much time resisting and being an asshole. Now he’s gone.”

She stood up, walked around to the window, and then turned around and said, “Wait. What happened at the hotel?” I got up and went to the kitchen, completely ignoring her question. “Bash! Don’t ignore me. Something happened between you two. That’s why you’ve been acting like an idiot and why he’s been all emotional about it. Oh.My.God. Tell me what happened!”

Shaking my head back and forth, I said, “I’m not telling you shit. And I didn’t know he was emotional. I really screwed the fucking pooch here, Quinn.” She made a squealing sound. “Did you just fucking squeal?” She was clapping her hands together like a freak. “Get out of my house. I’m going to lay down. I have a buzz. I haven’t had anything to drink in a long time. Bye, Quinny.”

“Bye, Bash! Bash and Jackson sitting in a tree…” she was singing on the way out. So annoying.

It was the first night without Jackson in the house and it was so quiet. I woke up the next day and I didn’t know what to do so I decided to send Jackson a text.

Hey. How was your first night in the new place?

Waiting for a response was agony. I wasn’t even sure if he would be awake.

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