Page 127 of The Wedding Menu

“We’re notjustfriends. We’ll never be just friends, and that’s why you dumped me after ourfriendlydate.” His jaw sets. “Because you know that too.”

“Don’t say that. I didn’t dump you, Ian.”

“That’s not the point,” he says with a groan.

“I didn’t dump you, I—”

“That’s not the point!” he shouts. Taking a deep breath, he runs his fingers through his hair. Then he shoves his hands into his pockets. “You can’t tell me you don’t want me, Amelie. I know you do.”

My head is pounding, my heart following the quick rhythm.

He’s right, of course. I do want him. Just being locked in this small bathroom with him, breathing the same air, is intoxicating. Since my birthday, I’ve thought about our night together constantly. About all he said, about his voice and his moans and his gasps of pleasure. About the sweet words that followed.

“I—” My fists clench. “It doesn’t matter, Ian. We want different things, and just because I have a crush, it doesn’t mean—”

“A crush?”

As his eyes narrow, my shoulders sag. “No. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, Idoknow what you mean.” He looks out the window, his fists clenched. “I just don’t know if you’re lying to yourself or if I…” He swallows. “…if I really do know nothing about love.”

I close my eyes. The need to tell him he’s much more than a crush is fighting with my awareness that if I decide that’s the truth, then I’m welcoming more heartbreak. Because there is only one truth and one alone: Ian can’t give me the thing I want the most. He can’t promise me forever. He won’t marry me.

God, what am I doing? Why am I even considering this? I can’t walk out of my own wedding. I can’t leave Frank at the altar and run away with Ian. I can’t let my father wait to walk me down the aisle. I can’t let the whole world know just how badly I fucked up.

“I’m begging you,” he pleads. He doesn’t even look into my eyes, and I can’t tell if it’s fear or shame over the fact that he’s pleading. “Call it off, Amelie.”

“Ian, Frank is—”

“Fuck Frank.”

“Every person I know and love is here. I—”

“Fuck everyone else, Amelie,” he insists as he clasps me by my forearms. His eyes burn into mine as he speaks slowly. “Stop thinking of the way you’resupposedto feel. Just feel.”

“I—I…”

His hold on my forearms lightens, almost as if he knows what I’ll say before I do.

“I can’t, Ian. You don’t want me, not the way I need you to.”

His jaw twitches as he looks down at the floor. “Is marriage so important to you that you’d choose to be his unhappy wife over being my happy girlfriend?”

“That’s unfair,” I say, my eyes fighting against the weight of my brows. “You know marriage has always been my dream. You said I shouldn’t be with you.”

“Choose me unconditionally,” he says. His lips are almost on mine, and even amid all this madness, it’s difficult not to lift my face to his and kiss him. “Choose me unconditionally, and I will choose you unconditionally too.”

When I say nothing, only whimpers and sobs coming out of my lips, he straightens, as if he’s found his answer in my hesitation. “Okay. That’s it—that’s… enough.” Tears roll down his cheeks as he blinks. “I’m leaving.”

He walks past me, and my hand clings to his shirt, my fingers gripping the soft fabric even as he gently tries to shake me off. But I can’t let him go. This can’t be the last memory I have of him—the one that’ll burn into my mind forever. “Please, Ian, wait.”

“No, Amelie.” He pulls his arm closer to his body, freeing himself from my hold. “We’re done.I’mdone. Please don’t contact me anymore.”

I stare at the back of his head, as he hasn’t turned to speak, but his voice is shaking hard enough that I know he’s crying.

I’m not. What I feel at this moment, in this very instant, goes far beyond pain. Beyond guilt and regret and confusion. It’s as eradicating as death, but without the peace that comes afterward. Just darkness.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

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