Page 37 of The Wedding Menu

Ian:

I know. I enjoy doing it.

“You’re just so very unhelpful,” I mumble.

Enjoying the fresh taste of the chardonnay, I stare down at my phone. He definitely has commitment issues, and I know there’s a story with him and relationships—no one isthatagainst weddings for no reason—but there must be something more. Something terrible and disgusting about him.

I’m not giving up on this.

Amelie:

Are you a racist?

Ian:

I’m more of a love person than a hate person.

Amelie:

Aggressive tendencies?

Ian:

Are you trying to find out what’s wrong with me?

Amelie:

Is it aggressive tendencies?

I already know that’s not it. I bet he’s never thrown a punch in his life. Maybe he’s been arrested for public urination? Or his mom is a huge bitch? Because Frank’s almost too proper, and I love my future mother-in-law.

Ian:

I was caught cheating on a test in college, if it helps.

Amelie:

It doesn’t. I cut my own bangs in college. Everybody does stupid shit.

Ian:

PFP.

PFP.He’s sent me about a millionPFPs so far. I’ve sent a couple too. When he said he was eating at an underwater restaurant, and when he was at Mayfield’s Beckett Bridge.

After a deep dive into my social media, I find a cute picture of me with bangs. It’s veryLittle House on the Prairie, but the memory warms my chest.

Amelie:

There. Picture for proof.

Ian:

Still hot.

My lips pout as I think of Frank’s shocked expression when I showed up at his dorm with my home-cut bangs.I preferred youwithout.We had a big fight afterward, and I hate that I’m reminded of it now, because a very immature, very petty part of me wants to send him a screenshot of this conversation. Maybe text something like “Another man thinks I’m hot” with several exclamation points.

I wish that he’d flip out or warn me against other men or even just… check in. Be curious and ask if I’ve met this guy, kissed him, slept with him. A healthy amount of jealousy shows passion, doesn’t it? Why doesn’t he care?

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