Page 125 of Riding the Sugar High

She’s okay, but I’m not sure she’sokay.

I fill a glass of water and walk it back to the bedroom, my body tense in a weird way after the conversation with Logan. No matter how much I try to convince myself that it isn’t a big deal and that we’ll talk things through, there’s a heavy sense of worry hanging in the air around me.

“Hey,” I say as I gently shake her shoulder. When that doesn’t work, I try again with a firmer grip. “Hey, Josie?”

She blinks at me, her eyes glossy and tired. Pulling herself to a seated position, she looks around and mumbles, “I don’t want to go home.”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to.” I help prop her against the pillow, then give her the glass. “Drink this, it’ll help.”

She slowly brings it to her lips. “Is Logan angry at me?”

“Of course not.” I don’t think so, at least. “He and Aaron are just worried about you. Why did you leave the house like that?”

She looks into my eyes, chin wobbling, and she shakes her head when a tear falls down her cheek. “Because some days, I hate it.”

With a sigh, I sit on the edge of the bed. I knew something was off between her and Aaron, and after the scene at Logan’s parents’ house, this doesn’t come as shocking news.

“Do you know what it’s like to be with someone you don’t love?”

My eyes widen, and I shake my head, trying to contain my surprise. “No, I don’t.”

One of her fingers brushes the rim of the glass. “We’re both so unhappy, and the only reason we’re together is Sadie. Which means that on the awful days, I regret having her.” She brushes the sleeve of her cardigan over her cheek, a small sob making her shake as she tucks a frizzy lock of hair behind her ear. “And then I feel like a horrible mother, because she’s the best...the best...”

“Shh.” I cup her knee, trying to soothe her. “Josie, you’re not a horrible mother. It’s normal to wonder what-if, and if things with you and Aaron have been rocky, then...then I guess it makes even more sense.”

“I messed up so bad,” she says, voice quivering as if her pain is bleeding through her words. “All of this is my fault, and I can’t do anything to fix it.”

I exhale, my heart squeezing for her. I know so little about relationships, and I’m not the right person to give marriage advice, but Idoknow that a child isn’t enough to keep a couple together. “My parents are divorced,” I say as I fold my legs behind me. And I remember how it was before they broke up—the fighting, the tension. My mom always says it was the best decision she and my dad could have ever made.”

Josie looks up at me, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“They’re on friendly terms too. We don’t spend many holidays together because they live on opposite sides of the country, but when they meet at big family events, they chat like old friends.” I shrug. “Of course, it’s not ideal. A child always wants their parents together. But what they want more than that is two happy, healthy parents who can care for them.”

Deep in thought, she bites her bottom lip and looks slightly calmer.

“If you don’t want to go back home, you can stay here.” Look at me, offering people a place to sleep in a house that isn’t mine. “I’m sure Logan wouldn’t mind.”

With a slow nod, she whispers, “Do you think he’ll turn me down?”

My mouth opens, then closes. Turn her down? As in...“You—you plan to...what do you want to tell Logan exactly?”

“That I love him.” Tears well up in her eyes as she turns to face me, her words echoing through the room like a thunderclap and shattering the fragile peace of the night.

She’s...in love with Logan. Josie. But she’s married to hisbrother.

Suddenly, everything makes sense. From how she reacted that first night when she found Logan and me in the backyard to her sour comment about us as a couple when we went for dinner at her place. The scene she made at the barbecue when Logan and I were taking pictures, and even every single time she’s told me how much she likes me.

She feels guilty because she’s in love with my boyfriend.

Myfakeboyfriend.

“Do you hate me?”

I watch her blotchy, tear-streaked face and shake my head. Though my heart is pounding, I can’t be mad at her when she’s hurting this much. When her secret and her feelings are turning her into a drunk. What I am, honestly, is scared. Does Logan know? Is that the secret he’s kept from me?

What if he doesn’t know? Maybe this will change everything for him. Maybe he’ll ask me to leave.

“How about you get some sleep, huh?” I say as I pat the pillow.

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