Page 135 of Riding the Sugar High

“Yes, quite.” I think I’m done with the police for a while. I stand and look around, locating my clothes on the armchair. “I’ll be right there.”

I hang up, and on the way, I stop in front of the mirror, but there’s little I can do with my hands alone to cover up the fact that I spent most of today crying.

I untie my hair, then ruffle it, and exasperated by the lack of results, I grab my key and walk down the flight of stairs.

When I enter the hall, the concierge points to the right. My eyes follow, and Logan is there, sitting with his back hunched and his elbows on his knees. He’s staring at the floor, but as I step forward, his chin lifts from his hands and he stands, visibly nervous.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” I say when I reach him. Though I’m still very much angry, I also feel too tired for it, and pain has taken over sometime during the night anyway. “Logan, you can’t stay here.”

“I just wanted to see you.”

“You can’tmake mesee you. Make me speak.” I shrug lightly. “Loitering in a hotel lobby for a woman who doesn’t want to talk to you isn’t...okay.”

His eyes study my face, then he nods, as if it just occurred to him that this might be inappropriate. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I thought...” He shakes his head. “I don’t know what I thought. I’ll go.”

I nod, surprised that’s all it took, and the moment of silence stretches. His blue-gray eyes, filled with hurt and unsaid words, are hard to look at.

“Okay. Bye.”

“Did you spend the whole day here?” I ask as he steps away.

“Uh, yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry. It just made me feel better to be where you were. But I get it. It’s creepy, and I should respect your wishes.”

Yeah, all of thatistrue.

But he spent all day here, on this tiny plastic chair, not knowing if I’d even agree to see him. Not knowing if I’d listen to him, or talk. He tried. For me.

“Oh, you forgot this.” He holds out my flamingo scrunchie. He never did tell me why he took it. “You only have fifteen thousand. I figured you’d miss this one.”

I think of saying he can keep it, but he probably doesn’t want it anyway, and heart twisting, I accept it and hug it to my stomach. If this is the last time I see Logan, this will remind me of him.

“Okay. I’ll go now,” he says, but he doesn’t move. Instead, he rubs his jaw and presses his lips tightly for a moment. “Can I just say one thing?”

“Yes,” I blurt.

“I’m not in love with Josie,” he says, his voice steady. “Yesterday, when you asked, I hesitated, but it’s not because I’m not sure.” He pauses, and when I give him a nod, continues. “For the longest time, I was Logan, Josie’s boyfriend. And then I was Logan, dumped for his brother. Logan who isolated himself from his family because he couldn’t bear to be around her. Eventually, I found some balance in the everlasting unhappiness. But through it all, I was always Logan: in love with Josie. Unable to move on.”

My heart squeezes for him. With the shock I felt yesterday, I didn’t exactly stop to think about what happened between the three of them or how difficult it must be for him. Love or not, I don’t think you ever get over your brother marrying your ex.

“Then you showed up.”

My lips part, and his eyes soften when he notices.

“And since you came along, she never crossed my mind. Not in the way she used to. But I didn’t think much of it. I didn’t think about it at all—that’s the point. She was the cop after us, and my brother’s wife. But besides that,youconsumed me. My whole mind.” He sighs, chewing on his bottom lip. “For the first time in five years, yesterday I knew the answer to your question. I wasn’t in love with her. I’m not. And I didn’t know how to process it right then and there.”

Tears fill my eyes.

I want to believe him so badly, and despite having this eerie feeling I’m headed straight for heartbreak, I think I do. But it doesn’t mean I can play fast and loose with my heart.

I have no idea if Josie talked to him. What if she didn’t? What if she does one month from now, when I’m even more used to his presence? When he’s even more important?

What if he’s saying all of this because he doesn’t know she wants him back?

“Logan, I...I think you have a lot of things to work through. And so do I, after...” Derek took a hammer on my confidence and trust. “Anyway, we should probably work on that before we—we consider anything else.”

“Oh.” His shoulders hunch, and I can distinctly see the moment the meaning of my words hits him. “Oh-kay, yes. Sure, I get it.”

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