Page 4 of With a Cherry On Top

“It’s for a...” He tilts his head. “A subscription service.”

“To...” I look down at the card again. Cherry red, sleek, and somewhat cryptic. With how vague Ian is being, this can only be about one thing. “Erotic content?”

“Bingo.”

Jesus Christ.“What—Are you giving me a jerk-off gift?”

“Well, it’s not like I’m handing you lube or anything.”

“There’s plenty of free stuff I have access to,” I say as I hold the card out. “Give this to one of the younger people who actually have the energy to jerk off.”

“See, that’s just proof of how much you need it.” He shakes his head firmly. “Take the card. How about Sadie sleeps over tonight? Last time she did my nails, and you know I’m overdue for a mani.”

Half the time I talk to Ian, I actually can’t believe what I’m hearing. “You want to babysit so I can masturbate.”

“Uh-huh.” He bites his bottom lip to hide a chuckle. “I’d offer to babysit so you can take an actual woman out, but?—”

“I’m not ready for dating.”

“So take the card.”

I hesitate, then with a nod I tuck the card in my pocket, my face flushing. Though I have every intention of throwing it out, I could use a night by myself. The house is a disaster, and the meal prep schedule I came up with has gone to hell already. “Sure, okay. I’ll drop her off after dinner.”

“Great. See you later.”

He waves, the same cheeky smile on his face. As if it wasn’t weird enough that he gave me a gift card for an erotic subscription service, the thought of him knowing I’m jerking off as I do it has killed any possibility of it actually happening.

But he doesn’t need to know that, so I slip out of the restaurant and into my car.

Looks like I have a date with myself tonight.

“Did Mom call?”

Sadie has been buckled into her booster seat in the back of the car for three minutes, which is two more than she usually lasts before asking about Josie. Though I can’t blame her for it, a new part of me gets ripped out every day. “Yes, baby,” I lie. “She said she loves you and she misses you a lot.”

“Is she coming back?”

Another hit. Another morsel ripping away. “Of course she is, just not now. She needs some more time to feel better.”

Sadie looks out the car window. I can’t pinpoint how exactly, but she seems older. I see it in the sharpness of her eyes and the set of her jaw. And the fact that she stopped smiling six months ago, when her mom last committed herself to rehab.

“How was school today?”

“We learned about colors. Did you know that blue and yellow make green?”

“I did, yes. What do blue and red make?” Through the rearview mirror, her wide eyes stare at me. “Purple, your favorite color.”

Jaw dropping, she grabs her backpack and takes out her notepad and markers. I assume she has to see for herself, and I’m proven right when she strikes a blue patch of color with her red marker and holds it up for me to see. “Daddy, you’re right!”

I nod, grateful for her short attention span. “You can keep trying more combinations at home. Are you hungry? We’re having meatballs.”

“Yes.” She falls into silence again, and though I’ve had months to get used to this new version of Sadie, I still haven’t. Before Josie left, she spent more time talking than thinking. Shelooked forward to everything. Now with every little change I see, I can’t help but wonder...is it growth? Is it trauma? Should I push her or let her be?

“Are you and Mom getting divorced?”

My shoulders tense and when I check the rearview mirror, I find her studying me.

Fuck my life.

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