Page 98 of Every Hidden Truth

Ben

I watched Charlie driveSilas away, and with every foot of distance, my heart shriveled a little more. At this point, Aunt June was the only thing keeping me standing. When the SUV finally disappeared around the corner, the last of my strength left me. I slumped, and Aunt June tightened her arm around my waist.

“Come inside, Ben,” she said, rubbing my back, and I followed her diligently through the garage.

Uncle Henry was in the living room on the phone. Maybe it was the lawyer or one of his cop buddies down at the station. I wasn’t sure. Since I didn’t want to overhear, I tuned out his voice as I removed my shoes and set them on the shoe rack.

Once inside the kitchen, Aunt June faced me, cupping my cheeks. Her brown eyes, so much like my mother’s, gazed up at me. I felt ten-years-old again. My lip quivered, and her face fell. She drew me into her neck as I broke for the second time.

I clung to her, the sting of her muscle relaxant cream burning my nose. It was a harsh scent, but I had come to rely on it. Because Aunt June was always on my side, always fighting for me. It made me a horrible person, a terrible son, but she was the mother I should have had. I wept into her neck, seeking comfort only a mother could give.

“Oh, baby, you’re okay. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but things will get better.” She kissed my hair, massaging my back. “It’s always darkest before the dawn.”

I swore she memorized inspirational books. She always had those sayings, delivering them like they made everything better. They didn’t, but it was nice of her to try.

“I’m sorry, Aunt June. I didn’t know what to do.” I muffled my confession into her knit sweater. “Silas didn’t want to tell anyone, and I couldn’t betray him. I just wanted to help.”

“Shh, it’s not your fault.” She repeated the mantra several times, and I tried to believe it.

But somehow, it felt like my fault. The way Silas looked at me in that conference room. It was as if, for that brief moment in time, he had absolutely loathed me.

“He was scared, and I—I just wanted to help him.”

Aunt June and my therapist, Sarah, were, until today, the only people to see me cry. I hated tears; they made me feel weak. In my head, I understood it wasn’t so, but it was an impossible truth to accept. My dad had drilled it into me never to cry.

“Only pussies and faggots cry. So, which are you, Benji? A pussy or a fag?”

What a fucking asshole. I hated him almost as much as I hated Eric Boyt. Almost.

“Benjamin, look at me.” I obeyed my aunt, sniffing as I fought for control over my traitorous tear ducts. “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”

She meant the words, but I had still disappointed her. Silence was never the answer. Silence is what killed her sister.Mysilence is what killed my mother.

No, I couldn’t think like that. If I did, then my hands would shake and my lungs would close. And I’d suffocate.

To change the subject, I asked about the lawyer, even though I didn’t really want to know. “What did the lawyer say?”

Judging from her pinched expression, the news wasn’t good. “She said it would be a difficult case to take to trial. Without physical evidence of the assaults, it’s going to be hard to prove.”

Assaults. More than one. Because yet again, Silas had lied to me. He’d looked me right in the eye and lied to my face.

How was I supposed to help him or be there for him when he refused to be honest with me? Sure, I wasn’t the perfect model of transparency, but Jesus! I was trying here. I was doing my best, and he—

“Ben?”

I buried my anger down to join my misery and heartache as I focused back on my aunt. “Sorry, the lawyer said we don’t have proof?”

Rubbing my arm, she nodded. “Without physical proof, it’s only your word against his. She advised not to press charges for sexual assault.”

It was the nail in the coffin, and every drop of hope leached from my body. Pinning this on Boyt, making him pay, it was the only way to redeem myself. If Boyt got away with it, then Silas had shared his secret for no reason. It would all be for nothing. This couldn’t be happening.

“But we’re telling the truth.”

“The truth doesn’t change anything.”Silas’s words played through my mind, and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“We’re not lying, Aunt June, I swear. You have to believe us—”

She cupped my face again, wiping at my stupid tears. “Of course I believe you, Ben. But think of Silas. Think of what he would go through if we move forward with assault charges. All the other boy needs is a good alibi.” I growled, but Aunt June continued, “There are other things we can go after him for. He made a mistake with the photo. It’s evidence we can use against him. But we need to choose our battles.”

---