Page 50 of Take a Chance on Greece

‘Babe, I’m here. Tell me.’

The kindness in her voice was almost unbearable, and I wished desperately that I was in the car with her, the comforting smell of greasy fast food hanging between us, instead of sitting here alone in my austere staff bedroom, so far from everything familiar.

Although I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t say anything about Alexis and only tell her about Jim, I found myself pouring it all out, from the joy of us getting together, to the hurt of his confession, and the sense of betrayal and heart-breaking loss which remained.

‘And now Jim’s turned up too,’ I finished, with a sob.

‘Stuff doesn’t happen by halves to you, does it? Oh, Lyds, I wish I could give you a hug. I’m on back-to-back nights and we’re already down on staff, otherwise I’d be hopping on that plane to get out to you right now. Do you want me to send Kat over? She’s got a gig next week, but I think she’s resting until then, or working on material, whatever it is creative types claim they’re doing when they’re not in front of a crowd.’

‘It’s OK, just speaking to you is making me feel a bit better.’

Much as I missed my friends, this was my mess to sort out. I lay back on my bed and stared up at the shadows on the ceiling. From this angle they looked like people looming over me, the shades of those who’d hurt me bearing down with malicious intent. I turned onto my side and fixed my gaze on the blank wall instead, my phone tucked between the pillow and my ear.

‘Why do you think Jim’s here?’ I asked. I couldn’t stop thinking about the look on his face when he’d stepped towards me. Had it been one of lonely longing, or was it something more sinister?

‘Well, if he’s trying to present it as some big romantic gesture, then we both know that’s nonsense, right?’ said Amira, her voice full of kindness. ‘It sounds like another classic power play to me, straight out of the coercive control textbook.’

‘I hate that he can still provoke a reaction in me,’ I admitted shakily.

‘It’s not a sign of weakness in you, I promise, Lyds. He’s manipulative and he knows exactly which buttons to press. But you are better than him. Surely he must realise that he’s going to get nowhere with this dramatic gesture. Tell me you’re somewhere safe at the moment?’

‘I’m doing a classic Lydia and hiding in my room, hoping my problems will go away. I could really do without all this. I want Jim to leave, but I’m scared he’ll hang around getting in the way and making things worse. I’m feeling a little fragile right now.’

‘Understandably so,’ said Amira. ‘But you’re not going to let that influence your behaviour, are you, babe?’

I closed my eyes and once again replayed the scene on the hotel veranda with Alexis’s revelation and Jim’s sudden appearance. What would I have done if Jim hadn’t shown up? Would I have given Alexis the chance to explain, or would it all have been over between us before it had even really started?

‘I think I need to talk to him.’

‘Alexis, or Jim?’

‘Well, both really. But perhaps Jim first. Get it over with.’

‘You won’t…’ Amira hesitated.

‘Won’t what?’

‘You won’t let him persuade you to come back to Yorkshire? I know you’re stronger than that, but I also know how convincing he can be when he puts his mind to it. Don’t get me wrong, we’d love to see you, but you being in Greece seems so right somehow. This conversation aside, you’ve been happier and more alive in the last few weeks than you have been in years.’

I sighed. ‘You make it sound so simple. But how realistic is it to stay here, and what would I achieve by doing so? I have no proper home, my language skills are minimal…’

My voice trailed off. Perhaps I was catastrophising, or perhaps I was finally coming to my senses. Could I really bear staying here with things as they were with Alexis?

‘But nothing has really changed,’ insisted Amira. ‘These things were issues before you returned to Kefalonia, but you still went ahead and did it anyway, because you’re a brave person. Because you believe in yourself. I can’t tell you how proud I am of you.’

While I was touched by my friend’s kindness, it felt like she was describing somebody else. What if what she saw as bravery and confidence was really just a wild overreaction to an emotional situation? I thought I knew what I was doing, but everything that had happened since I got to Kefalonia could be taken as evidence that my judgement was way off. The situation with Alexis could even be interpreted as the ultimate proof of that.

I wrapped my arms around me, my hand on top of the fateful tattoo. Now it had healed, I could no longer feel the difference in my skin, but I still knew exactly where it was. I had met an Andreas after all that night. But since then, I’d fallen hard for an Alexis instead, and look where that had got me. I’d run away from England to avoid a messy situation, and here I was in an even messier one.

‘Are you still there, Lyds?’

‘Yep.’

‘What are you going to do?’

I sighed. ‘That is a very difficult question. And I’m not sure I know what the answer is yet.’

Chapter Twenty-Six

---