Page 54 of The Typo

I hit the discard button and started another email of a rather different tone.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Date: 26 Feb, 01:28

Subject: 1pm 1st March

Hi Cameron,

It’s only a matter of days until you want us to meet at Edinburgh Castle. Will you actually be there? I’m saying it like I want you to be, but if I’m being completely honest, I don’t know what I want anymore. Perhaps you’re already en route. If you really have been in Antarctica, that is. I don’t know what to think anymore. I looked up the journey from Ushuaia to Edinburgh and it looks torturous. All those lay overs and then worse, all those hours in the air. I thought my friend Cass had a rough journey ahead of her flying to Sydney with one stop on the way, but I think you win. I’m not really treating it as a competition. I’m just filling the page, pretending I’m talking to you like normal as I try to work out how I feel. When you sent that brief reply to my confession, it didn’t sound like you, and that threw me even more. It’s funny, even before we had that one and only phone call, I could ‘hear’ your voice, recognise the cadence of your emails and sense your tone. I thought I would recognise an email was from you even if it had no signature and wasn’t from your address. I’ve made a lot of assumptions, and now I don’t know if I can trust my judgement at all.

If you are heading to Edinburgh Castle, enjoy it. I don’t think I’ll be there. I promised you honesty, but more importantly, I’ve promised it to myself. Even the thought of the meeting is making me anxious. Right now I have to prioritise looking after myself. It’s better if I don’t risk further hurt.

Good night.

Amy

The second message also went straight into the bin, then I signed out of my emails before I made the mistake of actually replying to Cameron. I hated that I was lying in bed over analysing things in the middle of the night. Accepting that there was zero chance of me getting to sleep any time soon, I decided to do something positive to distract myself. I’d already given Cass the jokey Scottish souvenirs, but it would be nice to create a more meaningful bon voyage gift as well.

I pulled on an extra hoody to counter the late night/early morning chill, then set to work compiling an online photo book for her and the family so they had something to remember their old life in Edinburgh with. We’d had some good times together. I knew we would have more in the future, and that the big move was the right decision for her, but I was still going to miss my oldest friend.

I sent the link for the virtual photo book to Cass’s email address, then on impulse started compiling another one, this time featuring the highs and lows of my musical career. As I spooled through the images taken over the years, I thought I could detect the growing shadows in my expression as the anxiety started to take over. If only I’d spoken about what was going through my mind at the time, rather than keeping my fears to myself, how different my life could have been. Once again, I reminded myself to stop focusing on my regrets. But it was a relief to come towards the end of the album and add the photo which Leonie had captured of me busking, and then the series of stills of me ‘conducting’ my fellow musicians with my bow, my face full of laughter, during the opening night of the Cellar Bar. Whatever challenges the next few days brought, I needed to try to remember that sense of joyous freedom.

ChapterTwenty-Eight

When my alarm went off at 3.40am on the first of March, I was already awake, although I wanted nothing more than to hide my head under the duvet and pretend that I wasn’t. I gave myself a stern lecture. Today was all about saying goodbye to Cass and her family. I’d made my decision about the Cameron situation, and it wasn’t worth a second more of my attention.

The taxi driver who took me to the airport was ridiculously cheerful considering how early it was in the morning, but I was grateful for his kind response when he detected the wobble in my voice as I explained why I was making the trip.

‘They’ll be back. Why would anyone want to stay away from Edinburgh for long?’ he said.

‘This rain isn’t helping,’ I said. ‘I thought it was meant to be the start of spring today.’

‘It’ll heat up when the sun rises,’ he said confidently.

I went into the terminal to keep dry while I waited for Cass and the family, and wandered over to check the big screens which listed all the arrivals and departures. Despite my best intentions, I found myself wondering if Cameron was due to be on any of these flights. There was no direct route between Ushuaia and Edinburgh, so he could be flying in from almost any of the major transfer hubs, and at any time. If he was still flying to Edinburgh, of course. Not that I cared any more. But for all I knew, he could have literally just walked past me and I would have had no way of knowing. It was foolish to imagine that some sixth sense would alert me to his presence. For a moment, I considered torturing myself by approaching the information desk, which was staffed by one very sleepy-looking man, to see if he knew of any connecting flights from South America, before I pulled myself together. I wasn’t going to meet Cameron later today, and so it didn’t matter whether he’d arrived in the city or not. I returned to my post near the sliding doors and continued my watch for Cass.

Eventually, a people carrier pulled up in one of the drop-off spaces, and Cass tumbled out, followed at a slower pace by Gareth, who turned to carefully unload a still-sleeping Millie, while his and Cass’s respective parents started dealing with the luggage.

Cass rushed over to me. ‘You’re here,’ she said.

‘Of course. I promised I would be. Although I was starting to worry that you guys might not be coming after all.’

‘It nearly came to that after a couple of emergency outfit changes. And that was just me and Gareth, never mind the bairn herself. As suspected, this whole thing is turning into one big faffy nightmare, and I have a feeling it’s only going to get worse.’

Despite her pessimistic predictions, there was a huge smile on her face and I could tell that underneath it all, she was genuinely thrilled to be setting off on this adventure.

‘You’ve got this. You’re going to be fine.’

‘Thanks, lovely. And how about you? Are you going to be fine?’

‘Obviously I’m going to pine terribly for you, but those Zoom calls you’ve promised will help me deal with my new Cass-less existence. Anyway, you won’t be able to get rid of me that easily, I’ll bring the Drowsy Maggies on tour down under, you wait and see,’ I joked.

‘I have no doubt you will,’ said Cass, taking me at my word. ‘I know you of old. You can do anything you put your mind to.’

‘People keep on saying that to me.’

---