Page 18 of Spurred On

“Sure, blame it on that. What’s your giant, very vague, life dilemma about?”

Worrying my lip, I wonder how I should word this because Erin is going to take it and run all the way to Antarctica with it. But being alone with these thoughts is even worse. So I just have to spit it out. “I think I’m attracted to Mav.”

She snorts on the other end of the phone. “Oh no, you’re attracted to your super hot cowboy husband. How devastating.” Her sarcastic tone makes me think she isn’t taking this as seriously as she should. I’m having a life crisis here.

Stopping in my tracks, I snap out, “First of all, it is devastating. How am I supposed to share a house with him for months when he comes out of the shower dripping wet and looking like…” I wave my hands around, trying to find the right words, but there are none to describe him because holy shit, it’s like he isn’t even from this earth. Like it’s clear God has favorites because he had to put in an extra sprinkle when making him. “I don’t know. Hot.”

She sighs as if this whole thing is crazy. Which it is. Insane. Clinically insane. “You could always bang him. That might help, you know, take the edge off.”

My eyes roll at her suggestion. “Yeah, sleeping with him worked out so well for me the first time.”

“Hey, you’re the one who called me, asking for advice. It’s not my fault you don’t like any of it.” She isn’t wrong. I knew this was what her advice would be, and the more I have to look at him half-naked, the more alluring it’s becoming.

“Do you have a plan B suggestion?” I ask, hoping she could come up with some way for me to magically no longer feel this pull to him.

“Unfortunately, no. Because there’s only one thing I would be doing if I were in your shoes, and it’s that super hot husband of yours.” Sometimes I wish I were as carefree as she was, because maybe then I could scratch this itch that has been building every time I see Maverick with his shirt off. But my brain is wired logic first, desires second.

“You are useless.” Sighing, I let myself fall back onto my makeshift bed on the futon, which hasn’t gotten any more comfortable. The second I start working and have some extra cash, I need to see a chiropractor because my back feels like I am closer to eighty than twenty-eight.

“I’m sorry, I will think of a plan B suitable to your liking. Are you at least enjoying it up there?”

“It’s pretty, but he’s gone a lot and I’m so bored. I’m going to have read through my entire to-be-read list by the end of this.” The area is beautiful, though. I can’t wait to see what happens when spring, well, less snowy spring rolls around. I am guessing up here, it doesn’t bloom until summer.

“Well, that is a plus. Honestly, babe, you probably needed to slow down. Use this time to catch your breath and relax. Enjoy the mountain air and try not to plan out every second of your life for once. Justgo with it. In six months, you can go back to being your neurotic but loveable self.”

That’s the thing with Erin, she’s always blunt. Would calling someone neurotic be considered rude anywhere else? Yes. But she’s my best friend and I know she says it out of love. And because I am a bit on the Type A side. She probably is right.

“Okay, I’ll try.”

“Good, now explain exactly how you realized you were attracted to your husband?”

A dry, unamused chuckle comes out because I knew right away. Even when I was fighting mad at him, I was half mad at myself for not being able to be an adult and think logically. But it’s been a burning little ember flickering every now and then, now it’s a full-on blazing fire I cannot figure out how to put out. Even worse, I can’t decide if I really want to put it out. “How much time do you have?”

“For you? All the time in the world. Partly because I love you, partly because I am very nosy.” There’s her honesty, again.

“Okay, well, one, he’s not ugly. Let's start with that. But the other day he came out of the shower, and the steam was clouding over him like a fucking cologne commercial. I couldn’t peel my eyes off his abs if my life depended on it.” The image flashes through my mind again and I can feel my body reacting. Heat slinks through me in a sudden rush, and my heartbeat turns from a steady beat to a quick rhythmic thump.

She gasps. “You lucky bitch. Go on.”

I tuck my knees under my legs, getting more passionate as I divulge more. “Well, then he was kind of hurt, and you know me, I had to help. I held hot compresses on his back and we sat and talked. Like really talked and ugh.” It would be so much easier if he were a vapidathlete or a nepo baby. But no, he has to have a work ethic. And is kind. And wants to help literally everyone around him. It’s honestly the worst.

She clicks her tongue before responding. “Let me guess, it isn’t just the body you are attracted to?” Her laugh almost sounds diabolical.

“He’s a good person behind his go-lucky exterior. I totally had him pegged as a guy who has had everything handed to him... But he works so hard. He rode all weekend, got no sleep, and then went and worked a full day on the ranch until sunset. Who does that?”

“Oh, honey, you are in way over your head.”

“I know!” I practically shout as I flop a pillow over my head. “It would be easy if he was all brawn and no brains, but he has to go and be a good person. We have more in common than anyone would have guessed.”

“So what I am hearing is you’re fifty shades of fucked?”

I’m leaving in six months, so getting involved would be a terrible idea for a slew of reasons. “No, I am a strong woman. I will be fine; it will just be a long, really difficult few months.”

“I give you a month before you crack like an egg.” For being my best friend, she has such little faith.

“Nope, it’s not happening. It can't happen and we both know that.”

“Whatever you say.” Her tone of voice tells me she doesn’t believe me, and the more I sit here and think about it, the more I don’t believe myself either. But I am a damn good liar, especially to myself. So I am going to stick to my guns.

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