Page 25 of Spurred On

“I’ve got a few, Granny,” I joke as she pulls her hand out of mine and smacks my chest, a deep chuckle slipping out of me.

“Hey, I am out and it’s past eleven, that means that nickname is officially out the window.” The deep set in her brow makes this even better. Reaching out, I rub my thumb over it to smooth the crease.

“Okay,” I clear my throat, “beautiful fits too.” Her cheeks instantly flush as she tucks her head a little bit, trying to hide from me. “Let’s stick with sweetheart.” Because it fits her. A lot about her is sweet, especially that heart of hers.

“Okay.” Her voice lacks its usual bravado, a softer side coming out. Something about that makes me feel a little proud. A girl who is hard for the world but soft for me makes me feel like I’m doing something right.

“Okay,” I repeat back to her. She swings in my arms, and I let her hold on to her silence until the beat turns up, and I step back and twirl her in a circle.

The sudden change has Ava’s laughter echoing around my head down to my chest, warming a piece of it I forgot existed. She twirls around, and I realize my world is going to end up spinning around her because I’m starting to fall for my wife.

Chapter 16

Ava

My boots crunch in the snow, and no matter how far I walk, the building panic doesn’t ease. “Shit, shit, shit.”

The bitter wind bites at my face, making my eyes water. This is good. I can blame the tears on the wind and not actually admit that my life is spiraling and I can’t fix it. All this work, all this time, and I amstillstruggling. I stop walking to catch my breath and try to pull myself together. If I was sure I could break down by myself, I would. But the ranch hands take this road, and so do Jack and Mabel. I can’t let them see me break.

My start date at the hospital was pushed back. It seems my recruiter forgot to turn in my background check paperwork, and now I’m delayed until that gets done. They aren’t really sure when it will be done; it could be a week, or it could be a month. Fuck.

My bank account is dwindling by the second, and I have bills to pay: loans I took out for school, loans for my car, and credit cards that I would really like to start paying more than the minimum for. What the hell am I going to do? I guess I could look for a part-time job in town, but I really don’t want any other commitments because I need this job at the hospital. I need to make a difference. And for once, I need to be more than just surviving. I’d like to know what it feels like to lay my head down and not do math on how I’m going to have everything paid for. To lay my head down and know it’s taken care of.

Panic rises again, my gloved hands finding my knees as I hunch over and try to catch my breath.

The sound of tires plowing through the fresh snow makes me stand up straight. I blink up toward the cloud-covered sun, rapidly fluttering my lashes to bat the tears away.

“Ava, what are you doing out here?” Maverick yells out as he leans across his center console, taking in my full-blown panic attack glory. “Shit, Ava. Are you crying?” The sound of his truck door slamming shut echoes over the top of the snow.

It was that obvious, huh? Maybe I should have risked being suffocated in a snow drift.

Maverick’s steps turn into a run and I turn my head as he gets close. “Ava, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. I am fine. You can get back to work.” The crack in my voice gives too much away.

“I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what is wrong.” His fingers find my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “What can I do?” Concern is etched across his features. His eyes dart around my face, looking for an answer I don’t want to give. Telling my super rich, oopsie husband I am flat broke is not a conversation I want to have. Telling him more than I already have divulged is terrifying. If no one else knows, I can pretend all these pieces of me don’t exist. The scared, the struggling and the lonely. I have great friends, but I don’t have a family. They all have places to go on the holidays and I just follow them, with nowhere to land that is really my own.

“Really, Mav, I am fine. I just need a minute.” I try my best to put on my brave face, hoping he’ll drop it.

“You’re not fine. Please, tell me. Even if I can’t help, talk to me.” The desperation in his voice to make this better makes my resolve melt.

“My start date got pushed back.” I turn my head out of his grasp and look out to the pine trees. They really are beautiful when they’re covered in powder.

“Okay, and can you tell me why that’s making you risk hypothermia?” He’s trying to understand but obviously is waiting for more explanation. One that is mortifying for me.

“Because I’m out of fucking money, Mav. I know that is a hard thing foryouto understand, but my cushion is gone. I have no job, and I’m stuck out here in butt fuck Wyoming.” I throw my hands up, anger boiling up and out of me. Not at him, but at life, for never giving me a damn break.

His eyebrows shoot up in amusement; of course he would think this is funny. I don’t know if he’s ever had to struggle with money, counting every penny until you finally get paid again. “Butt fuck, Wyoming, huh?”

“Okay, I’m done with this conversation.” The warm feeling I previously felt toward him is now as frozen as my toes. Screw this, I will just figure it out myself.

“Wait, I’m sorry. Let me help.” I try to pull my wrist out of his grasp, but he is holding on to it like his life depends on it.

My tone turns to steel. I may need help, but I’ll never take a handout from a man. Or from anyone, for that matter. “I’ve told you before, I don’t want your money.”

“It won’t be mine. We can get you a job at the ranch. There are never enough hands for everything that needs done. You can do all the smaller projects the boys and I don’t have time for.”

I debate on telling him no. “This isn’t a handout. I want to earn it. I don’t care if it’s hard.”

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