Page 45 of Spurred On

The room empties as the team gets ready to load the patient onto the chopper. Time passes, but I feel frozen, stuck in a memory I’ve never been able to forget.

Aspen rips off her disposable gown and looks over to me. “You did great!”

“All I did was grab the ultrasound machine.” My weight shifts from foot to foot as guilt fills me because I did not do great. I locked up and froze.

“This was your first trauma. It’ll be hard to know what to do until you get your feet wet.” She taps my arm, completely oblivious to the war going on in my head. She has no clue this wasn’t my first trauma bay. But it was my first time being on the other side, and now that I’ve been there, I’m not sure if I can do this.

I sit in my car for a few minutes. My head feels too loud and too quiet all at once. It feels like static. My glossy eyes stare at the front door, needing to move but not seeming to be able to. My body feels useless and heavy.

I take a deep breath, steeling myself. It’s days like today I wish I had my own room so I could fall apart with no one to see.

Pulling open the front door, I hope Mav will be out with the boys or something so I can take a shower and sleep off this day. When I swing the door open, I realize I have no such luck because he locks eyes with me the second I step through the door frame. One look at me, and he knows. I don’t know how he does it, but he sees right through me.

“Ava, baby, what’s wrong?” Those words are my demise because the second I hear them, I break into a million tiny shards. Reliving all of the pain I’ve pushed down for years. A sob racks through me, and in seconds, I’m wrapped up in Mav, his scent covering my body like a soothing balm and moving to his bed.

“Shhh, it’s okay. Tell me how I can help?” But there is no help because he can’t bring them back.

“I had to do it again today, relive that day.” It takes no more words for him to figure it out. He knows exactly what day because he’s had hisown day like that. A day you never want to live through again. “There was an accident, and all I could see was my parents. It was like being there again on that day; all I could see were their last moments. And I was supposed to help this time, but I couldn’t.” My voice shakes from the tears clogging my throat.

His voice comes out in a gentle timber. “That’s okay. The first time will be the worst, it’ll get better.”

“What if I can’t do it? What if I make a mistake?” My voice wobbles as another sob creeps up.

He pulls away and puts my head between his warm palms. He stares at me the way he does when I swear he can see a bit of my soul. “Do you want to help people?”

Without any hesitation, I nod my head. “Yes. Of course.”

“Then you didn’t make a mistake. Give yourself time. Grieve and mourn as many times as you need. Eventually, you’ll be able to tell the difference between that day and what’s in front of you.”

My head shakes with denial as more tears stream down my face.

“It’s okay, baby. Cry. I’m right here.” My hands grip his arm like it’s my anchor, keeping me here. My body shakes with silent sobs as he rocks us back and forth until my eyes close and my body finally gets tired enough to shut down the thoughts.

When I wake up, I’m wrapped up in Maverick, and for the first time ever, I don’t feel alone. I had to lose my parents by myself. Watch it all, make all the decisions, and come home to an empty house. This time, when I had to relive that terrible day, I had someone waiting for me. Ready to pick up the pieces and hold me until they were put back together. And that makes me more terrified than I can even comprehend.

Chapter 26

Maverick

Sunday dinners at Jack and Mabel’s house have become a routine. I was gone last Sunday, but Ava came down by herself and hung out with Aspen and the rest of the family. She fits in so perfectly here. She’s the puzzle piece I didn’t know was missing but just snapped into place. Now I can see the big picture, and it’s the best damn thing I’ve ever seen.

Buttoning the top of my jeans, I look over as Ava comes out of the bathroom, putting an earring in. God, she’s so fucking beautiful it hurts. Her blue jeans perfectly conform to her curves, sitting low and leaving a sliver of skin showing. My gaze feels heated, and when her eyes meet mine, it’s as if she can read my thoughts.

“Don’t even think about it, cowboy. I am starving.”

Not bothering putting on a shirt, I stalk over to her. I’m unable to take my eyes off her, and my hands are itching to get a touch. “Hey, I’m starving too.” Burying my face into the crook of her neck, I get a whiff of her perfume and feel my cock instantly harden behind my zipper. I can’t get enough of her. I feel like a desperate teenager, greedily taking anything she gives me.

My hands slide under the back of her tight T-shirt, and I feel the warmth of her skin against my rough palms. Her arms wrap around my neck, and I mentally calculate how long I can spend with her.

“Mav, we’re supposed to go to dinner.”

“I know, baby, but I can be quick. I just want a little taste.”

She pats my chest twice and slowly backs away. “I just finished my hair. You can mess it up when we get home. Maybe that’ll be the motivation you need to not eat yourself into a food coma.”

“You’re killing me, sweetheart.” My voice comes out as more of a whine.

“I can promise you, no man has ever died from blue balls. Now let's go eat. The sooner that’s done, the sooner you can have dessert.” She winks at me, and I slide my shirt and hoodie on in record time.

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