Page 58 of Spurred On

“Let her through, boys,” the rider from the night that Mav declared to the whole arena that I was his wife says. I can’t remember his name, but I can hardly form a coherent thought right now.

“Thank you,” he says to the guards as they step aside. “There’s the medical setup.” He points to the right side of the tent, and I dash off.

There’s no hesitation when I pull back the tent’s curtain. The first thing I see is Maverick getting his elbow popped back into place. His face is in a deep grimace, covered in dirt. He grits his teeth as the popsounds echo through the tent. I squeeze my eyes shut. The hammering in my heart doesn’t slow. I can see him, but the fear isn’t gone.

The medical team hovers around him, giving him a look over. His lip has a pretty nasty cut, and his arm is already black and blue. The fact that he can move it at all is a freaking miracle. My heart crumples at the pain I see him in. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much because it is entirely preventable.

Trembling, I stay quiet in the corner, watching the medics work on Mav, so quiet that he doesn’t even notice I’m here. Watching every rinse, every blood-stained rag be trashed, every wince at even the smallest movement. I’ve lived through a lot of pain in my life, but never have I watched someone I love choose self-inflicted pain.

When the medics start to clear out, I take a step away from the wall. Mav sits up, grunting in pain. He blinks a few times before looking around, and his bruised-up face finally turns to me. “Ava, baby. What are you doing in here?”

“Are you okay?” My voice breaks as I make my way closer to him.

“You know what they say, if you’re gonna be dumb, you better be tough.” I think he expects me to laugh, but none of this is funny to me. Tears brim in my eyes and I can feel my breathing kicking up again. The panic feels so heavy, I can’t lift it off. “Ava, I’m okay.” He furrows his brows and reaches out and grabs my hand.

A warm tear drips down my face as my shaking hand squeezes his uninjured one. “You’re right. You are okay this time. But what about next time?” I plead. Because you can only avoid death so many times when you’re dancing with the devil like he is.

“Chances are next time will be even better.” He shrugs; his nonchalance causes my worry to morph into anger. How does he not see it? “This isn’t the first time I’ve been hurt, sweetheart. I’ll bounce back and be fine.”

I shake my head, not understanding any of this. “You have had an incredible career. Why not walk away while you can still walk at all?” My watery eyes stay glued onto him, my voice sounding hoarse from the onslaught of emotion running through my body.

“Because I still have a lot more to prove.” My hand lets go of his and runs through my hair. I find myself completely exasperated with the man sitting in front of me.

“This again?” I shake my head as I drop my hands to my side. “Mav, everyone already thinks of you as a legend. What more could you possibly need?”

“The world title. It’s the one thing my dad never had.”

“And what happens when you get that? What is so important about a stupid title?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” He looks away like he is angry with me, and I find myself even more hurt than I was when I walked in here. How dare he be mad at me for giving a shit about him?

“You’re right. I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you’re willing to kill yourself to prove people who have no business having an opinion wrong.” My hands ball into tight little fists, so tight that I can feel my fingernails cutting into the skin of my palm.

“It isn’t just about me. People count on me, Ava.” He gestures his hands out to beyond the tent, to his team.

“For a paycheck, Mav, that’s all. You’re their cash cow. Of course they want you to keep going.” Everything boils up in me to the point where I feel like I’m going to burst. There is too much worry, hurt, and anger in my body, and I don’t know what to do with it.

“You don’t know what you are saying.”

My words come out in a yell, a desperate plea for him to hear me and actually understand the meaning of my words. “No, you don’t know, you don’t know what it’s like to watch everyone you love die right in front of you. I can’t do that again. I can’t watch you kill yourself.” I throw my hands up in front of me, feeling more defeated than I have in my entire life.

He cocks his head back, trying to process my words. “What are you saying?”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, trying to ground myself. “I’m saying, it’s us or the rodeo. It can’t be both. I can’t do this, Maverick. I can’t lose someone else I love.”

“You’re not going to lose me.” His voice trembles as he brings his hands to his chest.

I shake my head, realizing he isn’t going to see it my way. Not now, not ever. “I bet your dad told you the same thing. How did that work out? You can’t make me promises you can’t keep.”

My words cut him, and his whole body shifts back like they weren’t just words but were an actual hit. “That’s a low blow.”

I shrug. “You’re mad because it’s true. I can’t watch this anymore, Maverick. I can’t sit on the sidelines, praying to God you get to come home to me every single time you go to ride. Please, Mav. Please don’t make me.”

“I’m not done yet, Ava.” His voice sounds final.

I nod my head, looking around the room, my heart broken into a million little slivers. A tear escapes the side of my eye because I know what’s going to happen.

He isn’t going to choose me.

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