Page 64 of Spurred On

Beep… Beep… Beep.

God, that’s fucking annoying. Where am I? My head feels cloudy and dingy like I did a week-long bender in Vegas, but even that was less painful. My head is screaming at me. And my eyes won’t fucking open. Damn, did I die on the back of that bull and this beeping sound is my hell?

Slowly, the world starts to come to, and as my eyes finally open, I take in my surroundings. Well as much as I can considering I can’t fucking move with this damn neck brace on. The bright fluorescent lights overhead do my headache no favors. I wiggle my toes to make sure they still move. They do, thank fuck. Next, I check my fingers, they also work. I let out a breath. I’ve been hurt a lot of times, but I can’t say I’ve ever woken up in a hospital bed.

Now that I'm up, I know exactly what I need to do next. Absolutely no doubts. My eyes scan the room and catch on a curled-up Ava. In the world’s smallest recliner in the corner.

She came.

God, I hope that still means I have a chance to fix this. I have to. This couldn't have all been for fucking nothing. I feel around the bedside table the best I can with this contraption on my neck, hopefully it’s only a precaution. I find a small pen and do the most gentlemanly thing I can do: I chuck it at her.

“What the hell?” She sits up, looking around, her blonde hair a tangled mess on top of her head, pulled into a pony. When she realizes it was me who hit her, she sits straight up, eyes rapidly clearing.

“You sleep like the dead, sweetheart.” A bit of anger finds her face, along with relief.

She moves out of the chair and stands next to me, looking at the monitors to my left. “You would know, since you just decided to dance with death itself. How do you feel?” Her eyes look at me, and I feel instant relief at her closeness.

“Oh, like I just got curb-stomped by a bull.”

“That’s putting it lightly.” She crosses her arms, clearly still guarded. “You had an emergency laparotomy to control your internal bleeding that took six hours. They pulled your sedation yesterday, you’ve been out for four days.” That explains the awful pain I'm having in my stomach. “I’ll go get the doctor and your nurse so they can talk to you.” She moves to turn around, but I can’t let her leave this room until I get out all of what I have to say.Needto say.

“Ava, wait, I need to talk to you.” Desperation drips in my voice. Fuck, I wish I could get out of this bed.

I see her walls trembling around her the second she stops her steps. “About what?” Her tone doesn’t have the bite I would expect. It’s what I deserve. I’ve put her through hell.

There’s no hesitation in my words because even I fully believe them now, I knew it then too, but was in such deep denial and so damn stubborn I couldn’t face it. “You. Me. How you were right.”

“Right about what?” She’s testing me; I can see it all over her face. She’s great at hiding her feelings from everywhere but on her face. That furrowed little brow tells me everything I need to know.

“Can you come sit? Please?” If she doesn’t think I’ll get up and chase her out the door, she’s dead wrong. I can’t let her walk away without telling her, even if it kills me.

“Okay.” She nods and takes a few steps back to the bed.

The end of the bed dips under her weight, and I find myself grateful that I’m at least propped up so I can see her and try to read her. “That rodeo was my last ride. And it wasn’t because of the accident. I was planning on announcing my retirement after my ride, but, well…” scratching at my facial hair that must’ve grown in while I’ve been out of it with my only good hand, I add, “I guess I tempted fate a few too many times.”

She stares blankly at me, and I realize I’m going to have to work hard to earn her trust back. If I could kick myself right now, I would.

“I’m so sorry, Ava. There was a lot of shit I hadn’t dealt with and didn’t know it was still bothering me until it hit me in the face. Actually, Weston helped me pull my head out of my ass. There’s a lot of things I should have said differently, but the first one should have been I love you, and I choose you. If you let me, I plan to choose you every day for the rest of my life.”

The war in her head is easy to read. She may be tough as nails, but that heart of hers has always been easy to see. And right now, it’s at war with her head. “I don’t know, Maverick. It shouldn’t have taken you almost dying,” she lifts her hand and points around the room, points to me, “for you to realize you can’t live without me.”

“I’ve known the whole time, Ava, baby. I swear. Rodeo has been my whole life up until you. You came in like a wrecking ball to all my plans, but more than anything, you helped me realize the only person I need to compete with is me. You loved me for me, not for being a part of mydad’s legacy. I don’t need to beat them to earn love. And I know that now, because of you.”

It’s hard to admit I had a lot of pent-up grief I had shoved down for years. I was too busy trying to become better than my dad to fully come to terms with the fact that he’s gone. The fact that just being his son was enough to make him proud. That’s what it was always about, doing what he never did so that piece of him could live on. If there was anyone in the world who could understand that, it’s the girl looking at me.

“Mav, are you even sure you love me? You’ve been forced to be with me for months. Maybe the proximity to each other made this seem like something more than it is.” I’m currently laying in a bed after being stomped by a bull until my lights went out, and somehow, those words hurt way more than any damage that beast did to me. They cut me to my core because they’re wrong. Dead fucking wrong.

“It had nothing to do with the proximity. Somehow or someway, I would have made my way to you eventually. You werealwaysmeant to be mine. If you don’t believe a single word I say, at least believe that. You’re the first thing I’ve ever loved more than myself and my dreams. And that is scary as shit, but worth it.Youare worth it.”

“Alright, then tell me why you love me.” She cocks her head to the side, her usual warm demeanor gone, and I can tell her walls are all the way up. She wants to know why I love her? Wants me to prove this isn’t some fluke? I can do that.

“Because you work hard. You refuse to ask for help, even when you need it. You always find a way to make it happen, even if every single odd in the universe is stacked against you. It’s not over till’ you say it’s over, and fuck, that’s something so rare these days, sweetheart. I love you because I see myself in you. I see how lovable you are, whichhas made me realize I’m lovable. Not for the rides, not for the money. But for me. You were my missing piece. The other half of me, and I fully believe the good Lord knew exactly what he was doing when he brought you to me. I love you for your heart and everything that you are. Everything. You are what my world spins around now.” I take a shaky breath after spilling my heart out to her in one single breath, scared to take a breath and have her stop me.

She stays quiet for a second, closing her eyes and shaking her head, and I feel my pulse quicken because I really might have lost her for good. I can’t even blame her for leaving or not forgiving me. All I had to do was choose her. If I could go back and do that day differently, I would.

“I don’t know, Mav. Those are all really nice things to say, but you hurt me. All I needed was for you to pick me and the life we could have. How do I know you won’t regret it or resent me for it later on?” A tear streaks down her flushed cheek, and I hate it. Most of all, I hate myself for being the cause behind her pain.

“Ava, baby, if I could get on my knees and beg for you, I would. I will, as soon as I can get out of this bed, I will crawl on my knees to you and beg for your forgiveness. Whatever you need me to do for you to trust me again. I’ll do it, I don’t care how long it takes. I’m willing to put in the work and make you love me again.”

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