Page 138 of Under the Bed

Back to punishing her. To showing her that no monster will ever be worse than I am.

That I’m the best and only man to protect her.

“We—I—” Her bottom lip wobbles. She growls, snapping her mouth shut. Deep breath. “I owe our baby a better future than what we can offer them right now. Parents who won’t be on the run. Who’ll be able to give them the love they deserve.”

I’m about to tell her no one will ever love them as much as I will. This creature that’ll be half-her and half-me. I’ll love it as much as a man like me can.

As much as my dark soul allows.

My body ripples with knowledge. With fury.

With her suggesting that I won’t be able to.

Anger morphs into gut-wrenching sadness.

What the hell is this?

I don’t recognize this pain.

Only I do.

My insides twisted just the same on that awful day.

They touched me. I didn’t want it. It hurt.

The pain that started in the pit of my stomach rises. A million daggers tear through my insides. Puncturing every organ in their paths. I’m bleeding on the inside, and motherfucker, the pain.

“You’re scared they’ll turn out like me.”

“No. God, no. Please, Kaleb.” She grabs my hoodie. “Didn’t you hear me? I said?—”

“No.” I slam a hand next to her head. Crush the damn pill box between me and the wall. “I heard you just fine. I understand.”

I’d have to be an idiot not to, right? I told her she was the only person I’d ever loved.

Meaning—fuck—that I might not love our baby at all.

It’ll never happen. I haven’t been incapable of love for years.

I’ll always love her and our kids.Always.

But I get why she worries. I planted these ideas in her head. That she was the only one my heart would ever open up to.

“Take a deep breath.” Her fingers dig into my clothes. I release her chin to bat them away. “You have to calm down. You have to calm down to listen to me.”

“I said I understood.” I look left and right. No one’s stopping on the street. No one’s staring. Looking back at herhurts so fucking bad. “Who’d want a kid with someone like me?”

“I—”

“Did I ever tell you that I terrified my preschool teacher?” I lower my face to hers, breathing fire. “She called my parents, asking them to transfer me to a different school. To homeschool me. Anything but be in her classroom.”

Shiloh shakes her head, her hair swiping at the harsh wall behind her.

“Dad beat me up good that night.” Memories pummel into me. I’m not in pain as I relive them. They just are.

“That bastard.” She grips my hoodie again.

“Shut up, Shiloh.” One hand slams over her mouth, another on her throat. The Plan B box drops to the floor. “Freak, Dad called me.Blood-sucking vampire! You think I got nothing better to do than take care of your bullshit?He got too close, so I stabbed his foot with a knife. He kicked me so hard I passed out.”

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