Page 19 of Under the Bed

I said the bad word and I didn’t care.

“No,” both of them said.

I punched Lee’s stomach first. He laughed while Connor reached for my hair and tugged. Hard.

Lee gripped the front of my shirt, and I grunted in pain. He pulled on it, ripping the buttons off. I’d never forget the sound they made as they landed on the floor.

Clink.

Clink.

Clink.

“Stop it,” I kept growling, kept fighting—kicking Connor’s shin. He had his hand on my left breast, no matter what I did. Lee had his on the right one, yanking the cup of my bra down. Exposing me to them. But I still fought. Still needed to make Kaleb proud of me. “Stop, don’t touch me.”

“Fuck, they’re huge.” The pain from having Connor squeeze my breast was unbearable.

“Pink nipples.” Lee twisted mine, and though I clawed at his wrist, though I made him bleed, he wouldn’t let go. Pain and humiliation burned my skin. It made it red, itchy. My lungs felt too big for my body.

At eleven years old, I hardly knew what porn was. What I knew was that I didn’t want any part of it. Not if it made your stomach sink like that. If it made your heart ache and had tears leaking from your eyes.

“G-go away.” I kicked Lee since he hurt me worse. Didn’t make any difference. “Go?—”

The word got swallowed because Connor tricked me. I wasn’t paying as much attention to him and he used it against me. Leaned in and bit me through my bra.

His hand on my throat. Choking me.

This is how I die. Choked and bitten and?—

My train of thought got cut abruptly when Lee mimicked his friend. Two sets of teeth clamping on my breasts. Two mouths sucking. One hand curled around my throat, another on my navel, going down, down, down.

As much as I wished for it, I wasn’t Kaleb.

But I wasn’t going to die there.

“Help!” Blood trickled from both of my breasts. Fear gripped my heart and wouldn’t let go. Black. Black dots clouded my vision. I couldn’t afford to faint in that bathroom, alone with them. “Help me! Help me! Help me!”

I was lucky that day. Extremely fortunate that the hall monitor walked past the bathroom and heard my cries for help before either of the boys slammed a hand on my mouth to silence me.

Less so in the aftermath.

The boys claimed I’d asked for it. Threatened the hall monitor that if he told anyone, their wealthy daddies would have him fired and no other school would hire him. I was too shocked to confront him and say that my dad was probably the strongest one of them all.

The hall monitor sighed, took one last look at me, then escorted me to the school secretary. He said I’d fallen and needed a new shirt. I couldn’t accuse him of lying. Couldn’t talk the whole time we were there.

Then I came home.

To Kaleb. He stood in the foyer, same as he’d done on any other day before and after our summer break. While his mom spent hours sleeping in her bedroom.

Tall and dark and menacing. His white mask in place. Black eyes staring back at me.

He cared for his mask. He did. Yet at the sight of my crumpled uniform that was a size too small for me, with my mouth twisted in pain, he dropped it to the floor like it meant nothing to him.

He ran over to me like I meanteverything.

“Shiloh.” The first tear slipped out. I couldn’t hold it back a second longer. Rage flashed in his eyes as it trickled down my cheek. His hands gripped my shoulders. “Who did this to you?”

He didn’t know what they’d done. He didn’t need to hear my story. Didn’t ask for proof. It didn’t matter that their parents were rich and could cause him trouble.

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