Page 148 of The Bittersweet Bond

__________

Evin turned the key in the restroom door, hearing the soft click as it locked. She leaned against the cold tile, unmoving, letting the chill seep into her back as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded. It felt as if someone had pulled the ground from under her, and yet—she was still here. Breathing. Functioning.

Her fingers glided over the skin of her hands, unsure of how to process this moment. The encounter had felt like a lightning strike—fast, hot, searing—and she didn’t know whether it had burned her or simply jolted her awake.

Sergej. Here. At this place. So close to her. How had she not expected it?

Her breathing was ragged, shallow and uneven. She closed her eyes, feeling her throat constrict, her mind scrambling to sort through the flood of emotions.

Disgust. That was the first thing that surfaced as his face flashed in her mind. His presence had hit her like a wave—poisonous, acidic, corrosive. She hadn’t even realized how tightly her hands had curled into fists until her nails dug into her skin.

And then, there was the anger.

It roared inside her, untamed and raw. Anger that he was here at all, that he had the audacity to step into her space, into a world that didn’t belong to him. Anger that he still occupied so much space in her mind without her consent.

But it wasn’t just that.

An unwelcome shame twisted in her stomach, gnawing at her, eating away at her sense of self. The memory of her own paralysis back then—of how she had looked at him today, of how she had struggled to summon her strength. Had she hesitated?Why wasn’t I stronger?

Her gaze drifted to the mirror.

For a moment, she hesitated before looking at herself.

Her face was pale, with only a faint flush in her cheeks, and her lips trembled slightly. Her eyes—the same eyes that had changed so much since that night—were wide, almost glassy. But there was something new. Something darker.

She held her own gaze, searching for something familiar, something that reminded her of herself. But all she saw was a mixture of the girl she used to be and the one she was trying to become. A person she didn’t fully know yet.

The disgust was still there, along with the anger. But there was something else, too.

Something quiet. Almost imperceptible. A flicker of strength at the center of her chest.

He hadn’t broken her today. Not anymore.

She shook her head and looked away, placing her hands on the sink. The cold porcelain burned against her skin, and she felt the tension in her back, like a bow pulled too tight, ready to snap. The memories pressed in—his eyes back then, his words that still lingered like needles under her skin. And now, today, the way he had looked at her, as if he had any right to exist in her life.

Evin swallowed hard. She didn’t know how she was supposed to feel. Her thoughts crashed against each other, spiraling too fast to hold onto. But she knew one thing:

She was not the same girl anymore.

The realization came quietly, almost hesitantly. But it was there.

The Evin from before wouldn’t have said anything. She would have looked away, walked away, tried to disappear.

But she had spoken. She had found her voice, even if only for a moment. And that alone was something.

Her heartbeat slowed as she continued to stare into the mirror, her eyes narrowing in thought.

You’re here, Sergej, but that doesn’t mean you get to stay.

The thought wasn’t loud, wasn’t triumphant. But it was there. A promise to herself.

She straightened, pulled down her sweater, and took a deep breath. The cold against her back was gone, but the tension in her body remained. She knew she hadn’t overcome everything. She knew he was still in her head, in her thoughts, in her shadows.

But she also knew—he wasn’t the end of her.

She was here.

And she would keep moving forward.

---