Page 202 of The Bittersweet Bond

Her brow furrowed, and she opened her mouth to speak, but he raised his finger to stop her. “Let me finish first, okay?”

She waited for him to continue.

“I got drunk. Completely wasted. I couldn't handle the thought that you might not care about me. And… naturally, I overslept. It was a stupid, unforgivable mistake.” He laughed bitterly, a sound that stung him as well. “And after that, when my head cleared, there was this feeling... fucking guilt.”

“Guilt?” she asked softly, her voice hesitant, almost disbelieving.

“Yes, guilt. It's all my fault. About Sergej. About what happened. I didn't see it. I didn't protect you. Not even when Ben noticed something was off, I didn't act. Because I was too blind, too confident, too... convinced that no one could ever hurt you like that. And now… now I feel like everything that happened rests on my shoulders.”

His words hung heavily in the air, oppressive yet oddly liberating. Evin looked at him, her eyes filled with emotions he couldn't decipher.

“Okay, wow, Bas, wait…” she began, clearly taken aback. “You aren't responsible for what Sergej did. You're not.”

“But I pushed you toward him,” he countered, his voice raw with emotion. He couldn't look into her wide eyes. “I hurt you by not being there. And after the fight, I thought you needed space, time to recover… to process everything. But maybe that was just another excuse because I thought I didn't deserve you.”

She shook her head rapidly. “Bas, I don't need space. I don't need distance. What happened didn't happen yesterday. You're not to blame!” She took a short breath before continuing, “It happened months ago. And I dealt with it in my own way. Maybe not perfectly, but… I found a way. Honestly, I think you were the one who needed space to process everything.”

He wanted to respond, but this time she raised her hand to stop him.

“I thought you didn't want me anymore. Because I'm not perfect anymore. Because I'm… broken. I never felt like I fit into your perfect world, and now I fit even less. And I felt ashamed. Because I didn't protect myself, because I didn't say'no' clearly enough. I thought you were angry at me for… for not being strong enough to prevent it.”

Bas felt his heart clench painfully. If only she understood how perfect he found her. Yet, at the same time, something dark stirred within him—a feeling both frightening and exhilarating. The realization that Evin wasn't flawless, that she sat broken and vulnerable before him, awakened something he'd kept hidden deep within. Something that made him want to possess her even more. Her supposed imperfection made her infinitely more desirable, intense, and unquestionably real. It felt wrong, but he couldn't stop the heat that spread through him at the thought of claiming her exactly as she was—vulnerable, imperfect, and entirely at his mercy.

“Evin… no. No. That's not true. First: You're not broken. To me, you're perfect. My perfect. Second: You're not worth any less. I just never had the guts to stand up against my father or the stupid comments from my friends when we were younger, but that's over now. I told you before: fuck my world. And third: I can get angry at you quickly, but this would never be a reason.”

“But you are angry,” she whispered.

He couldn't lie. Not now. “Yes. I'm angry at myself. Angry that I was blind, that I didn't protect you. But not at you, Ev.”

Her eyes filled with tears, though she quickly blinked them away. Her hand closed tightly around the pendant, as if seeking strength.

“Bas, I don't want you to feel guilty. That doesn't help anyone. Especially not me.”

He took a deep breath, looking at her as she sat there—so strong yet vulnerable. “Then tell me what I can do. Tell me how I can show you I'm here for you. I want to understand what you need.”

She smiled weakly, a faint glow amid the darkness. “You're already doing it, Bas. Just giving me these moments every now and then is enough.”

He opened his mouth to reply, but she placed her hand over his, her touch gentle yet firm. “Thank you.” Before silence could fully settle, Evin asked him, “And what about you? What do you need from me? Because I don't know if you're okay knowing… that something like that happened to me.”

Bas stared into her wide, doe-like eyes, startled by the question. He hesitated, unsure how honest he should be. He feared the pity he felt might never fade.

“Nothing, Birdie,” he finally answered. “Just stay exactly as you are.”

__________

Evin

The look in his eyes was gentle yet filled with concern. She sensed what might come next but didn't want to hear it. Not now. Yet the silence between them grew too heavy to ignore.

“Have you ever thought about talking to someone? Professionally?”

Evin hesitated, turning the pendant slowly between her fingers. “Sebastian… I know you mean well, but I want to close this chapter. Not open it again.”

“Sometimes it helps to talk about things,” he replied softly.

She shook her head. For a moment, anger tried to rise inside her, but she quickly breathed it away. Sarcastically, she shot back, “Then a lot of people should see a therapist...” But when she saw the expression on Bas’s face, she composed herself, replying more carefully, “The weight doesn't just disappear, Bas. And honestly? I’ve found my own ways to handle it.”

“How’s that?” His voice was gentle, but she could sense a quiet persistence beneath it.

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