Page 97 of The Bittersweet Bond

“Fuck you!” she spat. “We’re done.”

Sergej followed her to the hallway and moved to block the door.

“What? Why?”

Finally, she felt her strength return. She shoved him aside and fled into the building’s corridor.

“What do you mean, why?” she mocked, mimicking him. “Don’t ever call me again. Delete my number!” she shouted and bolted down the stairs.

“Don’t forget the morning-after pill,” he called after her.

She ran without stopping. Only when she reached the next block did she begin to slow down. The streetlights blurred, streaking like smudged ink as she ran.

I waited years for this?Turned down so many guys for this?Every part of her body ached, but one part more than the rest.I should’ve just fucked Bas or one of the other idiots instead. For this?

Tears streamed down her face. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

Chapter 30

Shame On Me

Diary, oh, dearest diary...

I hate myself!

How could I be so fucking stupid?

Throw away something I’d protected for so long. Give away something I’d guarded like it was sacred. How could I? HOW? How fucking disgusting can someone be? This is what I get for trying to act cool. Even the shower didn’t help. I still feel filthy. Dirty. I need a drink.

Tears are pouring down my face, and I’m not even allowed to be mad at him.

It’s my fault! ALL my fault!

ME, ME, ME!

Whatever. Fuck it. Calm the fuck down! Life goes on, right? You’ve survived everything else. You’ll survive this too.

But this was the first and the last time… For a long fucking time.

How could he do this? Did he really not see that I didn’t want it? So much for having feelings for me. Someone who feels something for you doesn’t do that. Just another asshole who only wanted to fuck you. And this time, he won. He got what he wanted.

Shame on you. Shame on you.

SHAME ON YOU.

And now? What now? I’ll fucking kill him. If I ever answer one of his calls again... He’s fucking dead to me. He’s nothing. NOTHING. You didn’t even want him. Calm the fuck down... Distract yourself! Think of Bas! Bas… Fuck! What have I done? I spent years not letting him get close, and now look at this disaster. I miss him. I miss him so much. How the hell am I supposed to tell him that?

You’re not. You don’t say anything. This NEVER happened. Keep your fucking mouth shut and act like it never existed. Sergej? Who the hell is Sergej? How could I let such a selfish, disgusting, sex-obsessed piece of shit into my life?

Well… that’s it. It’s over. No one’s going to look at you ever again. Now everyone’s really going to think you’re a whore. And now you actually are. How could you let this happen? How could I let this happen to myself? How could you do this to me, Sergej? Fuck you!

Oh, diary, I want to scream. So loud! I want to forget everything. I need to forget this ever happened. This isn’t real. Please, let me forget.

…

I just threw up in the bathroom. Thank God my parents didn’t notice. I’m so tired. I need to go to bed. I don’t want to get up again.

See you...

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