Page 33 of Only Some Stars Fall

FIFTEEN

EVERLY

After what feelslike climbing forever, but in reality, is probably closer to an hour, I notice the trees start to thin. Somehow, the sky seems closer. My heart is beating out of my chest, and I feel a bit dizzy. I’m sure it is no secret to Hux by now that I have spent very little time in the woods and even less climbing mountains.

I pride myself on not being one of those city girls who are afraid of dirt and don’t know how to use a map. Before my mom died, when my dad still had time to do things he enjoyed with his family, he would take us on picnics or fishing at the river. When she passed, though, his endless love and selflessness remained, his free time and playfulness disappeared.

“We are almost there, I promise.” Hux has stopped up ahead and looks down the trail at me.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asks with a bit of concern in his voice.

I shake the hints of sadness that I’m sure have settled intothe laugh lines on my face and brush the haze away with my hand.

“Yeah, sorry, I think I’m just a little dehydrated. I could have sworn I just saw bigfoot,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood as I hurry to catch up with him. I can smell the sweat that glistens on his skin, and my slight dizziness returns now for entirely different reasons. He leans in so I can feel his hot breath on my cheek.

Pointing ahead, he says, “Just through there.” Even though I feel like I am hot enough to catch fire, a shiver runs down my body.

We walk ahead into a clearing, and for a moment, I am speechless. A large field opens up before us. At the far end is what I can only imagine to be a cliff as the ground simply disappears. There is a one-hundred-eighty-degree view of mountain ranges in the distance, all different shades of blue like patchwork.

I hear water somewhere far off, a stream hidden in the surrounding woods. But my eyes are quickly drawn to the massive helicopter that is planted on the edge of the clearing. It’s rusty, clearly old, and completely covered in spray-painted hearts with initials in the middle. Hundreds and hundreds of hearts cover the metal sheets, some that are new and some so faded you can barely make them out. Certain people probably consider it an eyesore in the middle of the otherwise pristine woods, but I find it endearing. I smile and walk toward the abandoned aircraft. I can feel Hux’s eyes on me and hear his footsteps trailing behind me as I make my way through the field, following the well-worn path.

“The chopper had a crash landing here back in the sixties. No one was killed, thankfully, but like a lot of things back then, they just left it here to have nature take its course. Over the years, people have discovered it and this view.”

“It looks like it’s a popular spot. Where is everyone?”

“I’m a little surprised we have it to ourselves, though it’s mostly only known by locals, and we normally like to sneak up here at sunset when it gets a lot more interesting.” A chuckle escapes his lips, and I immediately wonder how many times he’s been here at sunset and with who. Will I find a heart with his initials on this old helicopter?

“Hmm, I bet it does…” We are silent for a few moments. I run my fingers lightly along the hearts, studying each one as if I know each couple personally. I wonder if BMS and AMF are still as in love as they were when they drew that blue heart, which has now faded out with other hearts encroaching on its edges.

“Hungry?” Hux calls, and I realize he has wandered away as I turn toward his voice and see him next to the cliff, spreading out a small blanket from his backpack. I walk over to where various crackers, cheese, and fruit appear. When did he even have time to pack this? While I was in the shower? That means he had planned this to some degree. Those butterflies start to flutter their wings again within my stomach, and a smile creeps onto my face.

I am well aware that whatever “this” is most likely will end horribly now that I’ve allowed feelings to seep in. But my protective shield is down, and the rose-colored glasses are on for the day. Today, I just want to enjoy this. No matter if our connection is or isn’t real, I like how I feel when I am with Hux, especially when we are alone, and I can catch a glimpse of the softness he harbors. It’s like I have been let in on a secret, a secret I’ll gladly guard, no matter the pain.

Maybe I am weak or falling back into an old pattern, but up here on top of this mountain in the middle of the Maine woods, I am going to let it be.

I close my eyes, tilt my face to the sun, and breathe. Ibreathe for what feels like the first time since I have arrived here. Hux says nothing and lets me enjoy my moment. I allow the weight to ease from my shoulders and slide down my back. It’s not just the tension with Hux over the last month either, it’s the last few years. Maybe even as far back as when my mom died. I took on so much responsibility. I fell into the roles that were handed to me. Taking care of my family, being a good friend, staying focused in school, and being loyal to a boy who had no intention of doing the same for me all took their toll. It was a series of jobs and choices I took on without ever thinking twice. I never thought about how much that baggage wore me down.

I am starting to loosen those chains. I feel free, and though I miss the comfort of my dad and brother back home, something here is calling to a part of me I had completely lost sight of.

“The air feels different up here, doesn’t it?” Hux has pointed his face to the sky like I have. His eyes are closed, and a gentle smile spreads across his face.

“This is an amazing spot. It’s perfect.”

“I meant Silsby, in general. I lived in New York City for a few years in college, and I never planned to ever come back to this place. Most days, I dream of jumping in my truck and driving straight back to the city. But there is something about the air here. It just feels different.” Hux still hasn’t opened his eyes, which is probably good because I am staring, mouth agape at him. I knew from Alex he went to college in New York, but in the month I have been here, Hux has almost never shared anything personal with me. Everything I have gathered has come from Alex. Even then, it seems the whole town, including her, is reluctant to discuss the Anderson family.

“When I first got here, I missed Boston a lot, but then again, even in the city, I am pretty much a homebody. I was either in my dorm or home for the weekend with my dad and brother.My roommate, Hannah, tried her best to drag me out, similar to how Alex does, but I guess I have never been very good at stepping outside of my comfort zone.” I gently massage the skin between my thumb and pointer finger, which is a nervous habit.

I look back up at him and smile. “I thought when I got to Boston University, I would step out of my shell, feel as if I had permission to let loose and be a new person, but I ended up living a pretty similar lifestyle. As weird as it sounds, coming to Silsby is one of the wildest things I have ever done.” I tuck the hair that has escaped my loose bun and pluck a grape from the pile Hux has placed on the blanket.

“Look at us, a couple of opposites. Coming back to Silsby feels like a jail sentence for me, and for you, it became your ticket to freedom. Kind of ironic, isn’t it.” He runs his hands through his shaggy hair, pushing it off his face and then letting his hands fall between his legs as he leans on his knees.

I let out a small laugh, but my intrigue gets the best of me. The question leaves my mouth before I can stop myself. “But what about Silsby has you feeling so trapped? Alex told me on the way up here that things had been hard for your family and the business, but it sounds like you’re doing a good job helping them get things sorted. Business seems to be great this summer. I would think there must be a way for you to get back to the city. That this return is more of a speed bump than anything?”

Hux’s demeanor changes just slightly. I can see the agitation as he looks anywhere but my face and fidgets with the blade of grass in his hands.

“More like a flat tire that can’t be repaired. I’m not sure how much Alex told you, but I had an older brother, Storm.”

I choose to say nothing and wait for him to continue. It takes a few minutes before he begins again.

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