Page 136 of Seeing Grayscale

“That’s because you don’t have anything to lose,” he growls, low and guttural. “You don’t know what it’s like to try so fucking hard to matter, all the while knowing you might never.”

I shoulder past him, stepping out into the hall while pushing the charger and wallet in my pocket. My shoes are downstairs. I don’t have any socks on, but fuck it. I’ve dealt with worse.

“Youwere the one who agreed to this, Gray!” he yells at my back.

I hurry down the stairs, choking on the sob caught in my throat.

“You wanted this despite knowing it was all I could offer. Youagreed!”

My feet hit the bottom and I spin around with a vengeance, bellowing out a horrible cry. “And youlied! You promised that you weren’t telling me to give you time, knowing it wouldn’t ever happen! I begged you! I trusted you! You pushed into my life, tricked me and seduced me, all the while youknewit was only temporary—thatIwas only temporary.” I wipe my eyes quicklybefore continuing, “You were right about one thing, Hunter. Idodeserve better, and it isn’tyou.”

“Gray—”

I slide my feet into my shoes, grab my jacket off the coat rack, and open the door. Familiar fear claws at my skin, but it’s nothing compared to the hollow pit now in place of my chest.

“Gray, stop. It’s fucking dark and freezing!”

I ignore him, stepping onto the porch. There aren’t any neighbors immediately close by, but the houses in the distance are close enough that they’d hear the screaming if it got quiet enough. Banking on his cowardice, I start walking.

“God damn it,” he growls, and I hear the front door slam shut followed by his heavy footfalls. “Gray, wait. Just wait. I’m explaining this all wrong.”

I keep going.

“Please!”

I push my legs faster.

“You have to understand. I swear to god, I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m trying to make all the pieces fit.”

Mustering the last ounce of my strength—the final chunk I’ve stored away—I stop, take a breath, and as loud as I possibly can, I scream, “LEAVE ME ALONE, HUNTER KADE!”

His eyes bug out of his skull as my voice carries across the water, down the road, and a few lights flip on in the distance. Our breaths waft out in grey puffs of smoke, his face pales, and I lift my chin before spitting.

“I deserve better.”

I give him my back, leaving my shattered heart lying in the snow right by the spit at his feet.

FIFTY-THREE

Goafterhim!

Fucking stop him!

I can’t move.

Keenly aware that if I follow him, he’ll make a bigger scene, and the Kleins’ house is right down the road, I stay put. I hold the top of my head, watching his figure get smaller and smaller.

Get in your car.

Make him get in it.

What the fuck have I done?

Everything he said plays on repeat in my head. The way I explained what needed to happen sounded good when I rehearsed it on the way here. It was civil, to the point, and I even reassured him throughout. Nothing was changing except where he’d be. The whole point was to keep him safe, to make sure he could still achieve all that he wanted while having a roof over his head…

I take a step forward, like there’s an invisible rope wrapped around my middle, and the farther he gets, the more it tugs, demanding I follow. The sky gets darker, the chill in the air bites at my exposed skin, and freezes the tears on my cheeks.

My whole life, I have tried to be a good person.

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