Page 139 of Seeing Grayscale

“But it’s illegal! He can’t do this!”

“He did, Hunter. He did, and now we have to move forward. I planned on sleeping in tomorrow since, oh, you know, I don’t have a job.”

No.No, no, no.

“Alex. I need you to find Gray.”

I hear him suck in a breath. “Does this count towards my unemployment? The kid doesn’t like me…”

“I need you to find him and get him somewhere safe.”

“And where would I find him?”

It’s been over an hour…but he’s on foot, so he can’t have gone that far. “Start at Old Barrel.”

“The diner you love?”

“Yeah. Start there.”

FIFTY-FOUR

Snowcrunchesundermysneakers.

The chill bites into my cheeks as I lick my chapped lips. Despite the thick sweatpants and hoodie, the cold breezes through the fabric like I’m naked. I don’t know where I’m even going, only that I need to be as far away from this place as possible.

Wicked pain pierces through my chest with every step taken, serving as a permanent reminder that this ismyfault.

All I had to do was keep my distance—keep my feelings separate—and I wouldn’t be this fucking hurt. The truly pitifulthing about it all is that I believed him. I believed Hunter wouldn’t do this to me.

After all, he didn’t fit my depiction of evil. Because in this world, people do shitty things for good reasons. What some might view as malicious, others know is purely survival. We all are trying to get through life in this fucked up world the only way we know how. It’ll look different depending on who you are.

Even though I realize Hunter fits into that line of thinking, I can’t make excuses for him, either. He lied to my face. I let him fool me with all the shit I swore up and down didn’t matter to me anymore. I've gone without hot food, soft sheets, a roof, and clean clothes for years. I don’tneedit. But I got used to it again.

More than just the material bullshit, I got used tohim.

I learned to need him more than anything else. His company, his rare smiles, and secret nerdiness. I grew accustomed to playing house, helping him find joy, and our shared pleasure. Unlike most people, Hunter never shied away from opening up to me, and I wanted to do the same.

So why the fuck did this happen? How come I’m the one internally bleeding?

Holding my arms while futilely trying to keep some of my body heat, I stop at a corner, unsure which way to go. Not for the first time since I left, I take my phone out to see if he’s called or texted. I don’t know what I expect him to do…come after me?

Sniffling, I tuck the phone back into my pocket and cross the dark street.

Back to square one.

I’ll need to figure out how to get back home. I hope Dan and his gross minions don’t find out I’m back, and maybe I'll see if Tammy will let me crash at her place. It’s unlikely since I’m fresh out of pain pills to sell, and One Tooth Ray is in jail, so I won’t be able to bring her any pot.

Frustration quickly swells in my chest as the pressure of it all presses down on me from all sides.

My legs move faster before breaking off into a run. I pump my arms, tears burning behind my eyes, and when I get to the long stretch of road that must lead out of this place, I scream. It explodes out of me. I skid to a halt, palm my face, and scream again. Andagain.The trees around me blur, each belt of my lungs releases white puffs from my mouth, and something inside me dies.

I double over, holding onto my knees while a vicious sob rips me in two.

You knew this would happen. It was always too good to be true. You are so desperate for someone to love you, and no one does. Love died with your parents, Gray. It doesn’t want you anymore.

Somehow, I make it to the weird town that Hunter and I had breakfast in all those weeks ago. The diner doesn’t make me feel anything. I’ve gone numb.

It’s the early morning hours; the sun is starting to rise in the east. I park my ass on the bus stop bench, and pull out my phone. The battery is at 63%, so I’ll have to turn it off soon. I check my texts even though I don’t have any. No surprise there.

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