Page 141 of Seeing Grayscale

Alex respects my space and stands. “Can I take you anywhere?”

“Are you going to tell him?”

Scoffing, he pops his hip out and inspects his fingernails. “He already woke me up at this unholy hour, and I’m pretty sure I don’t have a job. So, no, I won’t be telling him shit unless he finds a way to keep paying me.”

I nod, and the motion instantly makes my head spin. “Yeah. Um. Okay. Whatever.”

“That’s not a location.”

Through the wine fog, I happen to remember Doctor Perry giving me some pamphlets, but I threw them away. I wonder if I can swing by and get them still. Maybe one of the shelters will have some clothes I can wear for an interview. Maybe I don’t need to throw it all away because Hunter broke my heart.

“Do you know Doctor Perry’s office?”

“I do,” he says with skeptical eyes.

“Take me there.”

After forcing me to eat some greasy drive-thru and pound a water bottle, Alex left me outside Doctor Perry’s clinic. He offered to stay with me, but I need to do this alone. Besides, I don't need him to babysit me. I’m feeling mildly hungover and exhausted, but I still hover my thumbs over my phone screen, debating what to say.

I know it doesn’t matter, and Hunter is a lost cause. If he really cared, if he ever loved me at all, he would’ve come after me. Even though I was angry and hurt, deep down, I wish he had fought for me harder. If he came after me, I probably would have listened.

If he just…held me and swore we’d figure it out, I would have believed him again.

But he didn’t do any of it.

He let me go, which means he never wanted me to stay in the first place.

What I don’t get, though, is why. Why would he do this to me?

I have a job interview tomorrow.

I delete the words and take a breath.

Why didn’t you come after me?

No, that’s stupid.Delete.

I let my head fall back against the brick wall of the building and bite my trembling bottom lip. My eyes swim with stupid tears as I look down at his name.

Why did you give me the opportunity?

I hit send before I change my mind, then turn off the phone. As soon as it slides into my pocket, Doctor Perry rounds the corner from the parking lot. He raises a brow at me, and I reply with a lame shrug.

“Hey, Doc, do you have more of those pamphlets?”

The good doctor must see the writing on the wall because his kind eyes soften further. “I’m glad you asked, Gray. I have plenty. Come on in.” He keys the lock to the front door, and I follow him inside.

FIFTY-FIVE

Withacigarettebetweenmy fingers, I stare up at the sky. Between the sparse clouds are splashes of pinks, oranges, and yellows as the sun appears. It’s cold, my breath mingling with the smoke I exhale.

I didn’t sleep a wink last night. It's not that I sleep well anyway, but guilt is eating me alive.

Coming to the airport was a mistake because it reminded me that I had let the best thing that ever happened to me walk out of my life.

For all my obsession, for all my affection and care, it all amounted to shit when the moment to choose it came around.

Alex informed me that Gray was safe but wouldn’t tell me where he was. I can’t say that I blame my assistant—ex assistant…? Everything is falling apart all around me, and the majority has me paralyzed with confusion.

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