Page 154 of Seeing Grayscale

I hammer my thumb over the text app, ready to just delete them, but I pause.

Hunter: Because you gave me one first.

There’s a picture attached, and I recognize it instantly. Beside the picture is a little arrow insisting I scroll down because there aremoretexts. My heart does a backflip in my chest, my breaths sawing out of me in chunks. I scroll past the picture.

Hunter: I’m sorry, Gray. And if you’ll allow it, I’d like to tell you that in person.

Hunter: I should have never let you walk away.

I whimper.

I can’t help it.

He sent those texts hours ago.Hours.

The entire time, my phone has been off today.

I could’ve seen these before my interview. I could have talked to him and told him. Would it have changed the way I handled things, though? I’m not sure. I might’ve abandoned my interview just to see him. And that…that can’t be a thing.

What if he just wants to say sorry and give us closure? It isn’t the romantic groveling, I think it is.

You shouldn’t have.

It’s the best I can do.

I look up to see the bus approaching and pocket the phone. After I get on and am seated, I pull it back out and see he’s read the text, but hasn’t replied. Of course not. He didn’t get theresponse he was looking for. But then the little bubbles pop up at the bottom of the thread.

He’s typing.

Fuck. He’s typing!

I hold my breath, staring so hard my eyes sting.

Hunter: I should have done many things differently. But I don’t regret anything other than letting you go.

Hunter: Are you safe, Gray?

Hunter: Are you okay?

I don’t know what I want him to say or ask, but this isn’t it. I know he wants to see me to apologize, but why? He already said it in that text.

I’m safe.

Hunter: But you’re not okay.

No. I’m not.

But I’ll survive. I always do.

Hunter: Resilience is one of your many attributes. I’ve always admired that about you.

Why are you texting me? What do you want?

I take a breath, rub my wet eyes, and glance around to make sure no one is staring at me. The old man at the front, twirling the cane in between his knees, is, in fact, staring. I bristle and turn my attention back to my phone.

Hunter: I want you. That’s what I want. And I don’t know where you are, or else I’d be there already. I’d be on my fucking knees, Gray.

Hunter: Let me earn you, please.

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