Page 95 of Seeing Grayscale

“How?”

I scrub at my face, sensing that my beard is too long, and blow out a breath. “I have a man living in my house.” His thin eyebrows arch above his glasses. It takes me a minute to spot the mascara darkening his lashes. “Are you wearing mascara?”

“The mailboy is into me. Iknow it,” he defends hotly before scoffing. “Don’t change the subject. A man? What man?”

He knows that I keep my private life private, and he also knows the reason. Alex wholeheartedly disagrees with my lifestyle, but he respects it. And truthfully? I’ve beendyingto tell anyone about what I’ve been doing.

A third-party insight might be helpful.

So, I tell him everything. Every pain-staking detail, all the while knowing I have a meeting with a potential new investor in thirty minutes. He listens to me while I purge the worst secret I’ve ever kept, and when I’m done, breathless and realizing the gravity of the situation, he simply blinks.

“I told you,” I sigh. “I’m fucking up.”

“Quite.”

I stare at him, waiting for more. Alex always has more to say. It takes a lot to render him speechless. Long seconds pass before he slowly slides off my desk, where he’s been sitting this whole time, and holds his hips.

“You do know you are doing more harm than good, right? Ahomeless man? Seriously, Hunter?” he squawks. “I mean, of all the guys out there…of every single cock in this city…”

“It’s notabout that,” I defend, urgently, scared to death he will keep illuminating everything I already know. “I’m just trying to help him.”

“By telling him that he has to be your dirty secret and making him come in his pants. Twice.” He holds up his fingers, and I bury my face in my hands. “This isbad.” When I peek between the gaps, seeing him pace furiously, my heart sinks.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I didn’t think…I didn’t expect…”

“That you give a fuck? Newsflash. You don’t.”

I gape at him, horrified by his decree. “I do!”

“If you did, you would take him to a shelter, get him a therapist, and back the fuck off.”

Alex folds his arms, narrowing his eyes on me while my lips flap like a gaping fish. “I’m notkeepinghim in my house. He can go whenever he wants.”

“Go where? Hmm? Back to the street? Back to those people who’ve hurt him? Raped him?” His voice grows louder and angrier. “He has nothing! You made sure of it when you took him to your fucking house, Hunter!”

I jump from my chair, shushing him while rounding the desk. “Keep your voice down.Please.”

He nods. “I’m sorry. This is just…so very bad.”

“How do I fix this? How?” I’m begging, freaking out. Sick to my stomach because I know it’s all true. I’ve warped thisentire thing into something neither of us can walk away from unscathed.

Gray wants me—he wants me badly. I want him too, but I can’t be what he needs.

Sure, I have the means to help him regarding certain resources. I can pay for whatever needs to be paid for. But it’s changed from a kind gesture into a full-blown infatuation. Icareabout Gray. Every day, I feel my heart beating faster for him.

“His appointment is on Monday?” Alex asks, his eyes drifting to the wall while he plots.

“Yes.”

“Take him to it, make sure he’s okay to be on his own, and then you take him to a shelter.”

“But I promised to help him.”

“Thatishelping him. A person like that needs to stand on their own two feet. He will resent you for making him codependent. He’s never had anyone before, and the longer he stays with you, the worse it’ll be when you pull the rug out from under him.”

It’s like a split down my spine, cracking me in half. My rational side sees the harsh truth, swallows that pill, and agrees entirely. The other side, the one thatneedsGray, that worries and frets over his every move, refuses to accept it.

I don’t want him to be anywhere that I’m not. Period. End of.

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