Page 45 of Forbidden Sins

“No—” he groans, just as he flops over onto his back, and I don’t understand why for a moment. My first thought is that it’s because he doesn’t want me to see him naked—and then I take in the sight of him, and I understand that it’s because he didn’t want me to see him naked likethis.

The front of his body is a mass of wounds. Nearly every inch of skin is welted, some of it split open, and he’s mottled with bruises all the way down to his knees. My gaze slides between his legs—I can’t help it—and my mouth drops open when I see the mess that’s been made of what lies there.

His cock is swollen in a way that even I, innocent as I am, know has nothing to do with arousal, resting atop the bruised sac of flesh beneath it, mottled with colors that look all wrong and swollen as well, like a ripe fruit about to burst. Tears fill my eyes, dripping down my cheeks as I take in the destruction in front of me, covering every inch of him, and I feel a burning hatred take root in my chest that I’ve never felt before.

I’ve never hated anyone. But I hadn’t realized my father was capable of doing something like this—of hurting someone like this. I’d never imagined it.

Even earlier, when I thought he might kill Sebastian, I thought it would be quick. Not—not this.

Blindly, I fumble for the first-aid kit, unsure of where to even start. Sebastian’s eyes loll open again, and he looks at me in a way that tells me he’s half out of it with pain.

“This is going to hurt,” I whisper, as I find alcohol pads. “It’s going to hurt a lot, and I need…I need you to be quiet if you can. If someone catches me in here?—”

“He won’t… kill… me,” Sebastian mumbles thickly. “Just… beat me… again. Cut off… something… he said.”

I know he’s out of it, or he wouldn’t be telling me all of this. I feel the blood drain from my face as I look at him. “He said that?” I whisper, and Sebastian half-nods, his head lolling towards me.

“You should… go,” he manages, and I shake my head.

“Do you want me to leave because he might hurt you again?” I whisper, and Sebastian forms a word that looks and sounds almost likeno.

“Don’t want you… hurt. You shouldn’t see… this.”

“I’m not a child.” I rip open the alcohol pad, looking down at Sebastian. “Do you want something to bite down on? Because this is going to take a while.”

He shakes his head, but it only takes one swipe of the damp pad over open skin for him to grab a handful of his pillow and bite it. My eyes well with tears as I work my way down his body, the bed littered with the packets as I laboriously clean every wound I can find, except for the swollen mass between his legs. I don’t dare touch him there. I can’t imagine how much it must hurt, and I’m terrified of making it worse.

“Need—shower—” Sebastian manages, pushing himself up on one elbow as he blinks himself forcefully back to consciousness. “Hand me… one of… those.”

I hand him one of the last remaining alcohol pads, and he rips it open, twisting away from me with a groan of pain as he leans down to tend to the cuts across his swollen cock. I reach for his other hand instinctively, and he grabs it, gripping hard enough as he sucks in hisses of air that I have to bite back a cry.

He lets go of my hand instantly, sagging back against the pillows, his body still twisted away from me. “Shouldn’t… be here,” he manages, and I glare at him.

“Well, I am,” I tell him flatly. “So do you want help getting to the shower or not?”

Sebastian prods at the split in his lip with his tongue, eyeing me. “Stubborn,” he says finally, his swollen mouth twitching ever so slightly, and I nod, still looking right at him.

“I am. And I’m not leaving you until I know there’s nothing else I can do.”

Sebastian hesitates. “Why?” he asks finally, and I lean forward, brushing his matted hair back from his face.

“This is my fault,” I whisper. “It’s all my fault—if I had left it all alone when you said?—”

“Stop… Estella.” He grabs my hands weakly, but his fingers wrap around mine. “I did… what I wanted to.” He swallows hard, letting go of me as he starts to move toward the edge of the bed.

It’s painful to watch him try to get up. I crawl off the bed, coming to stand next to him as he leans some of his weight on me. I can’t take much of it, but I help him hobble to the bathroom, turning on the hot water for him as he leans heavily against the wall.

“I didn’t want you to… see me like this,” Sebastian murmurs. “Not what I wanted if you… saw me naked.”

“It doesn’t matter.” I turn to face him, biting my lip as I look up into his green eyes. “We can’t get caught like this again, right? We have to… stay away from each other. Like that.” My chest wrenches as I say it, pain jolting through me. The thought of never kissing him again, of letting someoneelsekiss me, feels unbearable. “We have to keep our distance, after this. So I won’t—” I bite my lip, unable to say the rest.I won’t ever see you naked the way I wanted to. We won’t ever lie in bed together and touch in any way that doesn’t cause pain. We won’t ever do the things we both want with each other.

I’ll give some other man my virginity, let him touch and kiss and take what he wants, and all the while, I’ll wish that it was Sebastian. I’ll wish that for my whole life, and never have it.

But I know one thing for sure—I can’t let this happen again. I can’t let Sebastian be hurt again because of me.

Sebastian nods, slowly. Steam trickles out from above the shower door, and he slowly gets into the shower, closing it firmly behind him. I hear his low moan of pain as the water hits his broken and abused body, but I back up, out of the bathroom, and back into the bedroom.

I need to go. I know that. It feels impossible to leave him, but every moment that I stay, the likelihood that I’ll get caught rises. And I’ve done all I can.

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