Page 60 of Forbidden Sins

“Fall, I think,” I say numbly. “I’ll spend the summer planning the wedding. Vito said something about September. He’s eager to have it before it gets cold.”

“Of course,” Rachel murmurs. “Fall weddings are so pretty. And it can be so dreary here in the winter. Although getting away somewhere tropical for a honeymoon would certainly be nice in the winter.”

Marilee is still staring at me as if I’ve grown another head. “You’re really okay with this?” she shakes her head, reaching for her water glass. “Really?”

I bite my lip. “Things change. Priorities change. My brother—” I take a slow breath, wishing they could understand. Even if they won’t really be a part of my life after this…I still want them to understand.

“My brother was supposed to inherit,” I say softly. “And maybe I wish I could, too—just as myself. But that’s not how my family works. So I have to do my best, now that he’s gone. And that means accepting things that I might not otherwise want.”

The three women across the table share a glance. “Family is important,” Rachel says finally, looking at the others and then at me. “If it’s what you feel is the right thing to do.”

“It is,” I say, with a firmness that doesn’t feel real. “It’s a good thing. It will be a good thing, for me and for my family.”

I know they don’t entirely buy it. These three women knew me all through college, and even if there’s a big part of my life that they’re oblivious to—they still know when I’m not being completely honest.

“We should eat,” I say abruptly. “I have some other stops to make after, and I need to get back home before too late?—”

“Of course.” Marilee picks up her menu. “The perfect accessories for the perfect engagement, right?”

It’s impossible to miss the sarcasm in her voice. “Sure,” I say softly, and Rachel gives her a reproving look.

“We’re just worried about you, ‘Stel,” she murmurs. “You say this is a good thing, but you don’t seem happy. And we can all see the way you look at Sebastian?—”

“Don’t.” My voice sounds hollow even to me. “I don’t want to hear about that.”

Silence falls over the table again. When the waiter comes back, we all order, but even my favorite meal from this particular restaurant—a steak and avocado panini with a side of a summer berry salad—isn’t enough to bring back my appetite. I pick at the food until the check comes, and pay for everyone’s lunch as I promised before we all retreat to the car.

“I’m not feeling well,” I tell the driver as we slide in. “I think we’ll just go home.”

The driver nods, and I see Sebastian cast a glance at me in the rearview mirror, a hint of concern in his eyes. He says nothing until all three of my friends are dropped off, and we’re pulling into the courtyard of the mansion.

When he opens my door and I step out, he shifts ever so slightly in front of me, making me pause. “Are you alright?” he asks gently, and I bite my lip, holding back tears with an effort.

“You were right,” I whisper finally, unable to fully meet his gaze. “They didn’t understand. It was a mistake to try to include them at all.”

Sebastian lets out a slow breath. “Very few people would understand, Estella. This is a lonely life.”

“And ours wouldn’t be?” I look up at him. “Always on the run? Always afraid, never able to get close to anyone else because they might be a target, too?”

I see a flash of pain in his eyes. “Estella?—”

“My brother is dead. My father is using me as a piece in his chess game. This is my life. You think we’d get a happily ever after?” I slide my tongue over my lip, tasting the raw spot where I’ve bitten it too many times. “You need to save yourself.”

I push past Sebastian, feeling the weight of my future settling on my shoulders with a crushing finality. He doesn’t say anything, just lets me pass, and all I can do is hope that means that he’s accepted our fates. That he’ll get himself out of here the night of the party, before anything worse can happen to him.

I walk up the stairs leading to the front door of the mansion, and as hard as it is, I don’t look back.

I just walk back into my prison and listen as the door shuts behind me, the echo ringing in my ears long after I walk up the stairs.

20

ESTELLA

Getting ready to head downstairs to my engagement party feels like getting ready to walk to my own execution.

Looking in the mirror, I hardly feel like I recognize myself. A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for my birthday party, full of hope for my own future. My life hadn’t been exactly what I might have wanted, but I’d still had so many dreams. I run my hands over the embroidered rose-pink fabric of tonight’s dress, remembering the perfect lavender dress that I’d chosen for my party. Everything about that night felt so different. Everythingwasdifferent.

I reach up, touching the heavy diamond earrings dangling from my ears—a three-carat stud in each, with a heavy teardrop hanging down. Vito gave them to me at dinner yesterday, ostensibly to show off his generosity in front of my father, but I can’t help but think that he wanted Sebastian to see it too. To see him draping me in jewels.

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