Page 83 of Just My Type of wrong guy

I try to find the perfect melody, but the only things crossing my mind are Alexandra ’s smile and the way we seem like one, even though we’re not.

You’re almost mine, but not enough.

Close enough, but just to break me.

I see the truth in every touch,

But your fears keep me away.

I sing softly, letting the words slip out of my mouth, hoping to ease the weight of knowing that even if what I felt was more than just curiosity or the constant urge to be near her, it still wouldn’t be possible. Alexandra ’s wounds, and her fears would never allow it. Maybe that’s why she keeps saying she’s married to music.

But it feels like torture to know that out of a hundred thoughts I have, ninety-nine of them are about her.

I wish that I could make you stay,

But I don’t wanna lose my friend.

So I’ll keep loving you this way

Almost yours, and always hurt.

That final line does me in. I’m really not in love with her — I’m just getting too soft after all this time away from songwriting. With a deep sigh, I set the guitar down, hoping that simple act will be enough to chase away the mess of feelings tangled up inside me.

And no…I’m not writing a song for her.No way.

“You good, man?” Richard calls from the door, leaning against the frame, arms crossed. “Wanna talk?”

“Just… got a lot on my mind.” I step away from the instruments and head to the couch.

“I’ve known you for five years, and I’ve never seen you this quiet, A.J.,” Richard says, sitting next to me.

I hesitate, but deep down, he already knows.

“It’s Alexandra.” The name slips from my lips, and Richard laughs.

“I’ve got that part figured out, I wanna know what’s going on.”

“Nothing. Nothing’s going on. We just…”

“Just?”

“We live together, talk a lot, joke around, tease each other… Maybe I got lost in the character and don’t know where the teasing ends.”

“And how does she feel about this?”

“I don’t know, I don’t… I’m not in love with her.”

“I noticed when you were singing that into the mic,” he mocks, and I throw my head back. “I noticed when you said you wish you could make her stay but are afraid of losing the friendship. That’s why you’ll keep loving her this way: Almost hers, and always hurt.”

“I just needed to rhyme,” I say, breathing a sigh of relief that at least that’s true, and I groan, resting my elbows on my knees and scratching my neck, not sure what I’m trying to do.

He looks at me for a second, then shakes his head slowly.

“So you don’t love her?”

“No way, Richard. Wake up. I’ve known her for months.”

“I knew I loved Richard before he ever talked to me,” Daniele chimes in, stepping into the basement like I’m some naive kid.

---