Page 153 of Zero Chance

I blew out a relieved breath and turned to Waverly.

But all she said was, “There’s a camera in the upper corner of the rafters, so be warned, they can still hear and see everything we do out here.”

“Joy,” I groused, giving the camera the stink eye when I found it.“Hopefully my old school counselor will hear just how disappointed I am withherright now.”

Shaking her head in wonder, Waverly gazed up at me as if I’d just grown a second head.“I can’t believe you just stood up to my parents like that.”

“I can’t believe theytreatyou like that,” I growled, leading her to the steps so we could sit.Wrapping an arm around her shoulders because it was chilly out, I turned my face to kiss her hair.“Hell, I can’t believe youletthem.Why the hellhaveyou never stood up to them?”When a thought struck me, I pulled back in horror.“Oh fuck.”Shifting closer, I lowered my voice and murmured, “They don’t, like, abuse you, do they?”

Waverly sniffed out a sound.“No.Not at all.They’re just…worried.And they have reason to be.They have all the reason in the world not to trust me.”

Scoffing, I shook my head, not understanding.“Why?Because of how wild and out of control you are?”Arching one eyebrow, I teased, “Is it because of your massive drug addiction?Alcoholism?Your shoplifting tendencies?Vandalism?Or all those gang-related activities you participate in?”

When she rolled her eyes, I scoffed.“You’ve got to be one of the most responsible, level people I know.How can they not trust you?”

She glanced up, tears glittering in her eyes.“You’d look at me differently if I told you,” she said, her chin wobbling.“You’d start looking at me the same wayshedoes, and you’d worry about everything I did and treat me like breakable glass or?—”

“Whoa,” I cautioned, lifting both hands.“How about you tell me, and we’ll find out exactly how I react.”

Her eyes begged me to drop it, but I cupped her face and whispered, “Trustme.”

“I—” Mumbling to herself about her reluctance to admit anything, she wiped at her eyes and finally said, “I tried to kill myself when I was fifteen.That’s why they can’t trust me.”

“You…” All my breath left me in a rush.

My knee-jerk reaction was to yank her into my arms and never let go.But I knew she needed me to act rationally—not emotionally—about this.

I gulped heavily as she watched my reaction.Exhaling slowly, I asked, “Depression?”

She nodded.“Mostly.Yeah.”

Nodding along with her, I wondered, “Do youstillhave it?”

She hesitated.“Sometimes.”I knew it was a struggle for her to admit that to me, so I squeezed her fingers supportively and pulled them into my lap.

“Okay.And do you—” I shook my head and swallowed thickly.“Do you—do you still have suicidal thoughts?”

Waverly’s brown eyes lifted, and all the guilt and shame I saw was my answer.

“Fuck.”I pulled her hand to my mouth and kissed her knuckles.

“But I won’t ever go that far again,” she assured.“I learned my lesson.I won’t do that to my parents.I won’t do it to you.I promise.I won’t try to follow through with the bad thoughts again.”

“I know,” I said, wanting her to feel the full power of my support, ofmytrust in her.But I also had to learn… “How, uh, how did you…the first time?”

“Pills,” she whispered, sounding utterly humiliated.I winced, picturing her gagging and choking as the medication tried to take her away.“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before,” she mumbled miserably.“I just—I wasn’t ready for you to look at me differently.Like I’m fragile.Like I’m weak.Like I can’t?—”

“I know you’re not weak,” I assured, even as I nodded to let her know I understood why she would think it.Wanting her to actually believe me, I explained, “Hudson tried to kill himself once.When he was fourteen.”

She blinked at me in surprise, and I nodded, touching my wrist.“You know those wrist cuffs he wears all the time?They hide the cut marks.”

“I…” Waverly blinked, looking stumped.“I didn’t know.Wow.”

“Yeah.”I shrugged.“I’m guessing it’s not something a person would want known about them.But I don’t treat him any differently than I did before it happened.He’s one of my brothers; I still love him just the same.And I never once thought he was weak or fragile because of it.Hell, Waves.I went through a brief taste of depression myself after my mom died.It wasn’t like anythingyou’veobviously gone through, but it was enough to let me know I didn’t ever want to feel that way again.Like you’re just—you’re dead inside.Like nothing matters.You can’t even summon the strength to care.Like everything you do is?—”

“Worthless,” Waverly whispered.“Pointless.Hopeless.”

I drew her hand up to my chest, right over my heart.“Exactly.And knowing you fight a daily battle with that, always struggling with your own demons, always having to claw your way up from the darkness—that isn’t weakness.That’s fucking strength.And just because no one can physicallyseehow you fight—and they have no idea how bad it gets in your head—it doesn’t make your hardship any less challenging.You’re a goddamn warrior.And I’m sorry you have to deal with this.”

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