Page 190 of Zero Chance

He glanced up with bloodshot, apologetic eyes.“I just wanted to hold you,” he promised me between hyperventilating gasps.“I just wanted to squeeze you so hard, I hugged the pain and trauma right out of you.”

“Keene,” I whispered and went to him, touching his hair and pulling him to my stomach when he leaned toward me.

“I love you so much,” he sobbed, wrapping his arms around my waist.“It hurts to know how much you were hurt.It fuckinghurts.”

“It doesn’t hurt me anymore,” I promised and crawled into his lap, willingly wrapping myself around him this time.“Not since you.”

He groaned and curled around me, burying his face in my hair.“Good…good.”

He stroked my back for I don’t know how long.After a while, we lay down on our sides, facing each other, and a thoughtful silence fell between us before he murmured, “Hey.Thank you.”

I shook my head, confused.“For what?”

“I know you had some pretty dark days that didn’t give you a lot of hope.I know you thought your chance for a normal future was fucked.You had no desire to carry on.You had to sludge through a crushing depression on top of everything else, and yet you made it through every day, anyway.You made it tome.You’ll never know how grateful I am for that.Because I need you.No one else gets me like you do.So thank you for making it to me.”

“Keene,” I said, lifting my hand to touch his face.

He turned his head to kiss my hand.“I’m going to love you so hard from here on out that you’re not even going to remember what it felt like to be broken by him.Okay?”

I nodded but said, “I already feel that way.”

With a smug grin, he answered, “Darlin’, I’m just gettin’ started.”

I smiled, only to wince.

“What?”he asked, reading my expression.“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I don’t—” I shook my head, wanting to push the stray thought away, but Keene had been brave enough to tell me his story.So I drew in a breath and admitted.“I’m scared.This—” I motioned between the two of us.“I’m scared to death of losing you.I thought if you ever found out about me that you’d?—”

“Leave?”he asked incredulously, only to give an adamant shake of his head.“Jesus, Waves.Never.”

“But it’s a lot,” I said.“It—it traumatized me and formed me into what I am today.”

“I know that,” he said, nodding.“I know how heavy of a load this is for you.I know you will still have dark days because of it.And the weight of it will buckle your knees.But I will still be here for it.”

“But it won’t be...easy.I wish I could be someone who’s easy and simple for you, and?—”

“I don’t,” he shot back, wrinkling his nose in disgust.“I wantyou.That’s all.Through all the challenges and highs and lows that come with you.I want to be there beside you whenever you conquer your next low, so we can celebrate the win together.I want to hold your hand while you fight through the next one after that.I want all of it.And I swear I’m up for this.It might not be a specific situation I’ve ever dealt with before, but I feel as if I’ve trained for this my entire life by having six best friends who’ve endured trauma and loss and needed a little comic relief like me in their lives to remind them that it’s okay to smile again.”

“I need you for exactly that, too,” I told him with an emphatic nod.“You make everything...brighter.Colorful.Happier.”

“Then keep me,” he said.“Because I need you right back.You’re my anchor.The calm center of my hurricane.I revolve aroundyou.”

I shattered, overcome by the honor.“Keene.”

Scoffing, he added, “Fuck, the only reason we would split up in this lifetime would be because you finally got tired of my immature, irritating ass.Because I’m certainly not leavingyou.”

“Well, that’s not going to happen,” I told him.“I’m pretty fond of your ass.”I smoothed a hand over his backside and squeezed to prove it.

He gave a quick laugh and curled a hand around the back of my neck to kiss my jaw.“Damn straight you are.So this whole conversation is a nonissue.”

“But there are other ways to lose you,” I said.“My mom really got into my head about that.”

“Your mom?”His suddenly alert gaze seared my way.“How so?”

“She—” I cringed.“She tried to convince me how easily you’d run as soon as you knew the extent of my—my—damage.Said you were just like your father—” When his muscles went taut with anger, I ran a hand over his back to soothe him.“She said you’d leave, and I’d be so broken afterward I’d try to kill myself again.”

Keene hissed a savage curse.

---