Page 9 of Spoonful

It hit Jaylin then that Hiro not only thought Jaylin had done an okay job on the paper, but that he was actuallyimpressedfor some reason. It was a foreign feeling, and something like pleasure curled inside him as his cheeks grew hotter. “Thanks,” he managed, reaching for another cookie to give himself something else to concentrate on. He’d eaten the first cookie too fast between nerves and hunger, so this one he tried to savor. Skipping breakfast had been the right decision,but it had been near painful to do between all his activity last night, on top of not eating much for dinner.

Brent wasn't very generous with Jaylin’s “allowance” sometimes. He bought Jaylin fancy things—which Jaylin couldn't sell, because Brent remembered each and every stupid watch and suit he had given Jaylin and insisted Jaylin wear certain ones whenever the mood struck him. He took Jaylin out for meals and paid for rent and tuition, which were the two big things Jaylin cared about. It was just that Jaylin wasn't given a lot of spending money on top of that.

One of Brent’s terms of their arrangement was that Jaylin wasn't allowed to get a job. It wasso he could concentrate on school.Jaylin knew that was bullshit—Brent just wanted Jaylin more available to be at his beck and call. But that meant most of Jaylin’s allowance went to groceries and stuff. The bills Brent didn't cover.

There were things Jaylin wasn’t able to compromise on. Electricity, internet—he needed those things to do his schoolwork. But he tried to be as frugal as he could with food so that he was able to put a little into savings each week. It wasn’t a lot, but in the five months since meeting Brent, he had been able to save up almost five hundred dollars. Yeah, it meant going hungry sometimes, or waiting too eagerly for dinner with Brent, but having nearly half a grand forjust in casewas a huge deal. It was the most money he had ever had, all at once.

It was an important accomplishment. He was as good as out on the street as soon as Brent got bored of him, so the more Jaylin could squirrel away to prepare for that, the better.

A silence descended as Jaylin slowly ate his cookie and sipped his cocoa. Hiro had a frown on his face, but it looked more like he was thinking about something, not that was upset with Jaylin, so Jaylin stayed quiet.

“Jaylin,” Hiro said carefully after a couple of minutes. “Do you… mind if I ask why you’ve memorized your textbook?” He used a fingertip to flick through a few of the red sticky notes poking out from the pages.

Jaylin’s face burned anew and he hunched his shoulders.

“I’m not criticizing your study method,” Hiro said hurriedly, before Jaylin could reply. “I’m extremely impressed. It just seems like a lot of work, especially since you so obviously understand what you’re doing. Do you do this for all your classes?”

“Yeah,” Jaylin admitted.

“How many classes are you taking?” Hiro asked, still sounding careful.

“Just four,” Jaylin said. He’d tried to sign up for a fifth class like he had last semester, but the head of the paralegal department had said he wasn’t allowed to.

“Just–?”Hiro blinked. “So uh, what, that’s twelve credits?”

“Fourteen,” Jaylin said, not sure why this mattered.

Hiro mouthed“fourteen”like he didn't believe it. Jaylin fought the urge to cross his arms defensively, angry that he felt hurt by the fact that Hiro didn't think he was capable enough for four classes.

“Business law is three credits, my math class is three credits, I’m taking astronomy, which is a four-credit lab, and my language class is four credits.”

At least between last semester and this one he had almost all his prerequisites out of the way. He’d have to take the next course in his language class, but aside from that, all he had left were the classes in the paralegal program.

“That’s really incredible,” Hiro said. Jaylin frowned. What was so incredible about doing the bare minimum in college? Wasn’t four classes typical? “What language?”

“American Sign Language,” Jaylin said. It was straight-forward, he didn't have to worry about mispronouncing anything, and there wasn't the horrific stress of trying to figure out words written in a different language.

Jaylin was conversationally fluent in Spanish, having picked it up just from hearing it spoken over the years with a couple of different foster families and in school. The fact that he couldn't read or write it had nearly failed him out of high school anyway.

Hiro looked at him for a long moment. “So Sign Language, business law, an astronomy lab, and a math class.”

“Yeah.”

“What math class?” Hiro asked, voice cautious.

“Statistics,” Jaylin said. “It’s required for the paralegal program, but it also fulfills my math requirement for the degree.”

“Wow.” Hiro ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, okay, wow. I see why Aditi was impressed.” Before Jaylin could think of a way to respond to that, Hiro continued, smile turning rueful. “How badly were you humoring us both when you said you could use my help?”

What?This conversation was giving Jaylin mental whiplash. He was still so tired, and now that he had had a couple of cookies and the last of his hot cocoa, his stomach was reminding him that it was still very empty. Which was probably why he ended up blurting out, “I wasn’t. I-I’m falling behind.”

Hiro gave him a look that was a cross between astonished and horrified. “How?”

Jaylin’s throat clicked and he stared at the table. He didn't say anything, because he didn't know what would come out of his mouth if he opened it.I’m so stupid that I can barely read or write. I’m memorizing my textbooks because it’s the only wayI can manage to follow along in class. I’m spending hours and hours every night struggling through simple sentences.

Maybe it was because he was so tired and that his body ached from last night, but his eyes burned with shame.

“Fuck, listen to me,” Hiro said quietly. “Listen, Jaylin, I’m sorry. I’m not questioning you. Or I shouldn’t be. I’m just surprised. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone like you before.”

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