Page 71 of Lucien

“Exactly,” Luc said calmly, as if Jamie had proven his point. “I turned Danny because of vengeance. Fear. Obsession. I used him as a tool to see if mates even existed. My monster urged me to, and—and I wanted to as well. So I did. But see—” Luc reached out and brushed a lock of Jamie’s hair out of his eyes. “You’ve tamed the monster, haven’t you? So now it’s just me. The man underneath. And I’m terrified of causing you to…regret me.” He pulled his hand back, sighing deeply. “I didn’tloveDanny, flower.”

Something fluttered in Jamie’s belly, something warm and soft and hopeful. “But you love…me?” He knew they were bound, connected, ridiculously drawn to each other. But love implied a…knowing. An understanding and acceptance of another person, deeper than base instinct.

Luc smiled tenderly at him, his ever-present fangs glinting in the light. “How could I not? Just look at you. So brave. So beautiful. So…alive.”

Alive.

Was that such a large part of Luc’s attraction to him, that Jamie was human? Did he just crave what he himself lacked? Was that why he didn’t want Jamie to turn?

The word served as a reminder as to why Jamie was so angry with his vampire. He sniffed and crossed his arms, trying not to give in to Luc’s unexpected sweetness. “Well, I’ve loved you for years, so welcome to the fucking party.”

Luc sighed, cupping Jamie’s cheek with one warm hand. Jamie allowed it because the touch felt pretty nice,notbecause he wasn’t still pissed. “You were drawn to me, yes,” Luc said. “Attracted to me, surely. You felt the pull of our mate bond as I did. But you didn’t know, Jamie. You couldn’t have known the real brute you would get. You could regret it, over time.”

Jamie shook his head furiously. Oh fuck no. No other person—not even his mate—got to tell him how he felt. He knew his own fucking mind. He knew his own heart. “You don’t get it, Luc. Isawyou. Those glimpses of you, over the years… I’ve seen you feed, seen you drain a person dry. I’ve seen you angry. I’ve seen you absolutely vicious. And I’ve seen yousad. So unbearably sad, when no one else was looking. And I wanted nothing more than to be there, by your side. To be the anchor that kept you from sinking down into that fucking ocean of sadness all around you. And now I am. I’mhere. So what’s the fucking problem?”

Luc was looking almost a little dazed by his declaration, his black eyes glassy. “I— But— Love canchange, flower. Roman and I loved each other, in our way. And now he despises me. Everyone despises me eventually.”

Jamie waved that objection off with one hand. “Well, you can be a bit of a dick.”

Luc gave a begrudged, choked laugh, then took a deep breath, his thumb stroking Jamie’s cheek. “If you grew to despise me, I would likely lose my mind. I would—I would snap, Jamie. I know I would. I hounded Roman for decades, and we weren’t even romantic. If you leave me… If you reject me—I won’t let it go. I won’t fade into the background graciously. I’ll haunt you. Forever. Always. An eternity with me nipping at your heels. Dragging you back to my evil lair, as young Daniel said.”

That sounded fucking perfect to Jamie. He had no plans to leave this vampire’s side. But clearly Luc needed…something. Some reassurance. Jamie cocked his head, studying the man in front of him. “What are you looking for exactly? A promise of unconditional love?”

A flash across Luc’s face. Yes, that was definitely it. Luc wanted certainty. He wanted guarantees.

For a centuries-old creature of the night, he was acting awfully naive.

“Well, that’s fucking stupid,” Jamie declared bluntly.

Luc’s thumb paused its movement on his cheek.

“Unconditional love doesn’t exist, monster. Maybe—maybe—between parents and their kids, if you’re fucking lucky. But even then, there are a million exceptions I could cite, my own fucking father included. You want what, some sort of guarantee there’s nothing you can do to make me hate you?”

Luc looked stricken. “I— You’ve calmed the beast, yes, but I can’t say it won’t kill again. The monster craves it.”

Jamie threw up his hands. “You want to keep killing murderers and rapists? Go the fuck ahead. I won’t stop you. You’re not going to earn my hatred that way, I promise you that. But Luc, if you— Let’s see…” Jamie thought for a minute, trying to come up with an example of how Luc could shake his thoroughly entrenched devotion. “Okay, monster. Let’s say—if you killed my family? Yeah, then I would hate you. I’d despise you, probably. I would never,everforgive you for that.”

Luc blanched at his words, his hand dropping from Jamie’s face, clearly hearing his worst fears confirmed.

Jamie grabbed a handful of Luc’s shirt, tugging him closer until they were nose to nose. “But we would still bebound, monster. As you said, we’re bound whether you turn me or not, right? I would hate you, but I wouldn’t let you go either. You betray me? You hurt the only other people in this world I love? Well, I’d haunt you right the fuck back. I’d hate you, but I’d never leave you. I’d torment you with my twisted, broken love. Is that what you want from me? Bound together, even in hatred?”

Luc nodded weakly, heaving in a shaky breath, looking at Jamie like he was his salvation. His mortal god.

Jamie pressed a quick, firm kiss to his lips. “Okay, monster. I can give you that. If this ends, it ends in death. And I swear to all that is unholy, I will kill you first.” He grinned. “So if you think about it, you’ll never be alone, not even for a minute. Is that good enough for you?”

Luc’s shaky breath had turned into a sort of…panting?

Jamie laughed, incredulous. “Are you turned on right now? Was it all that talk about mutual destruction that got you so hot and bothered?”

Luc licked his lips. “Yes. Yes, very much so.”

Jamie released Luc’s shirt and leaned back onto his elbows, spreading his legs wide in invitation. “Well, what are you waiting for? Devour me.”

Luc lunged forward but stopped short, snarling a little, when Jamie held up a hand.

“Actually, wait.”

There was something the fuck twins had said. About never seeing Luc’s human face. They thought he was a lost cause, too close to feral for redemption. Jamie scrambled back up onto his knees, leaning closer, staring into the black shadows of Luc’s eyes.

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