Page 43 of Johann

“No, kotyonok.” Alexei made his way off the deck. “I wasn’t much for the outdoors when I was a kid. Or maybe I would have been, but I wasn’t given much of a chance. Not much of a childhood, really.”

Jay nodded solemnly and lifted his gaze to the stars above them. “I had a good childhood, I think. I do remember being very sad when my parents died. But my aunt and uncle had a farm, and they took me in. I liked it. The chores. The animals.”

Alexei could picture it so perfectly, sweet Jay tending to the cows, running barefoot in the fields. “And that’s where Vee found you?”

“Yes.” Jay’s face fell. “And then my life was very different.”

Out of a desire to bring that joyful smile back to Jay’s face more than anything else, Alexei flopped onto his back in the snow and spread his arms and legs about. He looked to the side to see Jay peering up out of his Jay-sized hole in the snow, gray eyes once again lit up with happiness. It took so fucking little to make him smile. “See?” Jay beamed. “Isn’t this nice?”

“So nice, kitten.” It was miserably fucking cold and wet was what it was, but that didn’t make Jay any less right.

“I’ve always liked the snow,” Jay mused, flopping again onto his back. “I wonder what else I might like? It’s weird… I’ve been alive for so long, and we’d move about so often, but it was always to the same kinds of places. Different variations on remote European countrysides. There’s so much of the world I haven’t seen, except for through books or movies. I went to the desert for the very first time this year. I poked a cactus, just to feel it.” Jay held up his pointer finger, as if in demonstration.

“Didn’t that hurt?” It was certainly hurting Alexei, this absentminded confession of all Jay had never been given, never been allowed.

“Oh yes.” Jay smiled up at the night sky. “But it was a reminder. That it was…real.”

It was suddenly completely unacceptable that Alexei didn’t have Jay in his arms. “Hey,” he said softly. “I’m a little lonely over here.”

“You are?” Jay scrambled up out of his snow angel immediately, clambering on top of Alexei’s supine form, settling his round bottom on Alexei’s stomach. “Better?”

“Almost.” Alexei tapped at his own lips with one ice-cold finger. “Need a kiss, I think.”

Jay leaned down eagerly to oblige, his frozen lips still managing to warm Alexei from the inside, out.

Jay released the kiss first for once, darting out of Alexei’s reach with a giggle. Then he sighed, but it was a contented sound, full of relaxed pleasure. “I’m very happy when I’m with you, Alexei.”

“I’m very happy with you too, kotyonok.” Alexei reached up to brush a strand of hair from Jay’s rosy cheek. “I didn’t have a real childhood. Your adulthood was stolen from you. Do you think together you and I could make one complete person?”

Jay pressed his cheek into Alexei’s palm. “Except I’m not a person.”

“Youare.” Alexei frowned, confused at Jay’s self-assessment. “You mean because you have a”—what had Jay called it?—“a beastie inside you?”

Jay nodded solemnly against Alexei’s hand.

Alexei let out a slow breath. “You’re a person, Jay. A vampire person, maybe. But still a person.” When Jay still looked unconvinced, Alexei pressed on. “Would you tell your friends in there they aren’t real people?”

“That’s different though. Danny and Gabe…well, they’re freshly turned. Practically still human. Roman and Soren… They’velived. Out in the world. Soren escaped our den; he experienced humanity all these years. I’ve only read or watched or heard stories. I’m odd and stunted, and most of the time, I don’t even know I’m acting that way. Until someone laughs at me or looks at me strangely.”

“If I laugh, it’s only ever because you delight me.”

Jay smiled softly down at him. “I know that. You look at me differently from other people. I like it very much.” He started playing with the loose strands of Alexei’s hair. “Why does your brother want to kill you?”

“I deliberately went against orders. I made a business decision that cost him a lot of money. I was…tired, I guess. I wanted to blow it all up. I wasn’t brave enough to do it literally, so I went the monetary route.”

“You wanted freedom.”

“I wanted freedom.”Freedom to find youwas the thought that went through Alexei’s head.Freedom to choose. To find a person worthy to serve. Worthy to love.

Jay tugged gently at Alexei’s hair. “Thank you for playing in the snow with me.”

“Anytime, kitten. Literally anytime.”

“I read a book once on love languages,” Jay mused, a thoughtful expression on his face. “There were five of them, which doesn’t seem like nearly enough. I think quality time might be mine.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes. I like having you with me, at my side. Although, I also very much like physical touch.” Jay leaned down, pressing his hands down on Alexei’s chest, and smacked a kiss to his lips in apparent demonstration.

---