Page 49 of Johann

“Jesus.” Alexei hated every new little bit he learned about Jay’s life with Vee. He’d been turned so young only to have so much of life’s pleasures denied him, so many experiences kept out of his reach. He’d been purposefully stunted before he could reach his prime.

Alexei pressed a kiss to Jay’s head, aware he was acting like a complete sappy fuck. But Jay clung to him right back, rubbing his head into Alexei’s shoulder like the kitten Alexei so often called him. “Are you angry with me?” he asked hesitantly, and fuck did Alexei hate the anxious note to the question.

But thatwasthe question, wasn’t it? Was he? Alexei knew he should be. However new their relationship with each other may have been, wasn’t it basic common decency to tell someone about a fiancé, even an unconventional one?

But for once in Alexei’s life, he couldn’t muster up the anger—an emotion usually resting just underneath his skin. Not for Jay. Not when he kept dwelling on what Jay had said, back in his friends’ living room.Without his interference, they would have probably just killed me…

The underlying message behind all Jay and Wolfe’s revelations had been that Jay was in danger, by virtue of the inheritance he’d gained. And that thought had a terrifying choke hold on Alexei.

How could anyone—no matter how vicious, how fucking bloodthirsty—want to hurt this sweet vampire? Why had Jay, of all people, had to be pulled into such a brutal world? He could have stayed a happy farmer, content with his family and his connection to the land.

But if Jay’s life had never changed direction, if Veronique had never turned him, Alexei would never have met him; their lives would have been separated by centuries. Which meant while Alexei still held a deep, piercing hatred for Veronique, he couldn’t fully regret her actions, could he?

And that made him the biggest asshole of them all.

Alexei realized Jay had tensed in his hold. Of course. Because Alexei had never answered his fucking question.

Alexei pressed another kiss or five against Jay’s hair, rubbing along his slender back with one hand. “Oh no,” he soothed. “I’m not angry with you, kitten. It’s just… I wanted to say I’m sorry that you were turned against your will, that you’ve had to deal with all this mess. But I’d be lying, wouldn’t I? I’m glad you’ve lived long enough for us to meet.”

Jay tensed again, releasing his hold on Alexei’s middle and struggling against Alexei’s arms, and Alexei worried for a moment that he’d fucked up entirely, truly offended his sweet vampire with his complete lack of appropriate empathy.

But Jay was smiling at him, a strange shyness to the expression. “I’m not sorry either,” he whispered, like it was a secret confession. “I know— Well, it’s not a burden I’d wish on anyone else.” There was a pointedness to that statement, his gray eyes incredibly serious, though Alexei couldn’t figure out why. “But I’ve been happy here, in Hyde Park. Even when I was lonely or sad, before we met, I was still happy. Does that make sense?”

Alexei brushed back a strand of Jay’s dark hair, tweaking the lobe of his ear. “Sure, kotyonok. That makes sense.”

Jay beamed at his understanding for just a moment before his face fell back into appropriate solemnity. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Wolfe.”

Alexei swallowed hard before shrugging with a misleading casualness. He may not have been angry, but he didn’t know quite what to say. Or at least not what to say that wouldn’t reveal the depths of the knife he could feel twisting in his gut. “What will you do?” he asked instead.

The unspoken part of that question being,Will you leave me? Will you run away?

“I don’t know,” Jay said. He’d started toying with the hem of Alexei’s shirt in the way he often did with his own. “If I could just give the money away, I would. But… I don’t trust the den with it. It’s a rotten place. They don’t deserve that much power. With Wolfe, I could maybe keep a handle on it, but…I don’t want to leave. I just want to…exist. For myself. With the people I care about.”

A helpless sort of hope filled Alexei at the thought that he could be one of those people. He really, really hoped he counted as one of those people. “Can’t you just give it to Wolfe, then?”

Jay had now bunched two handfuls of Alexei’s shirt together and seemed to be attempting to tie it all into some sort of weird knot over Alexei’s stomach. “He might not take it. Alone, he’s more vulnerable. He’s too new to the den. There’s not enough trust there. It’s more convenient to have me on board. And Wolfe is big on what’s convenient.”

Alexei considered taking his own shirt off and letting Jay tie whatever intricate knots he wanted into it but ultimately decided the move would break Jay’s clear concentration. “You said he’s a psychopath.”

Jay bit at his lower lip, dropping his fistfuls of cloth and busying himself smoothing the wrinkles he’d made back down. “He is.” He said it with the same cool acceptance as the first time. “But he’s not cruel without purpose. He likes things orderly, under his control. It makes him less erratic than the others, really. Plus, he sort of…saved me.”

“And how did he do that?” Alexei asked, trying to keep his voice as calm and level as Jay’s even though anything Wolfe-related threatened to send his blood pressure through the fucking roof.

“He kept me fed, after Vee was killed. He compelled humans for me. He convinced the den members to stay back while I regained my strength. I think his support is the only thing that kept me from being put down.”

Oh.Oh.Alexei grabbed Jay’s hands with his own, halting their smoothing efforts, needing that extra contact. He was grateful Wolfe had kept Jay alive—the thought of any other alternative too hideous to bear—but fuck if he didn’t hate feeling indebted to the guy. He wished he could have been the one to save Jay, to keep him safe, keep him nourished. He would have offered up every bit of his own blood, down to the last fucking drop, to keep Jay whole.

“I want you to stay.” Alexei hardly recognized his own voice, the rough gravel that came out of him in saying the words.

But there it was. The selfish truth of it. He didn’t care about the money, about Jay’s prior agreement with Wolfe. He didn’t care about the den of cretins Jay had left behind. All Alexei cared about was Jay withhim. He wanted Jay by his side, happy and hale. He just…wanted him.

Jay tilted his head from where he’d been studying their joined hands to smile up at Alexei, so soft and sweet but with a sadness in those gray eyes Alexei absolutely hated.

“Please,” Alexei begged. “Please stay.”

“It’s like I told Wolfe: I want to stay.” And because Jay was good and kind and perfect, he added what Alexei had been afraid to. “I want to stay with you.”

Alexei’s sigh of relief was cut off halfway through because then Jay’s mouth was on his, the vampire wrapped back around him in the way he should always be.

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