Page 58 of Johann

Jay frowned in confusion. “Like what?”

“Liketurnhim.”

“Oh no.” Jay shook his head fervently. “I wouldn’t do that.”

Soren threw up his hands. Jay had to admire how expressive he always was. “Why the fuck not?”

“But why would I?”

“Why. Wouldn’t. You?” Soren bit the words out, clearly doing his best not to give in to the impulse to yell, an effort Jay very much appreciated. “He’s your mate. Your tether.”

Jay took a moment to gather his thoughts. What he was going to say next wasn’t something he’d ever voiced aloud to his friends, or to anyone else for that matter. “Well, I can see how it would helpme,yes. But what about Alexei? Have you ever considered that we need our mates but they don’t need us?” Jay held up a finger when it seemed like Soren was going to interrupt him. “Not if they’re still human when we find them, that is. Alexei is completely, gloriously human. He doesn’t need a tether. He doesn’t need me. It would be selfish of me to take his humanity away to serve my own purpose.”

“And what does your beastie have to say about all that?”

Jay shifted in his seat. “Oh, well…he’d very much like to turn Alexei.” Even now, it was hard to focus with how much his beastie was clamoring for their mate. But Jay wasn’t one to give in to the beastie’s urges without reason, not when it could hurt other people.

“I—” Soren’s words seemed to fail him, and for a while, he just sat and stared at Jay. He didn’t seem to know what to say, and Jay didn’t want to rush him, so he busied himself straightening the coasters on the coffee table while Soren figured it out. If Alexei were there, Jay could just scatter them on the floor, and they’d both laugh about it. Jay smiled a little at the thought.

A good while after the coasters were all straightened, Soren finally spoke. “What about Gabe, then? You turned him for me.”

“He asked me to,” Jay answered simply. “And you were in immediate peril, Soren. It was sort of extenuating circumstances.”

“And you think, if there hadn’t been… You think it would have been wrong to turn him,” Soren mused.

Jay shrugged, uncomfortable. He didn’t have an easy answer, not when he was so pleased for his friend to have found happiness with his mate.

Soren seemed to consider that for another moment, and then he straightened in his seat, fixing Jay with a surprisingly tender look. “You’re wrong, you know. And maybe even a few years ago, I might have agreed. But Gabe does need me. Hedidneed me, even as a human. People need love, Jay. Most do, anyway. They need connection. They need to be seen and understood and accepted. I gave that to Gabe. I’ll keep giving that to Gabe.”

That was such a nice sentiment Jay was tempted to try to hug Soren again.

But Soren was already continuing his speech. “And no, you’re not stupid, Jaybird—not at all—but youareinexperienced. You tend to put humans on a pedestal. You think their mortality gives them something vital, something maybe you lack. But you know what?”

Jay shook his head when Soren paused to look at him because no, he didn’t know. He had no idea.

Soren sighed. “I’ve been around humans. Some are great. Truly great, I’ll give you that. But a lot of them are just…sad. And numb. And their eventual demise doesn’t make them wise or deep or anything else you seem to think. It just makes them scared and mean. And you know what I see when Alexei looks at you?”

“What?”

“I see a man who was one of those numb, sad, scared people, who has since seen the fucking light.You’rethe fucking light, Jay. Anyone can see it, the way he looks at you. You really don’t think he loves you?”

“Oh, I think he loves me.” Jay could feel it, whenever he was with his human. The care. The consideration. The desire and the acceptance. He’d seen it in Alexei’s eyes the night before, when he was entering Jay for the very first time.

Jay might not have had much experience with love, but he had plenty of experience with its absence. He could tell the difference.

Soren rubbed at his forehead. Was he getting a headache too? Maybe they were going around. “Then…I don’t understand, Jaybird.”

“I may know it, but he hasn’t told me so. I don’t know if he’s ready to. We’ve only known each other a little bit, barely a few weeks. That’s fast, for a human. And if he’s not ready to even say the words, he’s definitely not ready for eternal commitment. Even if he were…I don’t take turning someone lightly. I never will.”

Soren’s face was a strange mix of sad and amused. “Oh, Jaybird. You just— Okay. All right then. Go at your own pace.”

Jay smiled at him. See? Soren had such a big heart, underneath all that snark. Jay had always known so.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while before Soren broke it. “I used to envy you, you know.”

“Because Vee was so much nicer than Hendrick?”

Soren waved a dismissive hand at the mention of their makers. “Becauseyouwere so much nicer thanme. Because you managed to stay so sweet and kind, even in that toxic atmosphere.”

---