Page 101 of Guarding My Love

“So you don’t believe him?” Amanda asked.

“I do believe him, but if he can’t say the words then something is holding him back. Do I want to be in another relationship with a person that is holding back on me? That can’t give me what I deserve? And am I selfish even thinking that?”

“You are absolutely not selfish,” Amanda said. “There are levels of happiness. Some of it is being content. You’ve been so guarded in your life for years.”

“You think I’m guarded?” she asked.

“You are. Maybe you don’t see it, but I do. Let me ask you something—in all your relationships with older men, you’ve said before you plan things out, right? What to wear. How to act. What you need to do in their presence so that you keep them happy?”

“It sounds horrible when you say it like that,” she said.

“I’m not trying to make you feel horrible,” Amanda said. “I’m trying to get you to see what I see.”

“Then yes, all those things were done,” she admitted.

“Which means that you were never yourself. You were content in those relationships. When you tried to have your true self come out, the guys pushed back. Or as I said months ago, you gave in to not create any ripples. It set the tone in your relationships.”

“You’re right,” she said. “It did. And I made sure that didn’t happen this time with Foster, and yet, I’m falling back into that pattern by not asking him why he won’t say the words to me. What could be holding him back? I haven’t told him I loved him again because I didn’t want him to think I was putting pressure on him. That’s on me.”

“It is on you,” Amanda said. “But what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know. I think I need a break. I need some space to figure it out. When I see him and I’m with him, I like how I feel and then I say it’s not a big deal that he doesn’t say the words.”

“It is a big deal to you if you feel he’s holding back. Don’t diminish your own feelings, Charlotte. You’ve done that too much in life. It’s time to stand up for yourself in every aspect you can.”

“You’re right,” she said. “It’s time to put me first.”

34

PROUD OF YOU

“What is this I hear you’re bringing out your Pop Warner moves?”

Foster should have figured his mother would find out.

She always did.

It’d been almost a week and he had hoped she wouldn’t. That hope was squashed like Marco’s shit under his sneaker the other day.

“Who told you?” he asked.

“Does it matter?” his mother asked. “I’m proud of you.”

“You are? No lecture on letting my temper get the best of me? Or you thought I’d outgrown getting physical when I was a teen?”

“Nope,” his mother said. “Your father would have done the same thing if anyone had done that to me. I’d like to think I raised all of my boys to stand up to a bully. Especially one that laid a hand on a woman.”

“Thanks,” he said. “I can’t be with her all the time so I taught her a few ways to fight back.”

“Good for you,” his mother said. “Just like you boys all made sure Laken and Talia could handle any situation too. Laken said that Jamie wished you had his back when he was on The Jets. He’d pay your salary alone to block for him.”

He snorted. “I highly doubt that, but it’s nice to hear.”

“I’m glad to know you confessed to your brothers and asked them for help. Braylon is good at what he does.”

“He is,” he said. “It’s all taken care of.”

“I heard. It helped that you had the video and all the proof of what the guy had been doing. A few threats from your attorney about releasing that video to Landon’s clients are a good way for someone to lose business. Stalking an ex and getting physical with them is never a good thing.”

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