With a last squeeze of my arm, Arlo turns and walks out of the shop.
What the hell was that all about? His last words make me shiver with unease.
How can I convince Anders to claim me when he has plans for a future I’m not a part of? And even if Anders saw a future with me, how could I saddle Anders with someone like me? It wouldn’t be fair to bind him to my messy, broken family. To me with all my baggage.
Who in their right mind would want to be stuck with me for all eternity?
The bond connecting me to Anders lights up in my chest, flooding my insides with soothing warmth. The breath catches in my lungs. “Anders,” I whisper, my heart soaring as I realize he’s back. I whirl toward the door and run, startling people out of my path with my sudden movement. The doors fly open as I hurtle out onto the sidewalk. It’s started snowing, and there’s a thin coating sticking to the sidewalk. My frantic breaths plume in the air as I look around. He’s probably at the piers. I need to get there.
Shooting Jess a text to hold down the fort until I’m back, I get in my car and drive as fast as I safely can without getting ticketed. I’m only wearing my sweater, but I’ll brave the cold if it means I can see Anders again. I can’t believe he came back. He’s here, really here. He chose me.
My heart’s in my throat as I park the car and step out of it. “Anders?” I don’t have to look long. As if on their own, my eyes ping to Anders’s familiar profile. He’s staring out across the water, hunched over where he’s leaning on the railing. My heart and soul would know him anywhere.
I come to stand within reach of him. “You… you’re back,” I say a bit breathlessly, my voice shaky. My joy mixes with trepidation. Whatever happened in the past, it’s upset him. Anders doesn’t even react to the sound of my voice. Snow gathers on his black wolf furs around his shoulders. It’s like he’s a statue. Slowly, I walk around him and stand by the railing.
A jolt of horror goes through me when I see how puffy his eyes are, red-rimmed and bloodshot. Holy shit. Anders looks like he’s been crying, or trying not to. He’s so strong, so against showing any kind of emotion he considers weak. Whatever happened, it must have been bad.
“Oh, puppy dog.” I want to hold him so badly, but I don’t know if he’ll let me. “What happened? Can you tell me?”
Anders’s jaw trembles. He opens his mouth but closes it quickly without making a sound. Slumping, he rests his elbows on the icy railing. “Don’t know where to start. Mayhap I should not have returned here. But how could I have stayed?” He’s speaking more to himself.
“Of course you should have returned. I’m happy you came back.” Relieved, in fact. I squeeze his cold hand, trying to warm him up. “What happened to your village? Was it as bad as you thought?”
A bitter laugh escapes Anders, and he hangs his head, hiding his face. “No.”
“But that’s good, isn’t it?”
Anders doesn’t respond for almost a minute. “I saw my family.”
I don’t know how to react. I figure if it was a happy reunion, Anders wouldn’t be drowning in heartbreak right now. “H-how did it go?” I ask, but I think I can guess.
“I don’t know if I can even call them family anymore. Not after what I’ve—” His voice chokes off, and he jerks his hand out of my grasp, folding his hands close to his chest like he’s curling in on himself. “Gods. I was wrong. So wrong.” Regret floods his voice.
“About? You can tell me.”
Anders grinds his teeth, then exhales harshly. “Why not? What does it matter? I’ve already lost everyone I cared about. I don’t deserve to keep you.”
His words hurt like a punch to my solar plexus. “Hey.” My voice is small, but I fight through the fear that he’s about to push me away for good. I step in close, touching my shoulder to his. His furs are damp, the wetness seeping through my sweater and making me shiver, but I need to be close to him. “You haven’t lost me. Whatever is going on, just tell me, and I promise I’ll listen. I won’t judge you. We can work through this.”
Anders’s shoulders rise and fall shakily. Sniffing, he finally looks up and out over the gray water of the river. Shrugging off his furs, he wraps them around my shoulders. “We’ll be here a while, then.”
I huddle into his furs for warmth while Anders gathers his thoughts.
“You know my brother and I never got along. I challenged his authority, frequently and aggressively. Because I was jealous, yes, but also because I blamed him. I’ve blamed him all his life. First, because Mother died giving birth to him. Then after Fatherwas killed.” Anders drops his gaze to our feet, and I can almost taste his shame. “None of it was his fault. I was cruel to him, and it wasn’t fair. I have always known this. I never wanted to admit how wrong I was, not even to myself. But if I had someone to push all my blame onto, then I could not blame myself.”
“But why would you be responsible?” I ask.
Anders closes his eyes tightly. “Because I was not there to save our father. When the hunters stormed our shores, another group took our village by surprise. They bound me with silver. Carved into my flesh.”
“God. Anders, I’m so sorry.”
He just shakes his head. “What for? You weren’t responsible.”
“I know, I just… I’m sorry you went through that.”
Anders shivers and looks away out over the water. He’s gripping the railing so hard his knuckles have whitened. “Everything changed when Kieran Grove arrived in our time. I hated him instantly because he was a human, and they’d hurt our kind before. But that wasn’t all. I think… I think I was jealous of what he and Wulfric had. It wasn’t enough my brother was an Alpha, that everyone fawned over him since birth, but he’d found his fated mate.”
“And you’d never had anyone fawn over you?”